There Goes My Hero

Being treated like your breakable is not fun. It was almost like being pregnant for a second time. I was forced to bed rest even though the doctor couldn't explain what happened and said I would probably be fine. Matt however decided he knew best. Over protective fool. So here I was stuck watching Dexter’s laboratory.

"Matt." I yelled thumping the black duvet cover.

There were thuds and then he poked his head through the door frame.

"Yes babe?" He smiled

"Can I please get out of bed it is now November 16th." I whined

"Drey, come on I don't want you getting hurt." He shook his head sighing

"Matt it has been nearly 16 days. If something was going to happen it would have happened by now. Please, I want to go out and go see the girls. I want to go to a club something! Anything please." I begged pouting.

"Fine but don't say I didn't warn you" He caved laying down beside me on the bed.

"By the way I never did answer your question." I smirked

"What .. Oh that question, hold on." He pulled him self into a sitting possion and pulled out the red box

"So what do you say?" he asked

"Well I don't know, but I guess I would, if your up for it." I sighed

"What, I mean ..." He stuttered

"Babe shut up. Course I'll marry you. There shouldn't have ever been any doubt." I laughed as I threw my legs over the side of the bed and stood up.

I pulled my bright blue uggs on and walked over to him.

"So this ring." I chuckled.

He slid the ring onto my finger and smiled.

"Perfect. If you don't like it we can go and get it changed."

I shut him up by placing my lips on his. I pulled away and grinned. I pulled him down to the kitchen. I turned on the C.D player and went and got myself a bowl of cereal.

"I'll pick up Peyton today. I wanna go round and see Kim and Gary after. You don't mind if I tell them?" I spoke shovelling the cereal into my mouth the milk dribbling down my chin.

“No problem I’m gonna go see the guys anyway see if we can go out to a club tonight if you still want” He wiped the milk from my chin.

“Okay” I muttered swallowing the mouthful and shoving the second mouthful in.

I set the bowl in the sink and ran up stairs getting into a hot shower. As soon as I was clean and my hair was washed I stepped out. I dried myself off and pulled on a vengeance university shirts and old jeans. I threw my pack of Marlboro reds and a lighter into my bag, dried my hair pulling a hat over my head and made my way back down stairs. I pulled on my shoes that were by the door and lifted my keys and phone. “Babe I’m gonna pick her up now it’s three” I shouted as I left. I received a grunt in response so I shut the door and sped off. As I waited on Peyton to come out I turned on the radio and let the newest rock tunes drift through my car quietly. The door was opened and slammed shut again.

“Hey momma. How come your pickin’ me up?” The small girl questioned she was so much wiser than her five years.

“No reason baby doll, We’re gonna drop by grandma’s and Grandpaw‘s.” I smiled

“Really? I haven’t seen them in ages” she squealed turning on a C.D that had been lying around.

“Baby doll it’s been three days since you seen them” I rolled my eyes at how easily amused she was.

“Yeah but three days is ages momma.”

I shook my head and continued driving down the road and into the all too familiar driveway. I knocked on the door and waited on the come in from inside. As soon as those words came from a voice inside Peyton burst through the door and into Kim’s arms.

“Hey Kim. Is Gary here with you?” I waved coming behind my crazy daughter

“Yeah. GARY! Sweetie is there something wrong?” she asked concerned laced into her words.

“No it’s good news I promise. Not like the last good news we brought home but it’s good news all the same.” I laughed looking at Peyton.

“Peyton sweets why don’t you go like a good girl and play on the swings out back.” She smiled

I heard thumping foot steps near the living room and Peyton scattered like leaves off a tree. The door swung open and it revealed a very smiley Gary.

“Gary dear, Drey has some news for us” Her voice cracked

“Your not …” His voice drifted off and his eyes wandered to my small stomach.

“No I’m not, but I am getting married to your son.” I said seriously producing my ring decorated left hand

“Oh sweetie that’s wonderful news.” I was then swamped with questions.

