Dream Another Sunset With You.
Five.
[*^*^*]
Dear, Jerry.
That letter brought tears to my eyes. Honestly, It woke me up to see that I do need to keep trying and not give up on him, for all I know he could be out there feeling the same way as me and just waiting for the day I say I love him.
At first, from what I concluded from the first two letters, I didn't think you were actually as deep as you are, and for under minding you, I'm sorry. At least I'm honest, right? I thought you were some weird, dorky man. But you are so much more.
Jerry, I don't think you actually know how much hope you gave me, from that three and a half page letter alone. It really made something inside of me click, and tell my brain to stop letting me act like a horrible bitter old lady, I am far from old, and still have many years until I have to worry about being alone for the rest of my life, which is what I did worry about a lot before.
I truly did not know that you cared so much, you make me happy, as weird as that sounds, you make me wanna go out and find him, and tell him how much I've missed him and how much I actually do love him. Just like you should go and do with the girl you are speaking of.
Seriously, Jerry, I just am stunned, I didn't know that you had that much wisdom, of knowing what I'm feeling, like, like you are feeling the exact same thing as me, except you are capable of putting it into words. I just love you for that. Because I didn't know what I was feeling for such a long time, I didn't know if I was angry at him for letting me keep walking. Or if I was sad that he didn't actually care for me, as much as he let on, or happy that he let me have my space. As of right now, I know that what I am feeling is okay. I am okay with the fact that I do not have him to hold in my arms every night, because one day I might, I am okay with the fact that I can not kiss his lips whenever I want, or stare into his beautiful eyes that I miss so much.
Or at least thats what I thought before I wrote that all down, I have confused myself again, I do not know what I am feeling. I now feel, sad that he can't hold me, and sad that he can't be the one that makes sweet passionate love to me for my first time. Sad that he is probably somewhere in another girls arms, or hurting, even and yet, there's not one thing I can do about it, because its my fault, because I walked away. Oh fuck my life, now I'm beyond confused and do not know what I feel at all anymore. How lame.
I just hope you're right, I just want things to get better, and hopefully the day they get better, is the day I have him back, the day that I can finally say, 'Joseph Adam, I love you, and want to be yours, all yours, for the rest of my life.' Wish me luck? Because luck is the only thing I have to rely on anymore. I hate this feeling, this, cold empty feeling. Its the feeling I got the day I walked away from his gorgeous self, and the feeling I've had ever since. I've tried everything I can possibly do to get rid of it. The one thing I know will get rid of it, is the one thing I can not/have not done. And for that I kick myself every day.
Because I can't just suck it up and dial his number, though he's probably changed it by now. Still, I wouldn't, even if I could. Because I am the coward, not you.
Thank you for being so sweet, and listening, or, reading about my pathetic love life, when I know all you really want is just to be able to see whats new in my life. So, I'm sorry that you have to sit through pages of me saying how in love with another boy I was. I hope you aren't the jealous type, cos if so, I think I've crossed the line one to many times.
Yes, there's a couple reasons why, I do not like them, although, I do not wish you tell you about them, yet. If that's okay? They would just bring more things for me to rant about and I think I'm ranted out for this letter.
I am unhappy without him, and I will be the first person to admit it, because I know that he has my whole heart, in his possession without even knowing it. He has such a big part of me, a part of me that I lost when I left him, and I let him take that, hoping he'd know, and realize what he had, when actually, he didn't know it at all. I just don't know what to do anymore..
Awe, I am so glad that your little brother is there for you. Because it makes me feel like if I'm not there, you can talk to him. I care for you.
Yeah, talking one-on-one would be nice. But the letters make me feel a little less lame. So we can stick to these for now.
Love,
Jamie.
P.S. You make me smile.
[*^*^*]
Dear, Jamie.
I don't know what to say to you that can make any of this any better. I wanna try and show you that you will find him, he's out there, in this big world, and I have a feeling hes looking for you too. I just, can almost feel it. I think that if he had your number he'd call you, and I bet, he has talked about you for the past week, about how he misses you.
I know thats what I would do, if I ever lost you..He probably sits at home now, any chance he gets. And when hes not working, doing whatever he does for a living, he's probably thinking about you, and the things he did. And when hes busy, you are still on his mind, no matter what you are always there in his head, and sometimes, I bet he cries, I bet he longs for your love, and wants you to be in his arms, and I bet if he was writing this, he would be crying, because this is the first time he had ever spilled out his feelings, or put what his heart was feeling on paper, and it hurts a little bit.
Lots of times the world doesn't go your way, and you don't get the things you want. But I am promising you, this. One day, in a week, or a month, or a year, I don't know how long, but one day, you will have him in your arms, and he will be yours. I promise, Jamie. He's yours, he was from the start, he was never anyone else's, even if he wanted to think he was, he wasn't. Because he was made for you, and if before now there was nothing I was ever even a little bit sure of, this is what I'm definitely sure of, now.
