Shadows of the World

Everything changed very quickly after that. I told Carson immedietley about the substitute teacher, Mr. Morrison, and because Carson had that class a different period, he was able to see first hand how scary the resemblance between the Lady in Blue and Mr. Morrison was. It didn't matter much anyway, though, because Carson was getting sicker and sicker by day. He still dragged himself to school, but it was harder for him to go everyday. I started driving him to and from school because he'd almost gotten into an accident. It had been a week since Mr. Morrison had come and Carson's illness started to pick up speed, and I felt like the two events were connected. It was getting harder and harder to feel Carson's and James's stars everyday, but I clutched onto any thread of light I could find.

I'd also told my parents that Carson and I were together. They were surprisingly calm about it. Maybe it had to do with the fact that I'd explained that Carson was an orphan, living with his grandmother, but he'd gone to school with Ant when he was younger. As long as Carson had money and he was smart enough, he was good enough for my parents. I guess I shouldn't have been so worried, my parents were the same, they never changed. I still felt a little sorry for them, but there was nothing I could do.

It was weird the first day that Carson didn't come to school. More than that, it was scary. I didn't want to go through school with Mr. Morrison there, knowing that Carson wasn't by my side. But I couldn't be scared like that, because Carson was home, sick, and would pretty soon be going to the hospital to join James, who wasn't doing any better. I wished I'd had some more control over what I could do, my so-called power, but nothing I did seemed to ever work.

Helena knew something was up, but I didn't disclose many details. I told her Carson had caught whatever it was that James had and that he was very sick. Helena was worried I might get it, too, and I tried to assure her that there was nothing to worry about. I knew she wasn't convinced, because that very day she said she wanted us to hang out, and possibly with Ant too. If I didn't know any better, I might think that Ant and Helena had a thing for each other. But I also kind of wondered if Helena wasn't still hung up on her ex, Ant's best friend.

I met Helena at her house and she drove to go pick up Ant. We were going to go to the mall, for what Helena said was "Operation Distraction." I knew that nothing would ever distract me from wanting to go spend every waking minute next to Carson to make sure he was okay, but I also knew that Carson would not want me to hang around him every waking minute. He'd feel guilty that he was taking me away from a normal life, more than he already had.

"So has Carson seen a doctor yet? Or what do they think James has?" she asked me as we were driving.

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. "They're not sure. He has many of the symptoms of pneumonia or tuberculosis. But no one really knows." I obviously couldn't tell her that it was neither, it was some elder council using their dark powers or something to kill off James and Carson, to finish what they had started with their families. All because they didn't agree with the stupid rules. I just hoped that because I was the way I was, I wouldn't have to start following orders. I never would.

Helena looked pained. "That sucks. Cause I mean if they can diagnose something, it makes the rest just so much easier," she answered. I nodded and sighed. They wouldn't be able to diagnose anything. They'd just scratch their heads stupidly while Carson and James died around them. Doctors could do nothing but keep them comfortable. Their fate, our fates rested on my shoulders. "Hey...Clio?" said Helena quietly. I looked at my best friend who looked a little guilty. "I don't know how to tell you this but uh, I think me and Ant are sort of dating."

I laughed, which I knew she wasn't expecting. "Sort of dating? How do you sort of date?" I asked her. She shrugged. "Well if you're asking me if I care, I don't. Really. I am totally one hundred percent in love with my boyfriend." It was silent after that. I knew what we were both thinking then. Yeah but what if your boyfriend dies? That was a question I just didn't want to answer. Not now. Not ever. We drove up to Ant's house, which was somehow bigger than I remembered. He came out quickly with a wave and got into the back seat.

As much as I hated to admit it, I did want to see Ant again. I wanted to talk to him about Carson and James and the dreams I had. I didn't know if there was anything I could do, but it was nice to know someone who was different and who wasn't dying.

Turning around, I looked strongly at Ant, hoping he'd get the message that I needed to talk to him. He did, because he nodded just a little bit. I turned back, now trying to think about how we'd get rid of Helena, just for a bit.