How did your parents take it?
Have you set a date?
Have you seen a dress?
Who are your bridesmaids?

I just smiled and tried to answer all the questions I could without leading Kim to ask more. Gary just gave me a hug and told me it was about time Matt grew a pair.

“You guys are probably going to want to go out spend some time on your own. So let me take Peyton for the night. You can pick her up tomorrow then I want to take you dress shopping?” It seemed like a question.

“Umm sure. She doesn’t have any clean clothes or p.j’s.” I sighed

“Audrey Louise Seward go home and tell Matthew to take you out. I can sort Peyton out with clean clothes and things.” she snapped

“Okay I’m going.” I sighed picking up my keys and giving her and Gary a hug goodbye.

I got back into the car and drove to a house I hadn’t seen in five long years. I parked in the drive way beside a small blue ford car. I took a deep breath and got out of the car. Each step toward the front door seemed to take me forever to make. I knocked on the wooden door. There were shuffles heard and suddenly he answered the door.

“Hi dad, I think we need talk. You, me and mom.” I sighed

Why was I putting myself through this? Why was I even telling them after all this time?

“Come in then.” He smiled and stepped aside.

It was rather creepy to see him smile.

“Cass, she’s here.” He called and I followed him into the small living room.

“Why are you here?” my ‘mom’ muttered

“I’m here because I think this has gone on long enough and well I have some news, you’re my parents and you need to know.” I choked

“So you’ve gone and done it again then. Gone and messed up your life one more time huh?” she screeched.

“Cass hear her out please.” my dad pleaded sitting on the black leather sofa that was obviously new.

“Dad it’s fine, Peyton was the best thing that ever happened me mom. I wouldn’t change a single thing about my life. Being a mother is something I love. Getting up every day and having someone need you. They need you to give them a hug, take them to school, listen to what happened today and fight their corner. That is the best feeling ever. That’s not why I came tho. I came to tell you, I’m getting married. To Matt. He proposed on the 31st of October and I said yes.” I smiled

“Sweetie that’s amazing!” my dad laughed hugging me so tight.

My mom looked at the floor.

“Your not gonna say anything are you?” I asked her

“What can I say?” she sighed

“Say congratulations, I’m proud of you. I’m sorry, are you sure? ANYTHING!” I screamed

“Calm down.” My dad soothed

“How can I calm down. Five years ago she told me se wished she never had me. I come over hoping to put things right and she can’t say one damn word.” I sobbed she got up off the sofa and stormed out slamming the door behind her.

“Audrey I never meant to hurt you like this I just didn’t want to see you mess your life up and then you come around here to put things right and it should be us doing that. Your so happy and I’m so proud of you. You know what your mother is like. I should have never walked away that day in the hospital you were more important than what she thought. If I can would you give me a second chance at being a dad and possibly a grandfather?” he was tearing up.

“Daddy I would love that.” I smiled and hugged him.

“Do you want some coffee?” He muttered into my head

“I can’t but how about tomorrow if you want I can bring Peyton over?” I sighed pulling out of the hug.

“How about I get your number and I’ll call and see what time I can come over I don’t want to aggravate her.” he smiled thrusting his head in the direction Cassandra had taken off in.

“Okay. That sounds good. I’ll see you soon dad.” I hugged him one last time, wrote down my number quickly and went back to my car. I backed out of the drive carefully. I drove to our house to find four other cars in our drive. I hopped out and skipped inside.

“Heya babe I’m home” I shouted into the hall. I then felt the wooden floor beneath me.

“Oh my gosh we have so much work to do it’s like five. We are going out to a club and we only have 2 hours to get you ready.” Gena squealed.

I was then pulled up and dragged upstairs.

“Wait can I not get myself ready?” I asked raising one eyebrow in confusion

“Jeans and a t-shirt is not suitable this time hunny.” Lauren smirked

“I don’t wanna get all dressed up though.” I whined stomping my foot.

