The My Chemical Romance Study Guide
Electric Frank
“Everybody pack up your stuff,” said Gerard in an abnormally cheerful voice. Mikey raised an eyebrow.
“Are you feeling alright?” he asked suspiciously. Frank began bouncing in his desk, a bad idea even for someone as small as him.
“DOES THIS MEAN WE GET TO GO ON ANOTHER FIELD TRIP?!!” he asked excitedly. Gerard nodded, causing Frank to literally jump out of his desk with joy.
“Okay, just follow me,” said Gerard as he walked out of the room. Mikey followed Frank out to make sure he didn’t accidentally hit someone, while Ray and Bob lagged behind them.
“I’ve got a bad feeling about this,” said Ray. Bob nodded in agreement.
“Maybe we should tell the-” he began.
“No!” Ray yelled, cutting him off. “They can’t know that!” Bob reluctantly agreed.
-
“What in the name of sanity is this?” Mikey asked once they reached their destination.
“It’s my train!” Gerard exclaimed, clapping his hands together most stupidly.
“Your…train?” Ray asked skeptically. His friend nodded vigorously.
“It looks like something out of Star Wars,” commented Bob. Ray glanced at him warily, and he didn’t continue. Everyone suddenly noticed Gerard had gone missing. A giant gold-colored robot was standing in his place.
“Who are you?” asked Mikey. The robot…smiled?
“I’m G-3PO!” the robot said in a metallic voice. All surrounding female robots immediately screamed and fainted at his awesomeness. Mikey was confused.
“Gee…what? Why do you sound like my brother?” he asked.
“I AM IN NO WAY AFFILIATED WITH GERARD WAY OR ANY RELATED SIGNS OR SYMBOLS,” the robot shouted at him. Mikey began backing away slowly. “Halt, Mikey Skywalker!” the robot yelled again. Bob and Ray began to laugh at Mikey’s “nickname”.
“Silence, Darth Bryar and Sith Toro!” it continued. They immediately went quiet. Mikey was too confused to laugh.
“Will everybody please get on the train now? There’s no way we’ll get there on time if we don’t leave now,” G-3PO said in exasperation. Not wanting to face his wrath, the remaining members of MCR boarded the intimidating train. Frank immediately vanished once he stepped inside.
“What happened to Frank?!” Mikey asked in amazement. Thinking his friend had simply left the train, he tried to follow suit, but the doors had already closed behind them. The train lurched forward, throwing him off his feet. He marched up to G-3PO.
“We can’t just leave him behind!” he said crossly. G-3PO laughed.
“We didn’t leave him anywhere,” he said. “The Force is what gives a Jedi his power. It’s an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us, penetrates us, and binds the galaxy together.”
Bob raised his hand.
“Yes, Darth Bryar?” the robot asked innocently.
“First of all, stop calling me that. Second…huh?” Bob asked. G-3PO sighed.
“Never mind. My point of bringing you all here is to learn about electricity.”
“Electricity? Why?” Ray asked.
“Well, you want to pass your Physics test, don’t you?” G-3PO asked nonchalantly. Mikey nodded. “Then that’s what we’re going to do. That’s the whole point of this study guide, anyway.
“Now, here’s the first thing you need to know. I am a conductor.”
“Yes, we can see that,” said Bob. “You’re wearing the stupid hat and everything-”
“Not what I meant,” the robot said flatly. “I mean I conduct electricity.”
“Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooh.”
“Yeah. Anyway, I’m a good conductor because I’m made of metal.”
“You run on batteries, right?” Ray asked suspiciously. G-3PO nodded obliviously.
“And occasionally, you must charge these batteries, right?” continued Bob, clearly catching on to his friend’s plan.
“Yeah. Speaking of which, there are three types of charging: Contact, induction, and polarization…you know, it wouldn’t kill you to take notes here!” G-3PO added. Ray rolled his eyes.
“I already know all of this stuff,” he said flatly. “So does Bob. And where are we going, anyway?”
