Shadows of the World

Star-Crossed Lovers.

Carson had grudginly given in to Nana and the next morning, we admitted James to the hospital. They were testing for pneumonia and tuberculosis, but we all knew James didn't have any of that. Carson tried his best to keep his own coughing and fever to a total minimum, but it was obvious he was getting worse at the same rate that James was. Nana wanted to admit Carson too, but he refused. By now, I'd explained to them all about my dream the night before and although they were hesitant to believe me, I eventually got them to believe me. Frankly, with what James was and Nana and all that, it didn't take too long to make them believe.

I called my mom as soon as I was able to and told her I was out with Helena. I'd used her house as an exuse the night before, and I was getting sick of lying. I knew I needed to tell my parents about Carson, but I was still hesitant. It wasn't about Carson's background or lack of trust fund, it was the fact that he was a boy and I didn't know how my parents would react to me dating. My mom was all gung ho about Ant, but I was pretty sure it was because she knew him. She didn't know Carson, at all. And it would take her awhile to realize that he was perfect.

That was, if he was still living in awhile. If I was living in awhile.

We stayed all day at the hospital while they did various tests on James, trying to figure out what the heck was wrong with him. For the most part they kept him mostly sedated, but there were times when he was conscious and we would talk about life the world. James and Carson were smarter than I ever would hope to be, and I wondered if that was a general trait in people...like them. Ant was brilliant, so maybe it was. I felt completley inferior when they would diverge into conversations that I had no idea what they were about.

Nana knitted mostly, making a sweater. It was dark green and it was for James, who Nana now felt responsible for. She'd admitted James under the pretension that she was his great aunt and only living relative. This was a lie, though, James said he had a cousin living somewhere down south, and if it was absolutley necessary, he could call her. Nana didn't think this was necessary, and until the hospital found out that she wasn't really related to him, hopefully nothing would happen.

We were urged to leave at around ten, and when Carson volunteered to come over bright and early the next day, Nana totally forbade it. She wouldn't allow Carson or me to miss school, so she drove us home and Carson drove me home.

It was a little like pulling off a band-aid. Carson cut the engine in front of my house and I told him to come inside. He stared at me for a few moments. "Are you sure?" he said, and even though I wasn't sure, I nodded anyway. If my parents didn't like him, then they were crazy. Carson got out of the car and we walked those long steps up to the house. I wouldn't tell them he was my boyfriend at first. They would be suspicious and wonder where'd I'd been all those nights I was with "Helena". They'd get angry at me for not telling and they'd refuse to let me see Carson ever again.

So I looked at my boyfriend. "Um, I'm just going to tell them you're a new friend...when you go I'll tell my mom that I really like you and uh...in a week I'll tell them you're my boyfriend," I explained. Carson cracked a smile. "Just cause they might get suspicious...you know with me being gone a lot lately, they might think you know, I was with you," I said.

"You were with me," he answered.

I glared at him. "Yeah, but they don't need or want to know that right now. Just let me do this my way, okay?" I asked. Carson shrugged and I knew I'd won. I took my keys out of my pocket and opened the door. "Mom?" I called.

"In here!" my mom answered from the living room. Carson and I walked slowly into it, and even though I wanted to hold his hand, I stopped myself from even touching him. If I did, my mom would know something was up. Even though she hadn't been too strict on where I was lately, she wasn't stupid. And I didn't want to break her trust. I needed to, you know, ease myself into it.

My parents were in the living room, watching a movie. When Carson and I walked in, my mom paused the movie and looked at me and the tall, unknown boy standing next to me. I smiled nervously. "Um, guys, this is my friend Carson. He was the one who was calling me, awhile ago, you know? The one with the homework problem? He was hanging out with me and Helena and he offered to drive me home."

They stared at him for a few moments and I held my breath. Would they approve? He wasn't dressed like Ant or any of that crowd, not at all. Standing together, we looked so different from each other. Me and my neat and clean clothes and my perfect hair that had taken ages to do right. He looked more than a little disheveled. His hair was getting long, and was messy. Once I started really looking at Carson, at who he was as a person, I'd stopped looking at him the way my parents might or my friends might. All Carson had now were his good looks and nice personality, and I just hoped that would cut it with my parents.

My mom spoke first. "Well thank you for driving Clio home...were you with her and Helena the entire day?" she questioned.

I hoped Carson wouldn't be awkward or nervous, but he was a smooth liar. I had no idea if this was a good thing, but I was pretty sure he'd never lied to me. "Nope, I met up with them in the afternoon. I had to finish my homework this morning," he said. It wasn't a total lie, he had done his homework this morning. I'd even seen James actually looking a little forlorn at Carson's notebook, as if he missed homework. Then again, I really wouldn't have been surprise. Homework meant mundane life, something that James wasn't leading righ tnow.

"Ah, good to hear. There are too many slackers these days," my dad interjected and I cringed. What a dad thing to say.

I looked at Carson and flashed a smile. "Um well, okay, so thanks for giving me a ride home." He nodded.