“It’s not Halloween tonight Hun. Come on in there. Gena your on hair, Lacey your on clothes. So that leaves me to do you make up” She skipped into the room dragging me with her.

I was pushed into a chair. Clothes were thrown on the bed and I was attacked by striaghteners and foundation brushes. After my ordeal was over I was then thrust some clothes and a pair of boots. I sighed and went to the bathroom. I pulled on the clothes and random accessories that were given to me. I looked in the mirror and sighed. I looked like a hooker.
“I look like a hooker!” I screamed gesturing to my clothes!

“Yeah but a hot hooker.” Lauren laughed

I walked back over to my closet and pulled out my black Gianvito Rossi shoes and a dress, I went back into the bathroom and got changed.

“Is this okay?” I asked

Gena laughed and nodded. While I was getting changed the rest of them were dressed and raiding my make-up bag.

“Do you have anything in here that isn’t Kat Von D branded.” Lacey groaned.

“Nope sorry.” I mumbled my tooth brush in my mouth.

We finnished getting ready laughing and joking about my selection of make-up

“OHH, her eyeliner, mascara and foundation are the only things not Kat Von D branded!” Gena squeaked

“Come on into the car now” I laughed ushering them all into the hallway and down the stairs.

“Hey Lauren how come you got to wear jeans?” I asked looking down at my dress.

“Cause babe I put heels and a nice top on with them.” She smiled.

I rolled my eyes, got into the car and followed Matt’s car out to Blue Lagoon.

The next Day

I woke up my head feeling heavy. So much for designated driver. Gena had taken that job and I drunk shot after shot and pint after pint. Of course when we thought that home was a good idea I had already had 13 pints, 12 shots of jack, 6 tequilas, 3 of those fruity drinks and god knows what else. I didn’t have a hangover it was just that my head felt heavy, there was no need to be sick or thumping inside my head. I felt around the bedside locker and then found my phone. I flipped it open and seen one new message.

I opened the message, it was from a number I didn’t recognise. It must have been dad, the text read for me to bring Peyton to the starbucks near the beach.

I pulled myself from the bed and went into Peyton’s room. I threw her jeans and t-shirt into a bag. I found her shoes and threw in a pair that would match. I looked at her clock which read 10:02am.

God it was too early. I went back inside my room and tried to pull out clothes quietly without waking Matt. That task was an epic fail. His head lifted ever so slightly off the soft orange pillows.

“Drey babe, where are you going?” He croaked

“Shh go back to sleep, I’m picking up Pey and then meeting my dad.” I whispered

I continued pulling out clothes. Matt’s head hit the pillow again and then he snapped up as if he had just processed my words.

“Your what?” He demeaned

“Calm babe, we’re only going to starbucks, he’s really sorry and wants to make amends.” I sighed

“I’m sorry, did I lose nearly 5 years of memories or is that the man who stood by in the hospital while your mother told you she wished she never had you and he let you take it?” He seethed

“Mattie please come on, this is my dad and Pey’s grandpa. I’m giving him one more chance and that’s it.” I barked back now storming off to the bathroom to shower and get ready.

“Really, you think he deserves it? He threw you out whilst you where almost four months pregnant!” Matt screamed

I turned on my heal and glared at him. “You know what Matt, he’s my dad and guess what if he wants a chance I’m gonna give it to him” I screamed throwing my heel at him. It came into contact with the wall dangerously close to his head.

“Oh here we go again, Audrey Seward doesn’t get what she wants so she stamps her foot and batters her eyelashes until I make her happy, until I give her what she wants.” He laughed darkly

“Are you being serious? I work for my own damn money and pay for my own damn stuff. I never asked for the brand new car, or the flowers or the jewellery Matthew, I just wanted a normal life with my baby girl, our baby girl and you.” I snapped

“I should have never asked you to marry me.” He whispered

My eyes widened and my heart broke. I felt all the little pieces fall to the bottom of my diaphragm.