Its okay, I don't ever let people think I'm as smart as I am. It's just something I do? I don't know why I don't want people to take me seriously. Maybe its because my heart aches for something, or someone. And I'm too afraid that if I let a little bit of that humor die out, then I'll lose it, and then I'm left for people to see me for what I really am. My younger brother, the one I live with, is the only one, in such a long time, that has seen me cry. Even if it was only for a second, he saw it, and I feel like I'm not being strong enough for him. But he understands that I love her, and want her, I just cant find her..I can't tell her, either, well, not now at least.
I'm terribly sorry what I said helped you figure out what you were feeling, and then when you wrote it down, you became confused. It wasn't intended for that, it was just me saying the things I should have said.
Jamie, that day, when you tell him. Will be filled with so much love. I am, I am jealous at how much you feel for him, I always thought that I had the perfect girl, I thought they all loved me, but now, I don't think I have ever had this love, the love you have for him, and he has for you, its just nothing I have ever had. I mean, I do feel it, but I haven't ever had anyone feel the same way for me..
We can be cowards together. Because, its not your fault he didn't see and you were shy and afraid to tell him. Its the way the world works sometimes. Things will change.
I admitted I was jealous two paragraphs up. But thats okay, because I am. I want someone to feel for me, what you feel for him. Because, I didn't know it was possible. I bet he feels the same way about you, though. Which means, when you guys share that first kiss, it will be with more passion and love than the best love story ever written, because you guys waited so long.
I can handle that, you not telling me why you do not like Joe, Nick, and Kevin. But wait, isn't your said love Joseph Adam? Thats not him, is it? The Joe Jonas? ha ha! I'm just joshing you, that would be incredibly funny, I do have to say, because of all the little teenies that love them.
He knows he has it, because you have his too. He let you take that the day you walked away, he gave you his heart, even if you didn't know it then, you know now.
Yes, I can talk to him, I do in fact, last night, I talked his ear off, to the point where he wanted to kill me. I care for you too. :]
You will never be lame, Jamie. The letters are something that helps not let anyone see when you, or I, blush.
Love,
Jerry.
P.S. I'm glad, all I ever want is for you to smile.
Dear, Jerry.
That letter brought tears to my eyes. Honestly, It woke me up to see that I do need to keep trying and not give up on him, for all I know he could be out there feeling the same way as me and just waiting for the day I say I love him.
At first, from what I concluded from the first two letters, I didn't think you were actually as deep as you are, and for under minding you, I'm sorry. At least I'm honest, right? I thought you were some weird, dorky man. But you are so much more.
Jerry, I don't think you actually know how much hope you gave me, from that three and a half page letter alone. It really made something inside of me click, and tell my brain to stop letting me act like a horrible bitter old lady, I am far from old, and still have many years until I have to worry about being alone for the rest of my life, which is what I did worry about a lot before.
I truly did not know that you cared so much, you make me happy, as weird as that sounds, you make me wanna go out and find him, and tell him how much I've missed him and how much I actually do love him. Just like you should go and do with the girl you are speaking of.
Seriously, Jerry, I just am stunned, I didn't know that you had that much wisdom, of knowing what I'm feeling, like, like you are feeling the exact same thing as me, except you are capable of putting it into words. I just love you for that. Because I didn't know what I was feeling for such a long time, I didn't know if I was angry at him for letting me keep walking. Or if I was sad that he didn't actually care for me, as much as he let on, or happy that he let me have my space. As of right now, I know that what I am feeling is okay. I am okay with the fact that I do not have him to hold in my arms every night, because one day I might, I am okay with the fact that I can not kiss his lips whenever I want, or stare into his beautiful eyes that I miss so much.
Or at least thats what I thought before I wrote that all down, I have confused myself again, I do not know what I am feeling. I now feel, sad that he can't hold me, and sad that he can't be the one that makes sweet passionate love to me for my first time. Sad that he is probably somewhere in another girls arms, or hurting, even and yet, there's not one thing I can do about it, because its my fault, because I walked away. Oh fuck my life, now I'm beyond confused and do not know what I feel at all anymore. How lame.
I just hope you're right, I just want things to get better, and hopefully the day they get better, is the day I have him back, the day that I can finally say, 'Joseph Adam, I love you, and want to be yours, all yours, for the rest of my life.' Wish me luck? Because luck is the only thing I have to rely on anymore. I hate this feeling, this, cold empty feeling. Its the feeling I got the day I walked away from his gorgeous self, and the feeling I've had ever since. I've tried everything I can possibly do to get rid of it. The one thing I know will get rid of it, is the one thing I can not/have not done. And for that I kick myself every day.
