Diary of a Reluctant Ruler

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I gave into temptation. Only an hour after I left James’ behind in a broom cupboard I broke the oath I’d made in my head. If he was gonna read my half, then dammit, I was gonna read his half. The idiotic editors had put my half on a pink background, his on blue. I hated pink. It immediately put me in a bad mood.

How are you? Yeah, pretty good.

You were with Meredith for four months, and you’ve only known her six months, so the majority of your time together has been spent as partners, not as friends. Are you guys still in that awkward phase?It depends. She can freak out sometimes, but she’s still kinda young, you know?

I was actually going to kill him.

What’s the age difference between you guys? She’s three years younger than me.

Three? When was his birthday?! His birthday went by and he never told me?!?! I was dating a TWENTY-YEAR-OLD?!?!

Do you guys talk much? We did for a while, but then we’ve just grown apart.

Have you met anyone since the split? I haven’t met anyone new.

He hasn’t met anyone new? Does that mean he’d already met somebody?! No, that's silly... He probably meant Violet, or someone… stupid freaking pretty girl…

Are you seeing anyone else? Nope. Single.

Is Meredith? Don’t think so.

Is he doubting my seeing-other-people abilities?

You’ve said before that the break-up was because of a conflict of interests. Do you mean you didn’t want to be King? I don’t think we’d seriously addressed where our relationship was going which was beginning to emerge through the press and our own decisions.

Stupid clever idiot answers.

He’s a banana-head.

You said it sister.

You don’t think it’s old-fashioned that Meredith is expected to be married before taking the throne? Very. I think the country needs to readdress its principles.

Would you still be with Meredith if marriage wasn’t on the table? You never know. But you can’t play out your life in ‘what if’s.

Are you still in love with Meredith? I certainly still hold her in high regard. She’s a great person.

And how about her, do you think she still has feelings for you? Pass.

Quickfire! Name your favourite:
Colour? Blue.
Time of year? Spring.
Food? Pizza.
Instrument? Piano.
Person? Don’t really have one.

Having interviewed both parties, the Herald concludes that Mr Jacinthe is a little better at controlling his tongue than Princess Meredith.

That’s just mean.

After that bombshell of an interview, you can imagine dinner was a little awkward. Both of us completely ignored the other, which meant talking to somebody else constantly. The Ambassador from Lorainya got an earful, I can tell you. We left dinner without speaking, and we didn’t speak again for the next three weeks. A stalemate emerged after a while. I didn’t talk to him, he didn’t talk to me. Simple as that.

Yes, my insides burnt whenever he was in the room. Yes, my heartbeat still trebled if I saw him. Yes, I always knew where he was if he was in the vicinity. I knew I was still in love with him, but I hated myself for it. So I went to bed and tossed and turned until about three o’clock, when I knocked myself silly by hitting my head off the headboard amongst my tossings.

I woke up the next morning to a shouting mother coming up the corridor.

“Meredith! Oh lord, what is wrong with you girl!” Mum burst into my room, waving one, no several, newspapers in my face.

Wow, major déjà vu…

“What?” I asked, groggily sitting up. She was wielding a copy of the Herald like a rapier, a Daily Mail, with the notorious ‘by Jonathon Tilley’ and another with an obscure title which proclaimed Meredith Conducts Illicit Activities In Broom Cupboard.

Illicit activities?!?!

Sounds fun…

Grandmother appeared behind my panicking mother, a look of tired frustration on her face. It was a dangerous look. She also pushed a paper in front of my face, this one proclaiming Princess and Former Flame Caught Together in Broom Closet! Is it Really Over?

“First you go and slur the poor boy in that interview, and then you go and kiss him in broom cupboards?!” Mum cried, waving a tourist-taken picture of me exiting the cupboard ahead of James, looking flustered.

“I did not kiss him!” I replied, indignant, “I only went in to hide from tourists, and then I thought they’d left-”

“You’ve been completely careless recently!” Mum cut in, her voice augmenting several octaves, “If you want to take the throne you need to consider your actions!”

“I do consider my actions!” I cried, “I’m just plagued with the most awful bad luck!”

“Bad luck!” Mum laughed, “How can you-”

“All right Eleanor, Meredith, calm down,” Grandma said, sweeping into the argument with a breezy air, “Sit.”

She motioned for my mother to sit down on the bed. She sat, looking more like a sulking older sister than my mother.

“There’s no use arguing, we must find a dignified way out,” Grandma began, “The papers have naturally latched onto Meredith as an easy title-maker because she’s still in the after-effects of her and James’ relationship. Therefore, our natural countermove is to calm those seas…”

Where’s this leading?

“…The easiest way to do this is to have Meredith form a new attachment. It’s long enough since she and James broke up that it won’t count as being a rebound, and it’ll quell rumours that she isn’t fit to take the throne…”

New attachment?

Me, rebound?

Not fit to take the throne?

“…Therefore, I suggest that she find a new partner. One that she can form an easy attachment with. One who won’t mind these rumours that are circulating…”

“Yes?” Mum asked.

Don’t say what I think you’re about to say.

“Meredith, have you ever seen The Princess Diaries 2?” Grandma asked.

“Yes,” I replied, gulping.

“I’m not suggesting arranged marriage,” Grandma assured me.

Thank god.

You never know, might turn out to be Prince Charming.

You ain’t exactly Cinderella.

“What I am suggesting is arranged dating,” Grandma said.

*fingers crossed* Prince Caspian, Prince Caspian, Prince Caspian!

Hate to burst your bubble, but he’s fictional.

Nooooo!

“What do you think?” Mum asked, looking around at me, where my shell shocked body lay rather paralysed against the headboard. My stomach seemed to have taken a trip to Disney Land.

“Yeah,” I managed to choke out, “Sounds like a great idea.”

“Your mother and I will get to work immediately. We’ll have to catalogue every eligible bachelor from Adria, Lorainya, every high profile bachelor from Europe…”

My relatives disappeared down the corridor, their heads turned towards each other in a conspiring manner. My stomach hadn’t stopped its rollercoaster ride and my heart seemed to have begun serenading it with a jig. This was even worse than having to meet eligible bachelors at balls… this was practically an auction to the highest bidder. And it was casual.