“Fine.” I whimpered and I pulled off the ring “If that’s the way you want it Matt.” I placed the ring on the dresser and went into the bathroom.

I got in and out of the shower quickly bushed my teeth and pulled on my clothes. I walked out and pulled on a flat pair of shoes and lifted Peyton’s bag filled with her colouring book and her clothes.

I picked up my keys and walked back down stairs. I stormed out to the white bmw x5 and got in. I sat for a few moments in complete shock as to what had just happened. I light up my cigarette and pulled out of the drive way. My phone began to sing and from the tune I knew who was calling. Jim-aye. I turned the phone to silent and ignored his call. I pulled into Johnny’s drive and knocked the door to his house.

“Drey, what are you doing here.” He smiled

“Johnny can I have your car, here take mine. Call it a swap.” I laughed placing my keys into his hands.
“Drey what’s going on?” He asked, his voice wavered coated in panic.

“Please Johnny, just do this one thing for me please big brother.” I sighed my eye watering.

“Fine come in, where’s my pumpkin at today.” He smiled

“She’s with Kim and Gary, I’m gonna pick her up and then go meet dad.” I smiled slightly.

“Yeah he said, I think its nice, no more split Christmas’s.” He grinned.

He placed the keys in my hand and brought me in to a massive hug.

“Take care of yourself please, if he’s hurt you I’ll kill him.” Johnny growled

“Johnny I… I… I’m sorry.” I sighed

“It’s okay, you need someone I’m here, so is Lacey, Gena, Bri, Lauren and Jimmy.” He sniffed

I nodded and walked out to the small car parked at the side of the road. I ran back over to my old car and pulled Peyton’s bag and my stuff out and went back to the smaller car that use to be Johnny’s. I turned the key in the ignition and sped off. I saw the car parked in the driveway of Kim and Gary’s and pulled out my phone and dialled their house phone.

One ring…two rings…three rings

“Hello?” a gruff voice spoke.

“Matthew give your mother the phone.” I spat.

“Drey just come in please.” He begged

“No, now get off your stubborn ass and give your mother the phone.” I sneered

“Hello, Audrey, what is going on?” Kim asked exasperated.

“Kim will you send Peyton out please, I’m already five minutes late.” I sighed

“No, No I will not, what is going on.” She spat down the phone

“Ask your son, now I want my daughter please.”

“Peyton sweetie your mom’s outside why don’t you go on out there, Audrey Seward what is going on Matt is crying he said you broke it off, but why?”

“I broke it off? He was the one that said he wished he never asked me to marry him!” I seethed.

I hung up and Peyton got into the car. I handed her, the bag and smiled down at her. She grinned back up. It was hard to believe she had no clue what was going on around her. She was five years old but she was a smart kid. She would soon figure out that we weren’t living at home. She was going to ask questions I didn’t have the answer to. What was I suppose to tell her.

We sat in silence. No music, no chatter the only sound I could hear was other cars passing us by.

“Sweetie, we’re visiting my dad, your other grandpa. Then we are gonna call at uncle Jimmy’s” I smiled

“Mommy, do you think uncle Jimmy will let me play his drum kit again.” She grinned.

“I don’t know sweets, but you can ask when we get there.” I sighed looking out on the road. My phone vibrated against the dash board.

When we pulled in to the parking lot of starbucks I looked at the sender of the message. Jimmy had sent me a message. I sighed and opened it up.

Drey sweets,
Matt just told us what happened, Johnny’s ready to kick his ass.
Call one of us, let us know your okay?

Love youuu
Bean pole

I pushed the phone into my pocket. I would call him after starbucks. I looked at Peyton. She didn’t need the clothes in the bag. Kim had obviously called Zacky or gone shopping.

I felt her hand slip into mine and I squeeze it tight. She needed me, but I needed her so much more. She was my reason for waking up in the morning, my reason for pushing on when days got hard. We headed into the small coffee shop and ordered. I sat and watched as Peyton coloured in and listened to her IPOD.