It wasn't as hard as I thought. When we got to the mall, there was a store that Helena wanted to go in but Ant and I weren't that interested. We decided we sit down on the bench directly outside of the store and wait for her there. That was when I turned to Ant. "You know how you were telling me that story your mom used to tell you about the stars, and how they were peoples' souls?" I questioned. Ant nodded with a bit of confusion. I took a deep breath. "This might be hard to believe, but it's not a story. They are the souls of everyone, and I can feel them. The Lady in Blue came to my dream and told me that I keep the souls, or the stars, whatever." Ant looked a little apprehensive, and he was about to say something when I cut him off. "I know it sounds crazy, but I swear it's true."

He smiled then. "Yeah well, with everything that my life has been, if I didn't believe you, I guess I'd be the crazy one," he answered. I felt myself sigh a sigh of relief. Everytime I told anyone that story, it made me feel nervous. "Listen, I meant to tell you that I've been having some more dreams with the Lady in Blue. Something is really wrong with her. I feel like she's actually really sick. And after that dream I had with you in it, well I just feel really worried about you and her. She's our leader, and she's really...important to everyone."

I cringed. "Yeah, well, she's killing my boyfriend and his best friend."

Ant frowned. "Clio, you have to let them go. You haven't been a part of this world for very long, so you don't know what it's like. People depend on the Lady in Blue. Not just me, but a lot of people. They're used to the lives their leading, they like the rules. I like the rules. I don't want anarchy in people like us. Have you thought about what would happen if there was no one to tell us what to do? People would start telling other people what they could do. The government would get their hands on us, they'd treat us like animals, expirament on us...I really don't want that to happen, Clio."

Turning my head, I hestitated. I hated admitting he was right. "But why do Carson and James have to die?" I asked, all of a sudden feeling a block in my throat. "I mean, I know their parents opposed to the elders, but I mean, I really doubt they would have ever let the secret slip...and Carson and James haven't done anything wrong. Why them?"

I heard a sigh beside me and I saw Ant looked a little confused. "I don't know. I'm sorry." It was silent again. "I know...you probably don't want to think about this," Ant started and I looked at him. "But what if...what if Carson and James really did do something, something bad, and they haven't told you? What if they're doing something to the Lady in Blue? What if they're trying to get back at her, for killing their parents? It's a perfectly logical explination. I know you don't want to think about your boyfriend doing something like, and I promise I'm not saying this to hurt you. But she's dying, and she says that unless you don't let them die, she'll die."

My entire body felt cold. All I could think about the times when the Lady in Blue had looked so sick and strange. What if Ant was right? That Carson and James were somehow doing something to her, the Lady in Blue, somehow killing her for revenge? Ant was right, so many people depended on her. But what about Mr. Morrison? Where did he fit in, if he fit in at all? I leaned my body down onto my knees. "This is all so messed up. I wish everything would just make sense," I told Ant.

There was a hand on my back and I looked up to see Ant looking at me softly. "I think it's up to you to figure it out."

"Thanks, Confucius." I got a little laugh out of Ant at that one. I leaned back up. "Hey, what do you think about this? There's a substitute teacher at school who has the same exact face as the Lady in Blue. It's a guy, too. It's very, very weird."

Ant looked very surprised at that one. "Seriously? That's...weird," he told me.

"Tell me about it. It just makes everything like, ten times more confusing. All I want to do is go up to him and ask him who he is...who he really is, and why he looks like an old woman who has been haunting my dreams. Of course, that would probably end up in me sounding absolutley crazy."

I looked to my left at Ant, who looked thoughtful. "Is there any way I could come and shadow you for a day? What class do you have with this sub?" he questioned.

"Bio," I answered. Ant smiled.

"Yeah. I'll ask my mom if I can shadow you." At that moment, we saw Helena up near the register, which was by the door to get back out to the mall. She smiled and waved at us, and we smiled and waved back. I looked carefully at Ant.

"Are you and Helena dating?" I asked bluntly. Ant blushed. Like really, really hard. I laughed then. "Okay, okay, nevermind, don't answer that one, I already know the answer." We sat watching her tap her foot impatiently, her credit card out, clothes in hand. I took a deep breath. "Are you going to tell her about...you know?" I asked.

