Creation

I open the door again but I sure wasn’t ready to what I’ve seen now…

It’s a corridor. What? It’s a dark corridor not the waiting room. Where did the hospital go? Immediately I think of Leana… where is she? I hope that nothing has happened with her, I wouldn’t survive! Leana… Where’s my beautiful wife, and where’s my first son? I look back only to see darkness… I sigh with sadness; I want to find them, they’re all I need. And where can Matt and Val be? They were waiting for me in the car, to take me home so that I can sleep a little and then go back to Leana’s side and start our parents’ life. Leana... Where do they have you? Leana…

Through the slightly open door, I can see there’s some sort of a light in there. Wherever it is… It’s always a light, and since I can see, it will be much easier to find a way out of this place. Wherever I am…

I take a step forward then. I close the door because the darkness behind me was killing me with fear, and at least this corridor provides me some light. So I take a step forward and I close the door behind me, with my eyes fixed in that light, that unexplainably calms me down. It makes me think of Leana and I sure know that I must remain calm in order to keep my mental integrity and to be able of finding a way out of here to her arms. Leana…

As I stare this light at the end of the corridor, and my feet are dying to start walking in that direction, I have this déjà vu feeling, but I don’t know from where it came, since I’ve never been in a place like this… at least not that I remember.

So many times I’ve heard that the things from the past, especially the things we’ve done wrong, always come back to haunt our present and scare us big time and make us pay for those bad things. Some call it Karma, others call it Fate; I don’t have a name for it, but since my past is full of bad things as drugs, drinking, robbery and my bare ass in prison for that, I don’t feel comfortable about it. And this [i9déjà vu thing is not helping me… I just wanna go back to Leana and hold my son, or sit somewhere close to them and watch her feeding him… This happy vision sure makes me smile, with the comfort of the thought that they are mine and will be my family forever. I love them.

Thinking about Leana and our son, I’m invaded by this feeling of happiness and I smile, leaning myself to start moving towards the light. Suddenly I feel some sort of a warm breeze in my back, as if someone touched me, and my reflexes make me turn around and look.

I sure wasn’t ready to find this, because it was another light. I look in front, to the first light I saw, and it’s still there. It confuses me now… because I have two directions, two lights that can take me to Leana; which one shall I follow? I’m in the darkness, with my back on the door that led me here, and whether I look to my right or to my left, there will be a light leaving me now such a huge indecision in my head. My heart beats fast, as I think once more about my beautiful wife, who just had our first child. I just wanna go back to her and love her ‘till death, but this double light is leaving me confused. Which way shall I take?

I could always stay here and wait for the light to come to me and consume me, but I don’t think I would forgive myself for doing nothing to hold Leana again. I wouldn’t forgive myself and it could also kill me or curse me with loneliness for eternity if I keep myself in here doing nothing to come back.

I sure don’t know what to do and it’s killing me inside, as my memories of Leana and of my baby boy assault me and make me realize once more how much I love them and actually miss them. They’re the reason why I breath, I know I can never live without them but I don’t know where to go from here and I can’t decide which way I must follow: right or left? One light or… another light? It would me much easier if there was only one light, I would definitely follow it, with my mind full of Leana’s images, with memories of my happiest moments by her side, with the comfort of knowing that I will always have her, my beautiful wife, and our son, my beautiful baby boy, to help me through the good and the bad times in my life.

I know that if they were here with me it would be easy to find a way out, because Leana’s intuition is very sharp – she always has the greatest ideas to save us form any difficult situation. Leana… but she’s not here, she’s only in my thoughts and in my heart, occupying the major part of both of them, now sharing it with our amazingly beautiful son. Leana…

I can’t stop remembering what has happened after she told me that her waters had broken and that we should go to the hospital to have the baby. I was in our bedroom, after had taken a shower, and I knew she was on the living room, watching some television, which I could actually hear. I was humming a song that I’ve heard some day in some stupid commercial, when I heard her calling my name. I peeked to the living room, not fully leaving the bedroom, and my eyes met hers, which were full of fear, though her voice showed me a piece of anxiety, as she told me to help her. I got dressed in three seconds, probably missing something, as I heard Leana calling for a cab. We had talked about this before: I shouldn’t driver her to the hospital because the nervousness could make us crash and because Leana wanted me by her side until the baby was born… and so I did. I stayed with her and watched her fall asleep, as the doctor had said, but now I’m in this place that I don’t know, fighting with myself to find the best solution.

I should make a move, so I take a deep breath with my eyes closed. I open them again and exhale slowly. I look at my hands. My mind has Leana everywhere. My heart has Leana everywhere. My mind also grabs an image of my baby boy. My heart also grabs an image of my baby boy. My first son… I sigh again. Leana… and as if I was writing something in some paper, I take my right.