Sequel: Question ›
Stay with me
Mixed up
Dreams and thoughts
She turned only to see his back, and this was fine by her. If only she could let him know. If only she could know how he really felt towards her. She told him, some of it and asked him what was on his mind, but his only reply was that of loathing for himself; at least that’s how it seemed to her. But was this a fair assumption? All his reply told her was that he’s always liked another more than he should have done; that he wasn’t loyal to her when he was with her because he loved Madonna. How could she be sure now after all that he’s put her through Madonna’s got to move on, he’s hurt her too much already, she knows that but wants him still how could she bear being with him, would he only hurt her more; or, god forbid it, not love her at all? Was this what she really wanted too? If it meant that he was hers’ even is not fully, could this be what she longed for in her deepest and most lost part of her heart? God she loves him if she could put up with that, and the agonizing wait which he was putting her through every time she asked him a question. It just wasn’t fair, not to her, and was it particularly fair to him either? Did he even know what he wanted then? Does he even now?
His back was that of a smooth golden tan, a thick muscular structure of godly beauty. Madonna was damned if she could stop staring, he must have known, must have felt the skin on his back being fried off with her eyes full of longing and desperation. It had to stop. He had messed with her mind for far too long, no more, not again. She refused to lust after such a tyrant man, a man of such beauty he belonged in Greek mythology, not a here; or so she thought. Where was that anyway? Not somewhere Madonna wanted to be she was above this; she is Madonna! His was the smile she sought after in the corridors. It was nowhere at the beginning of the world; and still remains so. That was the reason why she made her vow to not love him anymore, but just how possible was that vow going to be? Is it even the way her life is supposed to follow, or is this decision the one all important reason for her life turning out the way it will? Is this why roses smell like ‘boo-yoo-hoo’? Tears streaming down her face told Madonna the truth, she wasn’t just making her vow, and she was determined to finish it, carry it out as best she could. So why, why these tears? In her garden of childhood love, the only thing constant in her life, it was reliable, honest and held nothing from or against her. The only thing to understand he life in the way that it was, there was nothing she could do anymore, her garden was lying to her and her tears flowed with steady hatred. Roses so pure but oozing with deceit, there was nothing she could say, nothing she could possibly do. Just to try and make it through. Holding onto her shredded hopes of solidarity and childish dreams of being loved and understood now wasted stretched out in front of her. She’s running towards them but their reality and promise were running away with equal stamina and a pace faster than she could dream them up.
Thoughts and wanderings
If he understood then she could try harder to forget but if she forgot would that be the end of their friendship also? This poor guy has gone through so much if only he trusted her more and cried alone less. Could he be honest though? If she told him could he really understand? She had asked these questions so many times but now they seemed to be holding a more hurtful meaning was it real or just a fabricated fiction of what she hoped would or wouldn't happen? She was alone now, on her own and lonely without love or company in a garden of lies and voices in her head telling her not to worry but they have lied to her all of her life, not a promising prospect to face when you are almost unbearably close to a mental breaking point, but if that needs to be the way things are then who was she to argue? If in fact Madonna wanted to be his then was it worth listening to her heart breaking every time he walked away....I myself cannot tell you his name for to do so would be to destroy all hope she had of being with him, damn her superstitious fears, them being there only stops you hearing the whole story from the start to the final and hurtful breaking of their hearts together combined. Was this the truth or is my realization the facts as they should be viewed?
Asleep her mind succumbs to a world, not too unlike this one of our reality, but one where her heart can do as it pleases and pain doesn’t hurt even as love breaks her down. To her sleeping is like dying, because when she sleeps there is a sweet release of numbness. As she longs for nights during the day; during the nights she longs for death to take her whole, swallow her and let her be the person she is not the expectation of others. If in wishing for death she becomes mentally retarded and challenged or haunted with fears of reality who are we to judge, if this is her safe-haven then what does it makes us but no better then petty thieves and murderers to take this little joy from her desolate life?
