Diary of a Reluctant Ruler

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
We got to the cinema without hitting much traffic, though Saturday was a usually busy day for tourists. The cinema was a huge corrugated iron construct, with brick up to 7ft of the walls. Huge billboards proclaimed the titles of the films being shown; Besieged, Discovering Mrs. Right, Red Sky at Night… I liked the look of several, but didn’t know what they were about.

“Hurry up Phil!” Olly moaned.

She’s in a moany mood today.

I think she may be a little tired of your delayed reactions.

“What’s that one about?” I asked, pointing at ‘Red Sky at Night’.

“Viking invasion,” James answered, “It’s supposed to be gory.”

“Maybe not. That one?” I pointed at ‘Besieged’.

“Oo! Psychological drama about a woman trapped by gender stereotypes in the 17th century!” Olly said, reading from a leaflet she had just picked up.

“Sounds… interesting?”

I took the leaflet from her and flicked through. A picture from Looking For Mrs. Right popped out from the page and I read the description; ‘romantic comedy about a man failing to make a match’.

“Looking For Mrs. Right?” I asked, looking first at Olly, then James. Both nodded, so I smiled happily and we went in to buy tickets.

“Popcorn?” James asked, as we approached the food counter.

“I dunno,” I said, looking suspiciously at the fluffy little white blobs.

“We can share,” he said, pulling out his wallet.

“What’s it taste like?” I asked.

“What-!?” James stared at me, “Phil, you’re about as knowledgeable as a toadstool.”

For all he knows, Toadstools might be very knowledgeable plants.

*laugh/coughs* Yeah…

“Thanks,” I glared.

“James you should know by now, that Phil is not of average intelligence,” Olly commented, thanking the man behind the counter as he passed her the popcorn.

I glared at her too, unsure whether she meant that the nice way or not.

“I mean,” she reassured, noticing my look, “That whereas she will know exactly where to place the Crown Princess of Bolivia compared to His Royal Highness the Earl of Jamaica at a state banquet, she has absolutely no idea how to appreciate Johnny Depp or what in this instance, popcorn tastes like.”

“You’d better get used to it,” I added.

“I declare I shan’t,” James said in a snooty accent, “I don’t see why she can’t learn.”

“Well, it’s a little bit difficult in my situation.”

“I’m sure it is,” he answered, “But difficult is worth doing.”

I rolled my eyes at him, and we went into screen 3. The adverts were still rolling so we took seats in the middle where we wouldn’t have to crick our necks to see the screen. An hour and forty-five minutes later and our necks were almost dead anyway. I loved the cinema! The screen was huge, compared to our small screen back home, and the darkness meant that you could concentrate entirely on the film.

Plus, popcorn was pure bliss! It melted on your tongue and when we’d eaten all of it, there were un-popped bits left in the bottom which crunched really nicely. I tried not to eat too much, but I definitely failed.

Pig.

How dare you!

How do I dare? I dare darefully.

That doesn’t make any sense!

It does to me.

“Phil,” James whispered, “Your wigs slipped over your forehead a bit.”

Olly looked at me and giggled. I tried to adjust it.

“Any better?”

“No!” Olly laughed, twitching it back into place, “There.”

“Thanks!” I laughed.

James flicked a loose hair away from my shoulder, and I smiled at him.

“What did you think of the film?” I asked.

“Bit soppy,” he grimaced.

“Really? I thought it was really romantic,” I replied.

“Exactly. Soppy-romantic,” James said.

“Urgh, boys!” Olly said, linking arms with me.

We walked ahead, leaving James behind as he tried to find a rubbish bin for the popcorn carton. We crossed the pavement but paused before we could get to James’s car. A group of lads were gathered around it, admiring it. Olly dug in her pocket for the keys which she had filched off James.

“ ’Scuse me,” she said, leaving me where I stood to push through them.

I followed her a little timidly.

“Wow, is this your car?” one of them asked.

“Hot chick with a hot car,” I heard one of them whisper.

“It’s my brother’s actually,” Olly replied rather overloud, opening the driver’s door.

“Give us a go,” one said.

“Sorry, got to go,” Olly said, ushering me into the passenger seat.

A little spark of fear sprung up in my throat as they stayed where they were. Thinking about it, they all looked a little rough. Olly put the keys in the ignition and started the car. My eyes widened.

“Olly can you drive?” I whispered.

“Yes and no,” she answered.

“Come on love, give us a drive!” one of the lads yelled.

“You’d better move,” she said back, slamming the car door. The engine roared as she reversed quickly. I grabbed for my seat belt, as we swerved out of the group, who scattered quickly. I could see James in the distance, confusion across his face. We stopped to let him in, then drove off.

“What was that about?” he asked, as we stopped a little distance away to swap drivers.

“Just a bunch of lads,” Olly said, “You might want to get a more conspicuous car.”

“Sorry,” James answered, driving back to the castle, “You ok Phil? You look white.”

“Just got a shock,” I replied, sinking back into my seat.