Rise Above This

Love.

Fucking.

Sucks.

I know what you’re thinking. “Hey, why so down? Love’s amazing! You get that feeling that nothing bad can happen when you’re with that special someone.” And then you go and be all lovey-dovey with said person. Well you know what? Go suck a rail road spike.

Here, let me explain my distaste for love. In my opinion, there are three kinds of love. There’s normal love (heterosexuality, meaning guy/girl pairing), frowned-upon love (also known as homosexuality), and finally, illegal love, the more common name being incest. So, can you guess which love I’ve falling in?

I’ll give you a hint: say normal love and I’ll punch you in the face. And I’ll do it, too. I’ve done it twice now.

Good enough? Good.

Now before I tell you, since I know that you don’t want to have to think, you’re probably thinking that if I tell this someone that I love them, they’ll love me back and we’ll live happily ever after. Just like in the movies.

Well guess what boys and girls? YOU ARE SO FUCKING WRONG!!

Why you ask? It’s simple really. You see, I fall under the second and third categories of love in my eyes. So that means not only am I in love with someone of the same sex, they’re my sibling as well. So there. You’re wrong. So stand there in your wrongness and be WRONG!

Oh! I never told you who I was! Oh, you’ll get a kick out of this. I’m well known actually. So, instead of telling you right off hand, I shall give you four clues.

Clue number one: I’m a guy.

Clue number two: I sing.

Clue number three: my only other sibling is my older brother.

And clue number four: Ich bin Deutsch.

So, if you haven’t guessed by now, you must have been born under a rock or something.

Okay fine! I’ll give you one last clue. Hmm…what shall it be? I got it! And if you seriously don’t know this one, I shall slap you.

Ich schrei in die Nacht für Dich, lass mich nicht im Stich. Spring Nicht.

I can picture your face now. Eyes wide and jaw in the floor.

That’s right. I’m Bill Kaulitz, and I’m in love with my brother Tom. My twin brother.

But oh wait! You haven’t heard thebest worst part! He’s straight!

How do I know this? I shall spell it out for you. M-A-R-R-I-A-G-E. That’s right boys and girls. The one thing that can either make someone the happiest in their life or, in my case, miserable as ever. My brother is fucking married. And let me tell you, she’s mean!

Let me tell you about her. Her name’s Lavender. She’s twenty and American. The two of them met after a show in New York City and immediately hit it off, meaning they fucked. Then they started talking on the phone and several weeks later we saw her again and Tom asked her out. She said yes and then six months later he asked her to marry him!

I guess I should let you know how long I’ve been in love with him. Let’s try since I was sixteen. Yeah. A while. So it fucking hurt when I had to lie to him and say that she was great for him because, truth is, she isn’t. She’s rude, snobby, lies about a lot of things, and is mean to me! No joke! I don’t like her. But if she makes Tomi happy, I guess I’ll just have to suck it up. It’s not like I’ll ever get a chance with him.

And then there’s the similarities between Lavender and myself. One, she likes orange (my favorite color), two, she has black hair with blonde streaks in it (like mine!), and three, she calls him by the nickname I gave him and that only I’M aloud to call him. (And what it is, I don’t feel like telling you.) Oh how I hate her. Trying to control me and shit. My mom doesn’t like her either. She told me. She hasn’t told Tomi though. And doesn’t plan on it either. I don’t know why though. Oh well.

So yeah, I’m in love with my straight, married, twin brother. And let me tell you, it sucks to be me right now so much it hurts.

And do you want to know the worst part? I can never tell him. Because knowing him, he’ll call me a sick freak and never speak to me. Oh how I shudder at the very thought. Life without my brother is like not living at all. I’d rather be in love with him and have him not know than having him know and him hating me for it.

I’ve only told three other people, Georg, Gustav, and my mom. Yeah. My mom. The other reason she hates Lavender is because of how she treats me and how she shows off Tom like she’s owns him, while hurting me in the process like she knows that her being with him is torture to me. I was actually shocked when my mom told me that love was love and that if the day were to come that I found out Tom loved me back (not that I’m keeping my fingers crossed), she would except it. I seriously do love my mom.

Yep. I’m done ranting now. Tom and Lavender are fucking again and I know I won’t get to sleep now. Oh well. I guess I’ll try to live.