Diary of a Reluctant Ruler

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“Ready?” I asked, straightening James’s collar.

“I’m not gonna lie to you, I’m kinda nervous,” he replied.

“You’ll like Jenn, David and Iona,” I said, “I can’t speak for Henry, or Jacques.”

“Right,” James grinned.

I kissed him quickly, and then opened my car door and got out. Jade was already there, warding off the paparazzi who somehow knew exactly where we were again. A couple of college students were walking around laughing and pretending to be famous.

Je suis famous!

Er, yes…

“Hey Phil!” called Katriona, “This is so weird. Is it always like this when you go out?”

“It’s just since they got wind of James and I,” I replied.

Hehe, James and I.

I blinked as a flash went off to our left.

“I really want to give them something to talk about,” Katriona grinned, “Any gossip?”

“Nope,” I smiled.

“Don’t suppose you’d tell me anyway,” Katriona frowned, “The others are inside. You can tell by Jacques’ incessant whining.”

“Youch,” James said.

“That boy has some serious grovelling to do,” Katriona stated, before walking into the hall.

James raised his eyebrows at me, and I laughed.

“One of Iona’s triplets,” I explained, “She and Jacques had a bad break-up.”

“Ah,” he sighed, “Shall we?”

Iona smiled when she saw us, eyes immediately flicking to James. Introductions followed.

“James, this is Iona, Jenn, David, Henry, Jacques, oh, and Shona; Iona’s other triplet.”

“Awesome,” James grinned, “Pleased to meet you guys.”

I wondered whether James was cataloguing my friends in his head like I’d catalogued his last night. I looked over them for a moment, and tried to define them as simply as possible. Iona- pale, Jenn- mouse, David- geek sheik, Henry- Weasley-twins-in-one, Jacques- plainly French, Shona- pale. I wondered how he’d sort Iona and Shona out.

“Phil, he’s gorgeous,” Iona whispered in my ear as we took our seats.

“And completely mine,” I whispered back contentedly.

“I’ll keep Katriona away from him,” she said.

“I’d appreciate it!” I laughed quietly.

Carols were sung, some hilariously out-of-tune. Halfway through the interval I caught Henry joking to James, and overheard a more serious snippet of ‘you hurt her, man, and I’ll ram up a crown up your-’

Ooo, that don’t sound pleasant…

At this point he did a particular gesture, which I’m sure I need not describe… I tried not to laugh when they came back over. Sadly, the choice of venue for our dinner had been left to Henry, so we ended up in a tiny, greasy-spoon café off the high street.

Where does the phrase ‘greasy-spoon café’ come from?

The greasy spoons?

Touché.

The menu was in classic hamburger-bar style, so we all ordered milkshakes and chips. Or ‘fries’ as it said on the menu. Then the questioning began; I guess university guys weren’t as interested in grilling their friends’ bf/gf as college kids were.

“How’d you guys get together anyway?” David asked after a while.

“Er, long story,” James replied.

“I guess when you’re staying in the same palace, it’s easier to see each other,” Jenn laughed.

“You could say that,” I said.

“It kinda all started with the paparazzi,” James replied, “That time on the beach, when they caught us together and thought we were going out?”

“I guess that kind of was our first ‘date’!” I laughed.

“And the whole Philippe-vs-you thing in the newspapers? Those were just rumours right?” Jenn asked.

“Yes,” James nodded.

“Not true! You were so competitive with him when you guys raced! And then you got majorly jealous when we all went down to the beach together,” I cried, nudging him.

The girls laughed as James glowered back at me.

“Ok, so maybe I got a little jealous, but all things said and done, I think I had a right too,” James replied, “The guy was rather obnoxious.”

“Oh! Don’t be mean,” I said, “Philippe was very nice. Far politer than you.”

James snorted.

The arrival of the food interrupted our argume- our debate.

Was she about to say argument?!

Ooo… relationship tension.