Ant shrugged. "If it gets serious, I'll request permission to tell Helena. We have to make our own judgements on who we think is trustworthy, but if whoever we want to tell doesn't pass the inspection of the Lady in Blue, she won't allow us to tell. It's...well it's the rule that everyone hates the most. There have many people who have planned to marry others, but because the Lady in Blue doesn't think they are trustworthy, or she doesn't like them, or whatever, she won't let the person tell their partner about what they are. Some people try to stay with the ones they love, they try to hide it. But it'd be just too difficult to live with someone who was trying to hide that big of a secret. Eventually, everyone separates..."

I swallowed. That sounded like a terrible rule. And suddenly, I felt like maybe Carson and James's parents were right about opposing the Lady in Blue, the elders, whatever. It sounded like a really terrible life to lead. But what if Carson and I broke up and I found someone new? What if I had to ask the Lady in Blue's permission and she told me I couldn't tell them? And then, I was reminded of something else..."Ant...the Lady in Blue didn't give Carson permission to tell me. Carson had a different dream, another dream...the Lady in Blue wasn't in it at all. He was just dreaming that he was telling me what he was."

Ant was silent, and was about to answer the question when Helena emerged. Ant shrugged. "I'm not sure what to think about that," he said instead, sounding vague. Helena smiled.

"Not sure what to think about what?" she asked. Ant smiled.

"Not sure what to think about Clio's idea about what to get you for a birthday present," he answered, lieing smoothly.

Helena laughed. "Yeah, except that my birthday isn't for four more months," she replied. I laughed softly and we continued through the mall, looking in shops, chatting, just hanging out. I realized that it was nice just to be a normal kid for a few hours. It was nice to not worry about anyone for just a little. Carson and James were never too far from my mind, but I didn't let the thoughts of their impending doom infiltrate my brain too much. Besides, I had other things to think about. Carson's dream...who was it telling him to tell me? Who was it telling James to leave wherever he was? Who had given me those dreams about Carson and James? It wasn't the Lady in Blue, and I doubted it was the elders. Who then? Who could be helping them out? Who could have lead me to Carson the exact moment they were leading James to Carson and Carson to both of us? Somebody had been helping us, and I wanted to know who. I doubted that I'd ever really know, though.

Helena and Ant eventually started to hold hands, and Helena looked at me curiously. I winked and smiled, and she grinned. While I'd been busy with my own life, they'd gotten together. I knew I should have been sad about that, and maybe I was, a little. But it was nice that they had each other. And I wanted, wanted so badly, for the Lady in Blue to let Ant tell Helena about what he could do. I really wanted them to be serious. And I wanted Helena to know about Ant...and me. I wanted to tell Helena so badly about me.

We were in the mall for a few hours and I'd bought some new clothes that weren't exactly my normal style, but Helena and Ant liked them. I knew it was Carson who was influencing me to become different, because he was so different. It was nice. But after awhile, I noticed that Helena had started to look behind her every so often. She would look back and then look forward with a worried face. After about a half an hour of doing that, I looked at my best friend. "Are you okay?" I asked.

She nodded. "I just...think there's someone following us." At that, I attempted to look behind me. "Don't look!" Helena exclaimed. I noticed that Ant had also attempted to look, but had been stopped by his new girlfriend. "I don't know. Maybe I'm going crazy. She's just been in all the same stores as we have, but she hasn't bought anything. She's just been following us around, I don't know, it's just creepy."

"Well, lets go in here and see if she follows," Ant suggested, and we went into a dark store that had a lot of stupid teeshirts and gag gifts. Helena watched the entrance a little and sucked in a breath.

"Yeah, she followed," she said. I finally turned just a bit to see who our follower was. What I saw made me more scared than I'd ever felt.

The woman who was following us...she didn't have the same face as the Lady in Blue, but she had the exact same body, right down to the long and curly fiery red hair. She was the Lady in Blue without the face, and that face belonged to Mr. Morrison. I looked at Ant, who was looking surprised and a little scared. Helena turned back to the teeshirts and didn't see the look that passed between me and Ant. Something was going on. Something was strange. I didn't know what it was, but there was something going on. And I knew everything depended on me finding out what it was.