“I’ll tell you that…if you’ll take notes!” G-3PO said happily. Glowering at him, Ray took out his laptop and began typing rapidly.
“Thank you. Now, for contact charging to work, direct physical contact is required to transfer the charges. This is common for most household appliances.”
“What does that have to do with anything?!” Bob nearly yelled. G-3PO ignored him and continued speaking.
“Induction charging only works with conductors. You have to bring a charged object near a neutral conductor. The charges in the conductor will reverse to attract the object, but unless they touch, no charges will actually be transferred. But they’ll still be changed. Does that make sense?”
“None of this makes sense!” shouted Mikey.
“Oh, calm down, Mikey Skywalker. You’ll get it soon enough,” said G-3PO. Mikey simply glared at him.
“Now, polarization is like the same thing only with insulators. You bring a charged object near a neutral insulator. Like…when you’re trying to stick a balloon to the wall and you rub it on your hair and it gets all staticky and then you can only fix it by shocking the person next to you. That’s polarization.”
“Are you sure you’re qualified to teach this?” Ray asked. G-3PO shrugged.
“Now, on to the Force! Or, more accurately, the Frank. The Frank is the amount of push or pull on an object. To figure out the amount of Frank, we use an extremely long and complicated equation known as Coulomb’s Law.” G-3PO pressed a button on his arm, and a laser suddenly project an image on the wall of the train.
“F is the Frank, k is Coulomb’s constant, q1 and q2 are the objects, and r is the distance between those objects,” the robot explained.
“That doesn’t look so bad,” said Bob, shrugging. G-3PO smiled evilly and pressed another button.
“…and k equals this.”
Bob blinked.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!”
Everyone looked around wildly for the source of the noise, but as far as they could tell, none of them had screamed in fear. They soon heard the sounds of soft crying.
“Frank? Is that you?” asked Ray. There was some kind of an affirmative response.
“It’s so scary!” Frank’s voice wailed. Bob rolled his eyes.
“He’s just hiding somewhere,” he said in exasperation. G-3PO glared at him.
“Didn’t you hear anything I said? The Frank is not a being. It is a power all around us that binds the universe together!”
“Yes, and as of now, I am in control of it!” a new voice announced. Someone tried to crash through one of the train’s windows, but he only smashed into it and was peeled off the side by the hurricane-force winds created from the train’s speed.
“Oh no, it’s Count Bert McInsulator!” G-3PO cried in shock. All surrounding female robots finally woke up but then were immediately attracted to him and magnetized to his shiny metal self, causing him to become unbalanced and fall over. “He’s the greatest enemy of the Jedi, and he’s attacking us right now!” he shouted. It was almost too muffled for them to understand.
“Well what do you want us to do about it?” Mikey asked.
“You’re Mikey Skywalker! You can fight him off with a light saber while I go hide and do absolutely nothing of use!” G-3PO exclaimed. He suddenly gasped, pointing at Bob and Ray, though it was hardly noticeable. “You two! You’re followers of the Sith! YOU LED HIM RIGHT TO US!”
“That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard,” Mikey said, laughing. When he realized he was the only one doing so, he quickly stopped.
“Actually, he’s…sort of right,” Ray said slowly. “We’re not evil, though.”
“But we can use light sabers!” Bob added excitedly.
“That’s a great idea!” said Frank’s voice. An emergency exit hatch opened on the train’s roof, and a very dazed Bert McInsulator dropped through it.
“Now I’ve…got…you,” he said very unthreateningly, still looking very dizzy. He shook his head to clear it. “Hey, where’d my army go?”
At that moment several robot-like things that were actually not made of metal fell on top of him in a pile of insulatorialness.
“Finally! What took you so long?!” he asked impatiently.
“We had to stop for Starbucks,” said the nearest robot thing. Bert nodded in agreement.
“Anyway, back to my conquest of these idiots right here in front of me,” he said, almost to himself. He pulled a wooden sword from behind his back. “Fear me and my army of non-metal robots!”
