Creation

…the door suddenly closed for itself with a huge sound of bump! in my ears.

I take a few steps back, trying to understand what has just happened. The black door is still in front of me though I can’t see it because of the darkness that remains all over the place in this corridor that still devours me. I can’t see it, its black colour is unrecognisable in the darkness, but I sure can feel it wood components staring at me. It’s almost like a fearful presence in front of my eyes that makes every little hair on my arms stand up in apprehension. It had closed for itself, no hand was touching it and forcing it to close. It happened as if this place has its own will. I’ve learned that it actually has since I can’t do anything for my self – it will always be corrupted by this place. I had seen someone like me. Damn! I’d swear that it was my twin! At first, I felt that I was dreaming, or seeing his face on a funny angle that made him look exactly like me. Sometimes it happens, we find someone that in a certain angle reminds us someone else, but this wasn’t one of those cases. When he realized that I was there, he looked at me and I thought I was looking into a mirror’s surface. He was so much like me: the same eyes, the same nose, the same cheeks, the same mouth, the same hair, the same skin tone. Was he me? I didn’t have more than two seconds looking at him, but I don’t need so much time to tell what I look like! I see myself everyday in the morning, when I take care of my hygiene routine, and I don’t take more than a glance to realize that I have the same face than the day before. How could I not recognise myself when I see a face like mine in a guy who is in front of me?

I shake my head. It sounds impossible. I’ve been lost in here for… I sigh. I’ve been lost in here for God knows how long to find that there is someone like me walking around this same world? I wonder if he knows everything I know or if he has a life of his own… I hope he has one of his own, because my life isn’t desirable to anyone. My past is something wrong that should have never existed… and there’s always Leana. Oh I miss her!... Leana… I feel that my heart is trembling in my chest. I want to hug her so damn much, but I just don’t know how. I sigh in inner pain. The question comes back to my head: does he know what I know? Does he know Leana? Has he ever felt love for her, as I’ve felt all this time? Has he ever felt that amazing beauty of making love with Leana, my beautiful wife?!

Suddenly I feel angry. He can’t know that! Leana’s my wife, the mother of my son; she’s my Beautiful, he can’t love her too. Leana… I wish that he’s just another hallucination of mine, but I want to hear it from his mouth. What if he tells me what I don’t want to hear? I sigh again… I’m confused. I love Leana, my Beautiful. I love her now more than I’ve loved anyone else in my whole life! I love her in good and bad moments of our life together, I love her in health and in pain, in joy and in sadness, every single day of my present and future life. I love her in and I love her to death. Leana… I love her as much as I love my baby boy now. I really do. If someone asked me to walk over livid fire because it was the only way I could see them again, I would do it without even hesitate. If someone asked me to fight with a savage lion to hold them once again, I would do it, even if I could hold them for one moment before I died from the injuries. Yes, I would give my life to save them and guarantee their safety, because I believe in the afterlife and I sure would be watching them from wherever I was sited after my death. Leana…

Thinking of her, made me realize that I should get out of here. I looked around to find myself in front of the same black door, the one that showed me my double, or twin, or reflection, or whatever it was. I’m still here and there’s only darkness around me. I’m shaking, can’t tell if it’s from cold, dear or anxiety. I’m just shaking. I grab the door handle as I try to open it once again, even with the constant fear of finding that picture of myself in there. I try to open it, but I can’t. It’s like he has locked it from the inside. I now remember there was a mirror in there, it was damn gleaming, and I wonder what he was looking at before turning his head to face and scare me. He was definitely looking at the mirror the right instant I found him there; I couldn’t really scrutinize his facial expression because the scene was too quick to fix any detail besides my own face in that body of his. I wanted to see him again, to be able to find some difference between us and to know how much he knows about my life – if he knows anything. I couldn’t tell which one of us was the ‘original one’ and who is the ‘copy’; I’m fuckin’ confused. What the hell am I thinking about?

I take a step back, with a sudden headache taking control of me. Through my mind, I have these constant images of Leana, I can tell why. She is the reason why I keep breathing, the reason why I wake up every morning with a smile over my face, the reason why I live my life daily. She and my son both are my actual world. They’re the ones who make me carry one with my head up, the ones who make me sketch things for our future, the ones who make me feel happy an grateful for this blessed life I’m living in the present tense!

These images are provoking my headache and it doesn’t seem to go away. Although they make me miss my wife and son even more, I don’t want them to go away. I feel that inner peace that every human being seeks in his life as I see Leana singing sweet and soft lullabies to our baby. It feels that I’m with them right now, watching their beautiful figures in front of my eyes. I try to give one step forward to touch them, but my mind must be joking with me because she turned that image into dust.

Suddenly another vision takes control of my mind, as if this place is forcing me to see theis. This one is possibly from the future; Leana is walking our son in the park, he looks three years old. Already?! He’s so grown up… he runs to the swings, begging his mother to pull him high as the sky. They both have wide smiles on their faces and I swear that I can hear my baby boy giggling once in a while. Leana looks proud of our growing child, but her eyes show me sme sadness as well. What is she thinking about? What if…

I shake my head. It can’t be! Out of nowhere, the image is once more torn apart from me as I find myself thinking that it isn’t the future but the present, as if I’m now in some sort of a parallel dimension where times is different. I’m afraid now that time is slower here than in the real world, where Leana is. What if she had sadness in her eyes because I never came back? No! It can’t be! I need to get out of here… but how? Leana may need me to raise our baby by, she must be missing me. I have to go back… please, something that guides me in this maze! Anything!

I look at the door in front of me, the black one. I can’t care less about where it leads me, but I will open it and accept anything that Fate reserved for me. Inside of me, there’s this huge feeling of coming back to Leana’s arms. I want to go back and find everything as I left it – my Beautiful in her hospital bed, my baby boy in his hospital cradle. Those images are quite focused in my mind as I close my eyes and reach the door handle. I pray that it isn’t locked anymore, I sigh and I pull it, checking that it will actually lead me somewhere…