Diary of a Reluctant Ruler

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The next day I was parcelled off with Jade in a darkened-window Audi, nervously awaiting the trial of long-lessons that was my new college. ‘The Royal College’ was the simple name, though it had a hundred different departments that could be counted as schools in themselves. I arrived early, to meet the Headmistress, who stood hawk-like at the entrance, and swooped on us as soon as we stepped out of the car.

“Meredith.”

The welcoming tone had an underlying iron ring.

“Pleasure to meet you, madame…” I replied.

“Madame Winthrope, Head of the school and further mathematics.”

Hardcore subject.

Hardcore?!

Yeah, well…

I nodded smartly, wishing, in light of the headmistress’s smart suit-skirt combination, that I had dressed up a little instead of wearing just grey trousers and a shirt.

Yes, that is considered casual.

Better get used to it.

“If you’ll come with me,” she continued.

We swept through the foyer, exiting before I could fully glimpse the marble balustrades of the galleries above, leaving just a vague image of rose-coloured stone.

“I would escort you around the school myself,” Madame Winthrope explained, “But I have several things to attend to, so I’ll be leaving you in the hands of Madame Hooting.”

Without another word, Mme Winthrope swept away, leaving Jade and I in front of a large oak double doors. The word ‘Library’ swirled above in gold letters, and the door creaked as Jade pushed it forwards. A small spindly lady bustled over to us, large eyes magnified by thick tortoise-shell rimmed glasses.

Looks like a small-scale Professor Trelawney.

Don’t be mean.

“Can I help you?” she asked quietly, voice warbling.

She doesn’t know who we are.

I stood, a little, no very, gob-smacked.

“This is Princess Meredith,” Jade said, interrupting my silence.

If possible, her eyes were made even wider by the announcement.

“Oh my, my…” she whispered, “Yes… yes, come this way.”

She tiptoed away over to the library desk, surrounded by a forest of tall oak bookcases. She disappeared behind the desk, a hand popping up every so often to place a book on an ever-growing pile.

“Here,” she said, giving a small sneeze and pushing the pile towards me, “Now, if you’ll follow me…”

I glanced at Jade, who smiled and followed Mme Hooting.

“Now, let me see… there are four houses; Holly, Oak, Rowan and Ash. You’ll be in Rowan, their common room is on third floor in the English department. Other common rooms are banned unless you have permission from a member of the house to enter… your timetable is on your books… class is to be attended punctually… school starts at 8.45am and ends at 5.00pm…”

Mme Hooting stopped in front of a small door off a long corridor on the third floor. She smiled and nodded, then tiptoed away.

“Right…” I said, taking a deep breath.

Inside, the Rowan common room, a few students lounged in armchairs. I gulped and followed Jade over to an empty table and chairs. I sorted through my books slowly; The Critical Anthology of Literature, A Compendium of Classic Poets, Coastal Lines and Geographic’s of South Adria, The Psychology of the Mind, The Definition of Normal, and Business in the Modern World.

Looks interesting…

A few people across the room were surveying me warily. I smiled back and gave a half-wave before turning to Jade.

“Are you going to stick with me the whole term?” I asked.

“No,” she answered, “That would be impractical. I’ll travel to and from school with you, but I won’t double you everywhere.”

“Right,” I replied.

“I’ll stick with you today though, Mme the Queen Mother’s wishes.”

Mme the Queen Mother?... oh, Grandma.

“This could be interesting,” I sighed.

My timetable said I had Geography next, then Economics, and double Psychology. I briefly contemplated topping myself… but that was stupid.

The rest of the day was… interesting.

I’m saying that a lot today.

It’s true.

In Geography I managed to gain the one seat left in the class, next to a tall, gangly boy called David, who looked rather geeky at first, but then turned out to be very helpful and not at all snobby. I don’t think he realised who I was until the end of the lesson when he took his glasses out to read the board…

Economics was deadly boring.

Professor Simmons, an elderly gentleman of thick proportions, welcomed the class by damning the human race in general, and followed it up with a close analysis at the younger generations’, or ‘youth’ as he called us, dreadful spending habits which mutated into a general lecture on euthanasia for all people under 30.

Psychology?

Well, I managed to end up being the topic of conversation, and guess what? The teacher put the four reactions up on the board.

When did we first make up the four reactions?

We didn’t make them up, someone else did I’m sure…

Hmm…

1. Be awestruck.
2. Panic
3. Immediate stereotypical prejudices
4. Accept the situation.

Her four have better grammar…

The teacher stopped chalking across the board, and turned to me with eyebrows raised.

“Well Meredith? Can you agree with those?” Ms Snowdon asked.

“Yeah,” I coughed as my voice disappeared, “Yeah, that’s about right.”

“It is common human psyche to have the instinct to either fight or flee,” Ms Snowdon explained, “In celebrities, or Meredith here, we get the same basic reaction, but tempered slightly…”

I sighed quietly, and tried to correct my posture.

Because we had a double, Ms Snowdon let us have a five minute break between periods. I wondered whether to make a quick exit in search of the toilets, but then was immediately swamped by people.

“Hey!”

“Hi!”

“So Meredith, what’s it like being a princess?”

Arggh!

Arggh indeed…

“You guys are worse than the paparazzi!” I cried, laughing.

“Give her some breathing space guys,” said a girl still sitting at the desk next to me, flicking through a textbook.

“Right,” I breathed, “Introduce yourselves, left to right, starting with the lady on the left.”

“Maria.”

“Jacques.”

“Iona.”

“Shona.”

“Katriona.”

“Henry.”

There was a brief pause, and then the girl with the textbook started.

“Oh, sorry! Um, I’m Jenn.”

“Hi Jenn,” I said, “Ok… er, Henry, Jacques, Maria… er…! The -ona’s!”

“Katriona,” said the closest, pointing to herself, “Iona and Shona.”

“Are you guys related?” I asked.

“Triplets,” Katriona grimaced.

“And you all took psychology?”

“Yup,” they said, completely in unison.

“Woh,” I cried.

“It’s their favourite trick,” Jacques explained, “the unison thing.”

“Nice to meet you guys,” I said, “Please don’t be angry if I forget names though.”

“Oh, I’m dreadful at it,” Iona answered, “Difficult to forget your name though.”

“Oh, it’s not Meredith,” I replied.

“Eh?” Henry said.

“Yeah... I usually ask people to call me Phil.”

“Phil?” the-ona-I-think-was-Sh asked.

“My real name just doesn’t fit,” I replied.

“Why, was it too big?” Henry laughed.

“What, Meredith Juliana Eleanor Isabella Rosamund Caramont?” I chanted.

“Wow!” Jacques said.

“You’ve got to admit, that’s pretty long,” I sighed.

“I knew someone who had a greenhouse for a name,” Jenn said quietly, “Delphinium was her first name, and then she had a load of plants for middle names… Lilac was one of them.”

“Sounds like you should get together and make a club,” Henry cried.

“Yeah…” I laughed, the nerves dispelling.

Should we introduce Jade?

“Oh,” I cried, “Guys, this is Jade.”

A chorus of ‘hi!’ serenaded Jade, who was leaning against the back wall in an over-tired daze. She waved back slightly.

“Is she, like, your personal assistant or something?” Shona asked.

“No, she’s my bodyguard,” I explained.

“Cool…”

I smiled. Maybe life at The Royal College wouldn’t be quite so bad…