Bob glanced at Ray, and they both pulled out awesome light sabers and began fighting the army, but Bert attacked them and sent them flying back to a point where they could do no more damage to him. Suddenly, a short, green-skinned creature appeared before him.
“Oh my evilness!” cried Bert. “Yoda the Jediero?! I thought I got rid of you!”
“Not defeated quite so easily am I!” shouted Yoda the Jediero. Unfazed, Bert picked him up and set him on a table nearby so he could serve as a can opener and not be a threat. Growling, Yoda the Jediero made a lightsaber appear from nowhere and pressed the ON button. All it did was spark once and die. Not one to be deterred by faulty weaponry, he made batteries appear from nowhere and replaced the old crappy ones sent by the manufacturer. The lightsaber finally turned on correctly, swirling with many different colors.
“Taste the rainbow you will!” he cried, jumping into the air toward Bert McInsulator and pwning him badly.
Bert jumped out the window to avoid further punishment.
Yoda the Jediero used the power of the Frank to demagnetize G-3PO so he could finally stand up again, then disappeared and turned back into the Frank.
“That was anti-climactic,” said Bob as the train came to a stop. He stepped off as soon as the doors opened. “ARE YOU SERIOUS?!” he shouted suddenly. Ray jumped off the train as well to see what was wrong.
“You’re kidding, right?” he asked Bob. The drummer shook his head grimly.
“You mean to tell me we just took a train ride all around Disneyland?!” Mikey asked incredulously. G-3PO vanished just as Gerard walked out from behind some conveniently placed bushes.
“Hey guys, how was the trip?” he asked with a smile.
“I hate you,” said Mikey with an accompanying glare. “I’m going to Toontown.” He walked away.
“What about-” Gerard began.
“Goodbye,” Bob and ray said simultaneously, getting back on the train and leaving before they were mauled by fans. Unfortunately, Gerard wasn’t quite that lucky. Frank wasn’t, either, because he had to stay invisible until the clock struck midnight and the train turned back into a pumpkin.
Happy Halloween. [/really bad connection of jokes]
“Are you feeling alright?” he asked suspiciously. Frank began bouncing in his desk, a bad idea even for someone as small as him.
“DOES THIS MEAN WE GET TO GO ON ANOTHER FIELD TRIP?!!” he asked excitedly. Gerard nodded, causing Frank to literally jump out of his desk with joy.
“Okay, just follow me,” said Gerard as he walked out of the room. Mikey followed Frank out to make sure he didn’t accidentally hit someone, while Ray and Bob lagged behind them.
“I’ve got a bad feeling about this,” said Ray. Bob nodded in agreement.
“Maybe we should tell the-” he began.
“No!” Ray yelled, cutting him off. “They can’t know that!” Bob reluctantly agreed.
-
“What in the name of sanity is this?” Mikey asked once they reached their destination.
“It’s my train!” Gerard exclaimed, clapping his hands together most stupidly.
“Your…train?” Ray asked skeptically. His friend nodded vigorously.
“It looks like something out of Star Wars,” commented Bob. Ray glanced at him warily, and he didn’t continue. Everyone suddenly noticed Gerard had gone missing. A giant gold-colored robot was standing in his place.
“Who are you?” asked Mikey. The robot…smiled?
“I’m G-3PO!” the robot said in a metallic voice. All surrounding female robots immediately screamed and fainted at his awesomeness. Mikey was confused.
“Gee…what? Why do you sound like my brother?” he asked.
“I AM IN NO WAY AFFILIATED WITH GERARD WAY OR ANY RELATED SIGNS OR SYMBOLS,” the robot shouted at him. Mikey began backing away slowly. “Halt, Mikey Skywalker!” the robot yelled again. Bob and Ray began to laugh at Mikey’s “nickname”.
“Silence, Darth Bryar and Sith Toro!” it continued. They immediately went quiet. Mikey was too confused to laugh.
