Hello, I Dislike You Intensely. Have a Nice Day.
Entries #53 and #54.
No idea what to think. I saw May and Alex together at a Starbuck’s.No current comment That is not true, I am not articulate enough to express any.
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It’s almost Christmas. The stores are playing Christmas music non-stop – annoying, but at the same time it’d be weird if they didn’t.
It’s almost Christmas, and I can’t bring myself to believe it. What happened to the weeks between Thanksgiving and now? I honestly don’t know. It’s like a hydronium dream. Like, hydronium, as in acid, as in acid-acid, as in Dani, you’ll never be a successful sayer of obscure, poetic things if you keep on having to explain yourself. But Dani, I don’t care, because sometimes I don’t even understand myself and I need to explain myself. But Dani, how can you explain you if you don’t understand you in the first place?
I thought I did. I thought I understood myself better than anyone.
Don’t think about it.
Everyone’s kicking into high gear, perking up because it’s the holidays and going shopping for their friends. I’ll get stuff for my friends and for Alex, but mainly because I’d feel like a terrible person if I didn’t. Does that make me a bad person? Does that even make sense?
I feel like I’m developing huge, fuzzy gaps in my memory. I’ve taken a sudden liking to electro songs that prominently feature distortion. I keep getting the creeping feeling that everything I know isn’t really my own knowledge, that it was only an accidental mistake that it wound up in my brain, or I’m only holding it there til the real owner comes back and claims it.
I don’t know has been my motto for the past couple weeks now. It’s like there’s a huge, cosmic question hanging over my head, and I just can’t answer it. I don’t even know the question, so how could I possibly even begin to answer it? Tell me.
As for Alex, I have still not confronted him about what I saw. Need to make sense of it first, but it’s been five days and I'm no closer, no saner. Maybe subtly drop references about the other when around each of them, to gauge their reactions? No, too complex. I should just ask. It’d be stupid to do anything else – but I hesitate so badly. Am I scared to find out? Is my so-called sixth sense telling me that I don’t want to know?
Let’s think about this logically. There are several circumstances that could have led to that scenario.
- They randomly met, talked, and bonded. Which would be good, no? I should be happy my friends are friends with my friends, etc.
- They know each other without me knowing that they know each other, and randomly ran into each other and talked.
- Alex is going, oh dear, Tiger Woods on me.
- May is stealing my boyfriend is get back at me.
- Something involving a game of musical chairs, don’t ask me to elaborate, or I will confuse myself.
- Extensive synapse misfire on my part, resulting in grand-scale hallucinations and things.
Aaannd, I still don’t know. I’m really tired.
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It’s almost Christmas. The stores are playing Christmas music non-stop – annoying, but at the same time it’d be weird if they didn’t.
It’s almost Christmas, and I can’t bring myself to believe it. What happened to the weeks between Thanksgiving and now? I honestly don’t know. It’s like a hydronium dream. Like, hydronium, as in acid, as in acid-acid, as in Dani, you’ll never be a successful sayer of obscure, poetic things if you keep on having to explain yourself. But Dani, I don’t care, because sometimes I don’t even understand myself and I need to explain myself. But Dani, how can you explain you if you don’t understand you in the first place?
I thought I did. I thought I understood myself better than anyone.
Don’t think about it.
Everyone’s kicking into high gear, perking up because it’s the holidays and going shopping for their friends. I’ll get stuff for my friends and for Alex, but mainly because I’d feel like a terrible person if I didn’t. Does that make me a bad person? Does that even make sense?
I feel like I’m developing huge, fuzzy gaps in my memory. I’ve taken a sudden liking to electro songs that prominently feature distortion. I keep getting the creeping feeling that everything I know isn’t really my own knowledge, that it was only an accidental mistake that it wound up in my brain, or I’m only holding it there til the real owner comes back and claims it.
I don’t know has been my motto for the past couple weeks now. It’s like there’s a huge, cosmic question hanging over my head, and I just can’t answer it. I don’t even know the question, so how could I possibly even begin to answer it? Tell me.
As for Alex, I have still not confronted him about what I saw. Need to make sense of it first, but it’s been five days and I'm no closer, no saner. Maybe subtly drop references about the other when around each of them, to gauge their reactions? No, too complex. I should just ask. It’d be stupid to do anything else – but I hesitate so badly. Am I scared to find out? Is my so-called sixth sense telling me that I don’t want to know?
Let’s think about this logically. There are several circumstances that could have led to that scenario.
- They randomly met, talked, and bonded. Which would be good, no? I should be happy my friends are friends with my friends, etc.
- They know each other without me knowing that they know each other, and randomly ran into each other and talked.
- Alex is going, oh dear, Tiger Woods on me.
- May is stealing my boyfriend is get back at me.
- Something involving a game of musical chairs, don’t ask me to elaborate, or I will confuse myself.
- Extensive synapse misfire on my part, resulting in grand-scale hallucinations and things.
Aaannd, I still don’t know. I’m really tired.
♠ ♠ ♠
Tell me how you are.