Wanderings and hopes
As the days go by and her heart keeps growing smaller, Adeline turns so as not to face her tears, friends have left her and love has all but shown little grace. If this is her life then what shall become of her death? I may not be important but I am still a person and every person has a right to an opinion. Therefore mine is thus; he isn’t worth her time but maybe his time is worth her? Therefore if this may so be the case then what is to say that love and life cannot be completed without understanding of hatred and longing in them also?
As her life goes on she may stop to think and try to understand but anytime Madonna begins in her minds hapless wanderings then is her only happiness to come from her only pain- just as Juliet’s only love had sprung from her only hate? The wandering mind can hold many a dangerous hope, just as many dangerous hopes can lead to numerous happy wanderings. All items, emotions and being in this universe are connected but it took Adeline’s’ reasoning to help me to understand. What is special about this girl and why does she haunt my waking and dying moments so? It is as if our hearts; possibly very souls are connected, I feel so much her pain but so much less her joy. The agony he puts her through becomes my agony too and if that is similar to, then who are we to be parliament and dictate her very nature.
It is human to love and animal to hunt another’s dreams. I hope as she subconsciously to succeed but what is that when she is determined to fail. Not outwardly but she is aiming so low in her ambitions that no one even cares if she succeeds anymore. All but accepted ad left to fend alone, love holds no honor if it is but to take joy and run as a scared kitten.
When I first met Guy Richie life was exciting, everything seemed to be fun. He is famous I am famous, how couldn’t that be a perfect match? Looking back on it now, life did seem happier before. Before him I was an individual. My own person, then I became Guy Richie’s girlfriend that itself seemed alright; but only at the beginning, soon I found that this wasn’t the life I wanted, of course that was after the marriage. After I lost all my identity except through my music. That was my only escape. Still struggling and trying to keep my own personality separate from his. Marriage, I know everything changes then, but why did I become Guy’s wife, for love I understood at first on the other hand now I’m looking back its not who I want to be I love another and loving another isn’t easy when you are classified.
I don’t feel the same for her anymore, my life is changed, but of course that is an obvious statement seeing as after eight years we are getting a divorce. This isn’t an easy time for either of us, so it would be much appreciated if the paparazzi could just ‘f*** off’
She turned only to see his back, and this was fine by her. If only she could let him know. If only she could know how he really felt towards her. She told him, some of it and asked him what was on his mind, but his only reply was that of loathing for himself; at least that’s how it seemed to her. But was this a fair assumption? All his reply told her was that he’s always liked another more than he should have done; that he wasn’t loyal to her when he was with her because he loved Madonna. How could she be sure now after all that he’s put her through Madonna’s got to move on, he’s hurt her too much already, she knows that but wants him still how could she bear being with him, would he only hurt her more; or, god forbid it, not love her at all? Was this what she really wanted too? If it meant that he was hers’ even is not fully, could this be what she longed for in her deepest and most lost part of her heart? God she loves him if she could put up with that, and the agonizing wait which he was putting her through every time she asked him a question. It just wasn’t fair, not to her, and was it particularly fair to him either? Did he even know what he wanted then? Does he even now?
His back was that of a smooth golden tan, a thick muscular structure of godly beauty. Madonna was damned if she could stop staring, he must have known, must have felt the skin on his back being fried off with her eyes full of longing and desperation. It had to stop. He had messed with her mind for far too long, no more, not again. She refused to lust after such a tyrant man, a man of such beauty he belonged in Greek mythology, not a here; or so she thought. Where was that anyway? Not somewhere Madonna wanted to be she was above this; she is Madonna! His was the smile she sought after in the corridors. It was nowhere at the beginning of the world; and still remains so. That was the reason why she made her vow to not love him anymore, but just how possible was that vow going to be? Is it even the way her life is supposed to follow, or is this decision the one all important reason for her life turning out the way it will? Is this why roses smell like ‘boo-yoo-hoo’? Tears streaming down her face told Madonna the truth, she wasn’t just making her vow, and she was determined to finish it, carry it out as best she could. So why, why these tears? In her garden of childhood love, the only thing constant in her life, it was reliable, honest and held nothing from or against her. The only thing to understand he life in the way that it was, there was nothing she could do anymore, her garden was lying to her and her tears flowed with steady hatred. Roses so pure but oozing with deceit, there was nothing she could say, nothing she could possibly do. Just to try and make it through. Holding onto her shredded hopes of solidarity and childish dreams of being loved and understood now wasted stretched out in front of her. She’s running towards them but their reality and promise were running away with equal stamina and a pace faster than she could dream them up.