“Will everybody please get on the train now? There’s no way we’ll get there on time if we don’t leave now,” G-3PO said in exasperation. Not wanting to face his wrath, the remaining members of MCR boarded the intimidating train. Frank immediately vanished once he stepped inside.
“What happened to Frank?!” Mikey asked in amazement. Thinking his friend had simply left the train, he tried to follow suit, but the doors had already closed behind them. The train lurched forward, throwing him off his feet. He marched up to G-3PO.
“We can’t just leave him behind!” he said crossly. G-3PO laughed.
“We didn’t leave him anywhere,” he said. “The Force is what gives a Jedi his power. It’s an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us, penetrates us, and binds the galaxy together.”
Bob raised his hand.
“Yes, Darth Bryar?” the robot asked innocently.
“First of all, stop calling me that. Second…huh?” Bob asked. G-3PO sighed.
“Never mind. My point of bringing you all here is to learn about electricity.”
“Electricity? Why?” Ray asked.
“Well, you want to pass your Physics test, don’t you?” G-3PO asked nonchalantly. Mikey nodded. “Then that’s what we’re going to do. That’s the whole point of this study guide, anyway.
“Now, here’s the first thing you need to know. I am a conductor.”
“Yes, we can see that,” said Bob. “You’re wearing the stupid hat and everything-”
“Not what I meant,” the robot said flatly. “I mean I conduct electricity.”
“Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooh.”
“Yeah. Anyway, I’m a good conductor because I’m made of metal.”
“You run on batteries, right?” Ray asked suspiciously. G-3PO nodded obliviously.
“And occasionally, you must charge these batteries, right?” continued Bob, clearly catching on to his friend’s plan.
“Yeah. Speaking of which, there are three types of charging: Contact, induction, and polarization…you know, it wouldn’t kill you to take notes here!” G-3PO added. Ray rolled his eyes.
“I already know all of this stuff,” he said flatly. “So does Bob. And where are we going, anyway?”
“I’ll tell you that…if you’ll take notes!” G-3PO said happily. Glowering at him, Ray took out his laptop and began typing rapidly.
“Thank you. Now, for contact charging to work, direct physical contact is required to transfer the charges. This is common for most household appliances.”
“What does that have to do with anything?!” Bob nearly yelled. G-3PO ignored him and continued speaking.
“Induction charging only works with conductors. You have to bring a charged object near a neutral conductor. The charges in the conductor will reverse to attract the object, but unless they touch, no charges will actually be transferred. But they’ll still be changed. Does that make sense?”
“None of this makes sense!” shouted Mikey.
“Oh, calm down, Mikey Skywalker. You’ll get it soon enough,” said G-3PO. Mikey simply glared at him.
“Now, polarization is like the same thing only with insulators. You bring a charged object near a neutral insulator. Like…when you’re trying to stick a balloon to the wall and you rub it on your hair and it gets all staticky and then you can only fix it by shocking the person next to you. That’s polarization.”
“Are you sure you’re qualified to teach this?” Ray asked. G-3PO shrugged.
“Now, on to the Force! Or, more accurately, the Frank. The Frank is the amount of push or pull on an object. To figure out the amount of Frank, we use an extremely long and complicated equation known as Coulomb’s Law.” G-3PO pressed a button on his arm, and a laser suddenly project an image on the wall of the train.
“F is the Frank, k is Coulomb’s constant, q1 and q2 are the objects, and r is the distance between those objects,” the robot explained.
“That doesn’t look so bad,” said Bob, shrugging. G-3PO smiled evilly and pressed another button.
“…and k equals this.”
Bob blinked.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!”
Everyone looked around wildly for the source of the noise, but as far as they could tell, none of them had screamed in fear. They soon heard the sounds of soft crying.
“Frank? Is that you?” asked Ray. There was some kind of an affirmative response.
“It’s so scary!” Frank’s voice wailed. Bob rolled his eyes.
“He’s just hiding somewhere,” he said in exasperation. G-3PO glared at him.
