Hello, I Dislike You Intensely. Have a Nice Day.
Entry #50.
I need him too muchI’ve realized that I am more dependent than is probably normal or healthyI shouldn’t be thinking about him so muchFuck this shitI don’t wanna be Bella SwanIf I walked into a feminist colony I would be eatenFuck this fucking shit
--
Need
I refuse to need.
Buddhist monks can live in tiny stilted temples in barely-existent mountain ranges and never need to need, because they know, or believe (is that the same thing) that desire is always the cause of pain. It may be true.
If they can do it, so can
But that’s another analogy.
--
I am nearly pulling an all-nighter thinking about
I expected the light from the windows to turn violet like the effects in movies where the inside of her mind dictates the outside world, but noooo. Dammit why not, why not.
My mind is turning to mush. Ready to go through a meat grinder and come out in long noodly strings that wrap around screaming buildings and break them in half.
So much delirium. So much delirium!
And distortion. Glorious, unnerving distortion. During the day you can sit next to a ticking clock and not hear it at all, but during the night you can hear it calling from across the house. Darkness like water. Sound moves 5 times faster in water than air. 200 times faster in steel. It does not move at all in space or other vacuums. Ironic since vacuums are so noisy. Like those freezers at the supermarket that blow out warm air in an effort to be cold. Goddamn I wish I could do that. Instead I feel I emanate cold even when I’m taking all these pains to be warm.
The night is alive and I’m a cell in its body. Maybe every cell in its body.
Reality is turning to mush, ready to go through a meat grinder and be spread over toast. I almost wish this night could be infinite so I could see just how far things can undo, melting like Gala Dali, like the Bose-Einstein condensate.NeedNeed
--
Need
I refuse to need.
Buddhist monks can live in tiny stilted temples in barely-existent mountain ranges and never need to need, because they know, or believe (is that the same thing) that desire is always the cause of pain. It may be true.
If they can do it, so can
But that’s another analogy.
--
I am nearly pulling an all-nighter thinking about
I expected the light from the windows to turn violet like the effects in movies where the inside of her mind dictates the outside world, but noooo. Dammit why not, why not.
My mind is turning to mush. Ready to go through a meat grinder and come out in long noodly strings that wrap around screaming buildings and break them in half.
So much delirium. So much delirium!
And distortion. Glorious, unnerving distortion. During the day you can sit next to a ticking clock and not hear it at all, but during the night you can hear it calling from across the house. Darkness like water. Sound moves 5 times faster in water than air. 200 times faster in steel. It does not move at all in space or other vacuums. Ironic since vacuums are so noisy. Like those freezers at the supermarket that blow out warm air in an effort to be cold. Goddamn I wish I could do that. Instead I feel I emanate cold even when I’m taking all these pains to be warm.
The night is alive and I’m a cell in its body. Maybe every cell in its body.
Reality is turning to mush, ready to go through a meat grinder and be spread over toast. I almost wish this night could be infinite so I could see just how far things can undo, melting like Gala Dali, like the Bose-Einstein condensate.NeedNeed
♠ ♠ ♠
Filler, I suppose, but I very much enjoyed writing it, so I feel as if it should be more.Gala Dali was the wife of Salvador Dali, the surrealist painter who liked to paint things melting.
The Bose-Einstein condensate is a form of matter that is born when temperatures approach absolute zero. It is known for having characteristics that seem to defy the laws of physics. It is pretty straight-up bitchin', yo.