Thoughts and wanderings
If he understood then she could try harder to forget but if she forgot would that be the end of their friendship also? This poor guy has gone through so much if only he trusted her more and cried alone less. Could he be honest though? If she told him could he really understand? She had asked these questions so many times but now they seemed to be holding a more hurtful meaning was it real or just a fabricated fiction of what she hoped would or wouldn't happen? She was alone now, on her own and lonely without love or company in a garden of lies and voices in her head telling her not to worry but they have lied to her all of her life, not a promising prospect to face when you are almost unbearably close to a mental breaking point, but if that needs to be the way things are then who was she to argue? If in fact Madonna wanted to be his then was it worth listening to her heart breaking every time he walked away....I myself cannot tell you his name for to do so would be to destroy all hope she had of being with him, damn her superstitious fears, them being there only stops you hearing the whole story from the start to the final and hurtful breaking of their hearts together combined. Was this the truth or is my realization the facts as they should be viewed?
Asleep her mind succumbs to a world, not too unlike this one of our reality, but one where her heart can do as it pleases and pain doesn’t hurt even as love breaks her down. To her sleeping is like dying, because when she sleeps there is a sweet release of numbness. As she longs for nights during the day; during the nights she longs for death to take her whole, swallow her and let her be the person she is not the expectation of others. If in wishing for death she becomes mentally retarded and challenged or haunted with fears of reality who are we to judge, if this is her safe-haven then what does it makes us but no better then petty thieves and murderers to take this little joy from her desolate life?
Wanderings and hopes
As the days go by and her heart keeps growing smaller, Adeline turns so as not to face her tears, friends have left her and love has all but shown little grace. If this is her life then what shall become of her death? I may not be important but I am still a person and every person has a right to an opinion. Therefore mine is thus; he isn’t worth her time but maybe his time is worth her? Therefore if this may so be the case then what is to say that love and life cannot be completed without understanding of hatred and longing in them also?
As her life goes on she may stop to think and try to understand but anytime Madonna begins in her minds hapless wanderings then is her only happiness to come from her only pain- just as Juliet’s only love had sprung from her only hate? The wandering mind can hold many a dangerous hope, just as many dangerous hopes can lead to numerous happy wanderings. All items, emotions and being in this universe are connected but it took Adeline’s’ reasoning to help me to understand. What is special about this girl and why does she haunt my waking and dying moments so? It is as if our hearts; possibly very souls are connected, I feel so much her pain but so much less her joy. The agony he puts her through becomes my agony too and if that is similar to, then who are we to be parliament and dictate her very nature.
It is human to love and animal to hunt another’s dreams. I hope as she subconsciously to succeed but what is that when she is determined to fail. Not outwardly but she is aiming so low in her ambitions that no one even cares if she succeeds anymore. All but accepted ad left to fend alone, love holds no honor if it is but to take joy and run as a scared kitten.
When I first met Guy Richie life was exciting, everything seemed to be fun. He is famous I am famous, how couldn’t that be a perfect match? Looking back on it now, life did seem happier before. Before him I was an individual. My own person, then I became Guy Richie’s girlfriend that itself seemed alright; but only at the beginning, soon I found that this wasn’t the life I wanted, of course that was after the marriage. After I lost all my identity except through my music. That was my only escape. Still struggling and trying to keep my own personality separate from his. Marriage, I know everything changes then, but why did I become Guy’s wife, for love I understood at first on the other hand now I’m looking back its not who I want to be I love another and loving another isn’t easy when you are classified.
I don’t feel the same for her anymore, my life is changed, but of course that is an obvious statement seeing as after eight years we are getting a divorce. This isn’t an easy time for either of us, so it would be much appreciated if the paparazzi could just ‘f*** off’