"See you tomorrow at school," he answered and turned to leave. I felt guilty. I should have just told my parents that he was my boyfriend and nothing was going to change that. And I tried to tell myself it wasn't because he wasn't like Ant. But that was a lie. I was still, so annoyingly, afraid of my parents. The people at school had nothing on them. Because the people at school might bully me and make fun of me and ridicule me for being with Carson, but they could never take him away from me. And I knew that if things didn't go perfectly, my parents would take away Carson. The only thing that I had right now that made me so totally and completley happy.

I watched him walk out of my living room and I looked at my parents. "Oh shoot, I have no idea what the math homework is tomorrow...I have to ask Carson." Without letting them say anything to answer, I set off after Carson.

He was halfway down the path out my house by the time I caught up with him. Clutching onto him, I turned around him to kiss him. "I love you, okay? I love you," I told him frantically. Pulling away, Carson looked at me with worried eyes.

"Are you all right?" he asked.

I nodded. "I just didn't know if you hated me or something. Because I couldn't tell my parents." Instead of saying, yes, I am mad and I never want to talk to you again, Carson only laughed. "What? What?" I questioned, feeling stupid.

"We're just like...Romeo and Juliet or something." I stared at him. "Star-crossed lovers. Parents don't want us to be together. Fated to die at the end of the story."

My eyes welled up at that one. "You're not going without me," I told him. "If we're Romeo and Juliet, and you're Romeo..." I swallowed. "I have to be Juliet." Carson looked pained, and I knew he knew what I was refering to. The fact that after Romeo was dead...Juliet went right along with him.

"If anything happens to me, you're going to live a long, full life full of happiness and laughter. And you'll forget about me," he said.

I shook my head. "No I won't."

We stared at each other before Carson kissed me again. He didn't say anything, just entwined our fingers together. I remembered the dream where he'd come to me and he'd spoke to me, he'd explained everything. At the end, he'd hugged me and entwined our fingers together. I felt a deeper connection this time. Our hearts were connected as well as our hands. All I had to live for, at this very moment, was that connection. And in the future, I knew I'd have more to live for, if we made it through all of this. But right now, this was it. When we parted, Carson looked at me long and hard before turning away.

I went into my house, got dressed in my pajamas, laid down on my bed, closed my eyes and had a dreamless sleep.

The next day, it was gray and looked like it might rain. When Carson and I met up in the parking lot, as we usually did, we said nothing further about last night. Our hands touched, but not the way they did the night before. Carson asked me if I'd had any more messages, and I said no. Which was when he told me that he'd finally been visited by the lady in blue. The first time since we'd met. I looked at him, surprised. "She gave me someone to make a dream for. She told me a name and said I had to feel him for awhile and make him dreams. When I tried to ask what was going on, it was like she either didn't hear me, or I didn't speak it. I'm not sure. Dreams, even dreams as clear as the ones with the lady in blue in them are so mysterious sometimes."

"So are you going to make the dream?" I asked.

Carson laughed. "Why not? If I don't, it'll be disobeying the rules and she'll have just another reason to kill me. I better just do as she says until the very end. Just to show her that I really did listen, that I really did understand."

I looked at my boyfriend, who looked happy, but I could see that his eyes were a little anxious. He was putting up a front again, I could feel it. "You didn't do anything wrong, I'm sure of it." He looked down at me. "I truly believe that the reason you and James are being persecuted is because you didn't get killed when they killed your parents. You know? Because they had to hush up the fact that someone actually disagreed with what they were doing. What they are doing. Controlling you."

"She's controlling you too, you know."

I sighed. "Yeah. I know. But at least she can't control what I do. She's begging me to keep you from dying, but I refuse. I won't let your stars fade, and I know she's mad, but I don't care."

"It's not you I'm worried about...I know you can handle it." I looked at at Carson at that one. "What about your parents? What if they do what they did to me and James to your parents?" he asked. I felt myself shiver and licked my lips, which were suddenly dry.

"They wouldn't do that." And at that moment, the bell rang and it was time for us to go our separate ways to our separate classes. Carson kissed me chastely, and squeezed my hand.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I didn't mean to scare you." He kissed me again and walked away. And I realized then that even though I tried so hard to understand Carson completley, I knew I never would. Sometimes he was hard and cold, and other times he was quiet, soft and warm. I never knew which side of him was going to be with me at any point in time. I supposed that was love, though, you never really knew what was going to happen next. Maybe that was made it so interesting, so good, so...ah, I didn't know. I watched Carson walk to his class and then turned to go to mine. Science. My least favorite class. Even worse, it was Biology and we were disecting sharks so the entire lab smelled like formaldehyde and sea water. I had to do it, though.

I walked in to the class and realized we had a substitute teacher. Maybe we wouldn't be disecting sharks today, after all. Helena and Matilda sat at our table and I went to join them. "Sub today!" Matilda exclaimed. "I so hope we don't have to disect today. The sharks are so gross," she said. Helena and I nodded our heads in agreement and I sat down with my friends. The sub turned from what he was doing and smiled at the class just as the bell rung. And my whole body froze.

He was saying something, but I didn't hear. His face...his eyes, nose and mouth...it was all the face of the Lady in Blue. I didn't know how, and I didn't know why, but our substitute, this man, this older man, had the face of the woman who had been haunting my dreams for the past few weeks.
♠ ♠ ♠
I know this is totally terrible.
Please forgive me.