Rise Above This

I ran over to his side of the room and grabbed my journal. How the hell did it get over here? Unless…no. Oh hell no!

I closed the door and sat against it before opening my journal. Luckily, the first several entries didn’t mention anything about me being in love with my brother. I looked to see that there was a folded corner on one of the pages. I went to that page and read the entry on that page.

This sucks. Why does this have to happen to me? No, it’s not good enough to find out I’m gay. Oh hell no, throw in me liking my brother. My brother. Why? Everything was just fine. Then all this being confused comes into play and suddenly I get turned on by a guy! And guess who the guy is? MY BROTHER! He walked into our room not wearing a shirt. Good thing I had a blanket over me. Shit. What kind of sick freak am I? I can’t want my brother like this. I shouldn’t want him like this. Now my head hurts. Ugh. I’m going to go to bed.

I closed the journal in disbelief. Oh no. Please tell me that he didn’t read that.

I sighed. Shit. Just fucking perfect!! I threw the journal across the room and hit my head on the door behind me. Ouch. That hurt. A lot.

“Bill? You okay in there?” I heard my mom ask.

“Yeah. I’ll be out in a second,” I replied standing up.

“Okay hun,” she said before I heard her walk away.

I sighed and muttered, “Great. Just great.”

I walked over to where I threw my journal and picked it up. I turned it over in my hands before dropping it and kicking it back under my bed where it belonged. I shook my head and walked over to the door before leaving the room and heading back downstairs.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Tom. Tom. Tom. Tom. Tom. Tom. Tom. Tom. Tom. Tom. All night that’s all I’ve been thinking about. I couldn’t help but wonder how much he read. Was that all he read? Or did he read more? I hate thinking about this.

I grabbed my notebook and a pen before opening it to a new page. I clicked open my pen and started writing Tom’s name in it repeatedly while my music barely played.

“Tom, why do you have to leave?” I heard Lavender ask.

“Babe, music is something I love to do. It’s my job,” he replied. “Touring is just part of the job.”

Curious, I got up and sat by the door, listening to their conversation.

“But, how do I know you won’t leave me for another girl once you get over there?” she asked.

“I don’t plan on leaving you for another girl.”

I heard her sigh. “Please don’t go. Tell your brother and them to find another guitarist.”

“Babe, name one person who plays like me.”

“Well, I can’t think of anyone.”

“Exactly. There’s only one Tom Kaulitz. Only me. I haven’t met anyone who can play like me. Neither have the guys.”

“Well, why can’t I come with you at least?”

“I told you already. The bus is already cramped enough as it is with the four of us. Adding more people will just add to the cramped-ness.”

She sighed. “I hate this.”

“Lavender, you knew I’d be touring when we got together. Don’t tell me you didn’t know that.”

“True.”

“So, let me do my job. Music is my job.”

“What if you got two busses?”

“Jost won’t get two buses. Bill’s already suggested it as a solution to the cramped bus issue. Jost told him to just deal with it and that two busses cost too much.”

She sighed. “Fine. Go be famous.”

I heard her walk away and Tom sigh. “Why must it be easy for me to leave, but hard to come back to her?” he asked himself before walking away.

I sighed before getting up and going back over to the bed. I sat down and picked up my pen and notebook before continuing what I was doing.