Because I can't just suck it up and dial his number, though he's probably changed it by now. Still, I wouldn't, even if I could. Because I am the coward, not you.
Thank you for being so sweet, and listening, or, reading about my pathetic love life, when I know all you really want is just to be able to see whats new in my life. So, I'm sorry that you have to sit through pages of me saying how in love with another boy I was. I hope you aren't the jealous type, cos if so, I think I've crossed the line one to many times.
Yes, there's a couple reasons why, I do not like them, although, I do not wish you tell you about them, yet. If that's okay? They would just bring more things for me to rant about and I think I'm ranted out for this letter.
I am unhappy without him, and I will be the first person to admit it, because I know that he has my whole heart, in his possession without even knowing it. He has such a big part of me, a part of me that I lost when I left him, and I let him take that, hoping he'd know, and realize what he had, when actually, he didn't know it at all. I just don't know what to do anymore..
Awe, I am so glad that your little brother is there for you. Because it makes me feel like if I'm not there, you can talk to him. I care for you.
Yeah, talking one-on-one would be nice. But the letters make me feel a little less lame. So we can stick to these for now.
Love,
Jamie.
P.S. You make me smile.
[*^*^*]
Dear, Jamie.
I don't know what to say to you that can make any of this any better. I wanna try and show you that you will find him, he's out there, in this big world, and I have a feeling hes looking for you too. I just, can almost feel it. I think that if he had your number he'd call you, and I bet, he has talked about you for the past week, about how he misses you.
I know thats what I would do, if I ever lost you..He probably sits at home now, any chance he gets. And when hes not working, doing whatever he does for a living, he's probably thinking about you, and the things he did. And when hes busy, you are still on his mind, no matter what you are always there in his head, and sometimes, I bet he cries, I bet he longs for your love, and wants you to be in his arms, and I bet if he was writing this, he would be crying, because this is the first time he had ever spilled out his feelings, or put what his heart was feeling on paper, and it hurts a little bit.
Lots of times the world doesn't go your way, and you don't get the things you want. But I am promising you, this. One day, in a week, or a month, or a year, I don't know how long, but one day, you will have him in your arms, and he will be yours. I promise, Jamie. He's yours, he was from the start, he was never anyone else's, even if he wanted to think he was, he wasn't. Because he was made for you, and if before now there was nothing I was ever even a little bit sure of, this is what I'm definitely sure of, now.
Its okay, I don't ever let people think I'm as smart as I am. It's just something I do? I don't know why I don't want people to take me seriously. Maybe its because my heart aches for something, or someone. And I'm too afraid that if I let a little bit of that humor die out, then I'll lose it, and then I'm left for people to see me for what I really am. My younger brother, the one I live with, is the only one, in such a long time, that has seen me cry. Even if it was only for a second, he saw it, and I feel like I'm not being strong enough for him. But he understands that I love her, and want her, I just cant find her..I can't tell her, either, well, not now at least.
I'm terribly sorry what I said helped you figure out what you were feeling, and then when you wrote it down, you became confused. It wasn't intended for that, it was just me saying the things I should have said.
Jamie, that day, when you tell him. Will be filled with so much love. I am, I am jealous at how much you feel for him, I always thought that I had the perfect girl, I thought they all loved me, but now, I don't think I have ever had this love, the love you have for him, and he has for you, its just nothing I have ever had. I mean, I do feel it, but I haven't ever had anyone feel the same way for me..
We can be cowards together. Because, its not your fault he didn't see and you were shy and afraid to tell him. Its the way the world works sometimes. Things will change.
I admitted I was jealous two paragraphs up. But thats okay, because I am. I want someone to feel for me, what you feel for him. Because, I didn't know it was possible. I bet he feels the same way about you, though. Which means, when you guys share that first kiss, it will be with more passion and love than the best love story ever written, because you guys waited so long.
I can handle that, you not telling me why you do not like Joe, Nick, and Kevin. But wait, isn't your said love Joseph Adam? Thats not him, is it? The Joe Jonas? ha ha! I'm just joshing you, that would be incredibly funny, I do have to say, because of all the little teenies that love them.
He knows he has it, because you have his too. He let you take that the day you walked away, he gave you his heart, even if you didn't know it then, you know now.
Yes, I can talk to him, I do in fact, last night, I talked his ear off, to the point where he wanted to kill me. I care for you too. :]
You will never be lame, Jamie. The letters are something that helps not let anyone see when you, or I, blush.
Love,
Jerry.
P.S. I'm glad, all I ever want is for you to smile.
♠ ♠ ♠
How well are you guys liking this?Just let me know.
There are a few twists coming.
Just so you can be prepared.:]
-Cheyenne.