Creation

… and as if I’m writing something in some piece of paper, I take my right.

My first step was pretty confident; my mind is focused on finding a way out of this place, my heartbeat is calm. They all allow me to walk in peace. My thoughts keep landing on Leana and my son, who still needs a name. We’ve been arguing about that for too long, we sure need to stop it and reach an agreement soon, for his own sake. There are the thoughts and feelings that make me carry on, that make my life worth to be breathed and that make me keep walking on this corridor. It seems endless. I haven’t stopped once, but it seems that I’m in the same stop because the light isn’t any closer. I think it is walking backwards, always getting farther than before, as if it had its own will and chose to avoid me. I really don’t understand this because if there is a light, it’s supposed to lead our way, not to run away from us… unless you’re not meant to find and reach it.

Now I wonder if this light is going backwards because I was supposed to take the other direction, when I first found the corridor. It’s possible. I look back and notice that the light on the other side is there, but it isn’t farther from me, as if it has also been running in this direction. I stop. Nothing happens. Nothing moves. I sigh.

My mind flies, trying to find a reason to be here, as I feel once more that déjà vu feeling which origin I can’t identify. I search deep inside my memories and reminiscences, but it’s in vain because I don’t know where this feeling comes from. It’s killing me deep inside because I’ve never felt anything like this, but my mind keeps telling me that I’ve been here before, or at least that I’ve seen these walls before. I don’t think I have, but…

As I’m thinking, my feet restart their movement towards the light, though it doesn’t seem to get any closer. I’m in the darkness, but it isn’t scary because I still have two lights surrounding me. One is in front of me and I’m trying to reach it; the other is beside me and, as I look back, it’s at the same distance. What if I really should have chosen the other way? I wonder what would happen if… Oh fuck.

I stop. I look back and the light is… lighter. Or so it seems. It gives me the chills on my back as I keep wondering myself what would happen if I changed my direction. I would definitely have to walk all this distance so far if I wanted to go back and try the other direction, and how would I know that I was in front of the door that brought me to this place? I sigh, and take a look around. There are so many doors on this corridor! I wonder if they all open to different places. It would be a good script for a suspense movie or something…

This is really creepy, and suddenly I remember. Not too many weeks ago, I had the weirdest dream ever. I can’t exactly remember what it was, those images have never been clear in my memory, as if it as a secret dream that I should forget. The only thing I know is that I felt a strong vibration in a dark, peculiar place like this one. It gave me the chills and when I woke up, I know that I was grateful for stopping that dream. It could only be something really bad, embarrassing or forbidden.

I look around once more as my eyes glance the lights, the walls and the doors that encircle me. This is starting to scare me big time because I don’t recognise this place and the fear of being lost is coming to my heart. Along with it comes the images of my beautiful Leana asleep in the hospital bed, so quiet, so peaceful, and the images of our beautiful and beloved son. They are the ones that make me walk again, I’m not sure what is my direction now, but I go with my eyes fixing my way and my heartbeat becoming faster, as my mind is giving me flashes from the birth that occurred before I got in here.

Leana… my mind calls her again. She’s the flame that makes me survive to the worst things in the world, I love her to eternity. She has given me the most beautiful moments of my life. She married me. She made me smile. She hugged me. She cuddled me. I love her. I really do. She gave me the chance to start a family f my own, a concept that I’ve pretty much forgotten during my existence. She’s the mother of my first son, and will be the mother of all my children, doesn’t matter how many we have. She’ll be my one. She’s my only one, I love her.

My mind is smiling as I think, as my heart is lightened by itself. Thinking about her is helping me to remain conscious that I must fight to leave this place. I look ahead, trying to see what was happening in front of me. Thank God, the light was still there. She hadn’t disappeared as my mind was delighted with Leana’s images. Leana… It was still moving though, turning back doesn’t seem a good choice after all. What if now I’m walking in the wrong direction?... I feel lost. So I call for her deep in my heart, I call for Leana, trying to calm down and find a reason to move on. Leana…

Well, I take a few more steps and the light suddenly vanishes, and I see it coming from underneath this door. I wonder if it is the same door through which I walked in here, and if it would take me back to the hospital, meaning that this was only a prank from my tired mind.

I decide to check it out and for that, and so I open the door.