Diary of a Reluctant Ruler

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“This is so cool!” Felix enthused, running ahead of us.

By us, meaning James and I.

“Felix watch out for the-!”

Ooo… that’s gotta hurt.

He was kinda asking for it.

“I’m all right!” Felix yelled, jumping back up after running into a tree.

“You sure, man?” James asked.

“A hundred and ten!” Felix cried back.

“A hundred and ten what?” James asked, at normal volume.

“Percent,” I replied.

“Ah,” James nodded.

“So, shooting, huh?” I asked, “Isn’t that a little bit dangerous?”

“Giving you a gun? Potentially,” James laughed, “But we will be on a shooting range, and you will be shooting at a target, and hopefully not people or animals.”

“Hmmm…” I mumbled.

“Shouldn’t have written it on your list if you didn’t want to do it,” James commented.

“What?!” I cried, “I don’t want to do everything on that list!”

“Really?” James asked.

“No! If I get a tattoo or die my hair, grandmother will kill me!”

“Point taken… but you could do it whilst she was away.”

“Nu-uh,” I replied, “She would find out.”

“Fair enough.”

We had reached the end of the path, and a field stretched out ahead of us, targets at a distance set with red and white circles. There was a small outbuilding to our left, which James proceeded to open with a key.

“Voila,” he said, showing us in.

“Cool!” Felix cried, spotting an old musket hanging on the wall opposite the door.

“Sadly, it’s just decorational,” James said.

He took it down and handed it to Felix, who immediately ran outside and began to shoot invisible enemies.

“Was that a sensible idea?” I asked.

“What? Oh, it hasn’t got shot or powder in it,” James replied.

“But isn’t it an antique?”

“Oh, yeah,” James smiled, “My mum’s part Russian; she’s got the whole casual attitude to heirloom’s thing going on, I guess she passed it on to me. There’s no sense in having old stuff if you can’t get something out of it.”

I nodded, seeing the sense.

“I doubt if your grandmother would take the same tact,” James commented.

“Hah, I’d like to see her try!” I laughed.

James began fishing around for actual guns. I gulped and took a couple of steps back. In a few seconds he had a reel of bullets and a shotgun; one of the long ones you see in the hands of suspicious-looking shop owners.

“Ready?” he asked.

“Maybe,” I replied.

James glanced around to see if Felix was watching, but he was still occupied with an imaginary invading force. Seeing this, he kissed me quickly on the lips and then led the way outside.

“Ok,” James said, once he’d set up, “I’ll load the bullets for now, all you need to do is pull the trigger.”

He showed me how to hold the gun, the position to take up, feet a good width apart, barrel pointing away, etc. Then he called Felix over, so I could actually shoot without hurting him.

“Don’t be frightened if it jumps in your hand,” he reminded, “Just let it move; don’t grip it too tight.”

I took a deep breath and tried to focus on the target.

This is exciting!

Don’t get trigger happy on me.

As foretold, the gun jumped a mile in my hands, which probably were gripping a bit too tight from nerves. A small hole appeared in the target, a few miles away from the centre.

Trigger-happy!!!!

Argh! *dives for cover*

“Woo!” Felix called from a few feet behind me.

I smiled and put the safety back on.

“Nice shot for a beginner,” James remarked, “Felix?”

I went and sat back on the outbuilding steps as Felix took a turn. We spent the rest of the day shooting, and I began to get a hang of the whole jumping thing; James called it recoil.

Jeff and Lily joined us for dinner that evening, in their dining room overlooking the front of the house. It was thankfully not spaghetti. I’d dreaded coming to their house and having to only eat pasta; it seemed to be James’s favourite dish. But perhaps not his mother’s.

“James, I’m not sure about bareback riding,” Jeff cautioned.

James had just broached the subject, as it was another item on my list.

“Come on, dad,” James argued, “We wouldn’t go any faster than a canter.”

“A canter!” Lily cried, “You’ll not go faster than a trot, young man!”

“Fine, a trot,” James corrected quickly.

“Hmmm…” Jeff frowned.

“We’re both competent riders,” James continued, “And it’s not as if Phil hasn’t fallen off a horse before.”

“Have you, dear?” Lily asked.

“Oh, loads of times,” I replied then added, “Well, not for a while, but yeah…”

Lily smiled kindly at my blunder.

“Well Jeff, love, if they don’t go any faster than a trot and they’re careful, I don’t see why they shouldn’t try it,” Lily said.

Jeff’s frown lightened at his wife’s words.

“I guess,” he replied after a moment’s thought.

“Can I try too?” Felix asked.

“In a few years, dear,” Lily smiled, then added, “We were thinking of taking you out sailing tomorrow, what do you say to that?”

“Sailing? Really?” Felix replied, “That sounds cool!”

In case you haven’t noticed, cool is Felix’s favourite word at the moment.

“Good,” Lily smiled, now passing slices of cake down the table, “We thought we’d take a picnic. Don’t want to leave you with this boring-old married couple.”

She motioned towards me and James.

I blushed bright red.

James only glowered down the table at his mother.

“Didn’t mean anything by it,” Lily smiled at him.