“Didn’t you hear anything I said? The Frank is not a being. It is a power all around us that binds the universe together!”
“Yes, and as of now, I am in control of it!” a new voice announced. Someone tried to crash through one of the train’s windows, but he only smashed into it and was peeled off the side by the hurricane-force winds created from the train’s speed.
“Oh no, it’s Count Bert McInsulator!” G-3PO cried in shock. All surrounding female robots finally woke up but then were immediately attracted to him and magnetized to his shiny metal self, causing him to become unbalanced and fall over. “He’s the greatest enemy of the Jedi, and he’s attacking us right now!” he shouted. It was almost too muffled for them to understand.
“Well what do you want us to do about it?” Mikey asked.
“You’re Mikey Skywalker! You can fight him off with a light saber while I go hide and do absolutely nothing of use!” G-3PO exclaimed. He suddenly gasped, pointing at Bob and Ray, though it was hardly noticeable. “You two! You’re followers of the Sith! YOU LED HIM RIGHT TO US!”
“That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard,” Mikey said, laughing. When he realized he was the only one doing so, he quickly stopped.
“Actually, he’s…sort of right,” Ray said slowly. “We’re not evil, though.”
“But we can use light sabers!” Bob added excitedly.
“That’s a great idea!” said Frank’s voice. An emergency exit hatch opened on the train’s roof, and a very dazed Bert McInsulator dropped through it.
“Now I’ve…got…you,” he said very unthreateningly, still looking very dizzy. He shook his head to clear it. “Hey, where’d my army go?”
At that moment several robot-like things that were actually not made of metal fell on top of him in a pile of insulatorialness.
“Finally! What took you so long?!” he asked impatiently.
“We had to stop for Starbucks,” said the nearest robot thing. Bert nodded in agreement.
“Anyway, back to my conquest of these idiots right here in front of me,” he said, almost to himself. He pulled a wooden sword from behind his back. “Fear me and my army of non-metal robots!”
Bob glanced at Ray, and they both pulled out awesome light sabers and began fighting the army, but Bert attacked them and sent them flying back to a point where they could do no more damage to him. Suddenly, a short, green-skinned creature appeared before him.
“Oh my evilness!” cried Bert. “Yoda the Jediero?! I thought I got rid of you!”
“Not defeated quite so easily am I!” shouted Yoda the Jediero. Unfazed, Bert picked him up and set him on a table nearby so he could serve as a can opener and not be a threat. Growling, Yoda the Jediero made a lightsaber appear from nowhere and pressed the ON button. All it did was spark once and die. Not one to be deterred by faulty weaponry, he made batteries appear from nowhere and replaced the old crappy ones sent by the manufacturer. The lightsaber finally turned on correctly, swirling with many different colors.
“Taste the rainbow you will!” he cried, jumping into the air toward Bert McInsulator and pwning him badly.
Bert jumped out the window to avoid further punishment.
Yoda the Jediero used the power of the Frank to demagnetize G-3PO so he could finally stand up again, then disappeared and turned back into the Frank.
“That was anti-climactic,” said Bob as the train came to a stop. He stepped off as soon as the doors opened. “ARE YOU SERIOUS?!” he shouted suddenly. Ray jumped off the train as well to see what was wrong.
“You’re kidding, right?” he asked Bob. The drummer shook his head grimly.
“You mean to tell me we just took a train ride all around Disneyland?!” Mikey asked incredulously. G-3PO vanished just as Gerard walked out from behind some conveniently placed bushes.
“Hey guys, how was the trip?” he asked with a smile.
“I hate you,” said Mikey with an accompanying glare. “I’m going to Toontown.” He walked away.
“What about-” Gerard began.
“Goodbye,” Bob and ray said simultaneously, getting back on the train and leaving before they were mauled by fans. Unfortunately, Gerard wasn’t quite that lucky. Frank wasn’t, either, because he had to stay invisible until the clock struck midnight and the train turned back into a pumpkin.
Happy Halloween. [/really bad connection of jokes]