Watching her made me smile. Maybe I had done something right in life. I mean I had brought up that small being. The tall cashier brought over my latte and Peyton’s orange juice. I smiled and thanked him.

We sat waiting, until the bell tinkled signalling someone new had entered the small cosy shop. I looked up to see my dad. He looked around briefly, saw us and smiled. He continued and made his way up to the counter to order.

What were we suppose to talk about?
What was I suppose to say?

He took a sear beside us and smiled. He looked at the small little girl, her smile framed by perfect dimples, her brown curls hung perfectly highlighting her thin perfect face and a smile so perfect it could have lit up all of California.

We chatted and laughed, the simple questions, how have you been? He asked Peyton about her favourite stuff, chatting to her like she was his new best friend. I sighed. Things should have been like this from the start. Then again people say things happen for a reason.

“Sweetie I have to go, but I’ll call you and we’ll meet up again soon.” My dad grinned.

I looked into his eyes and say he was being sincere he wanted us to see each other again. I nodded silently mirroring his grin.
We bid our goodbye’s and I made sure Peyton had her seatbelt on before driving a little further to the good part of the beach where there was no one. I sat down and let Peyton run around running to the waves and then away from them.

My thoughts had overtaken me again. That was until my phone rang. It wasn’t Matt’s ring tone, so I picked it up.

“Hello” I muttered into the small speaker

“Oh my god, it’s her guys, Drey where the hell are you we were so worried,” Jimmy squeaked

“I’m… oh god Jimmy what happened.” I squeaked back and burst into tears.

“Calm down Drey, please I’m gonna cry if you cry, come on squirt tell me where you’re at and me and Johnny will come pick you up.” he soothed

This only made me cry harder.

“I’m gonna kill him, where the hell is he?” Brian’s voice boomed from the background.

“No, don’t please, I… I’m gonna get Peyton changed and I’m gonna go see Gena.” I sniffled tears now silently making their way down my face.

“Sweetie, we’re all over at Jimmy’s come to Jimmy’s.” Gena’s voice now was heard.

“Is he there?” I asked in a small voice.

“No he knows better than that, Gates and Vengeance have already been made hand over their car keys.” Jimmy chuckled

“Okay I’ll see you guys in 10.” I hung up.

I didn’t want anymore ‘okay sweetie’ or ‘you want us to come?’. I wiped the tears away and got up.

“Peyton come on princess into the car.” I called

She turned her back to the waves and ran. I pulled her clothes out from her bag and handed them to her. She just changed her jeans and shoes. I buckled her into the car and set of for Jimmy’s unaware of what was going to happen. Unaware that, perhaps leaving that ring on Matt’s bedside cabinet could possibly be the worst mistake of my life.

When I pulled into the driveway there were four cars in the drive. I sighed.

“Come on sweetie, out cha get.” I smiled at Peyton.

She grinned up and scrambled to get her buckle off and out to the front door.

“UNCLE ZACKY!” I heard her little voice scream in excitement.

“Hey, your suppose to be that excited when you see me.” I heard Bri tease
“UNCLE BRIAN” She called and then a soft oof.

I walked in through the open door and glanced at the scene, that little girl had everyone twisted around her little finger and they didn’t try to say no, she asked and they gave. Even after all that she was so grateful for everything.

I plopped down on the sofa beside Johnny and rested my head on his shoulder. He briefly glanced down and then rested his head on mine. Everyone looked at me like I was a broken china doll. I wasn’t I just didn’t know what to do, for my sake or my daughters. We basically had no where to go. I wasn’t going to ask one of the guys to put us up, we couldn’t make them choose sides.

“Where’s Lauren?” I asked afraid of the answer I would get.

“She’s with Matt, I don’t even want to know what she’s doing to be honest.” Huffed Brian.

“Brian she’s your girlfriend, you have to care, how come your not with her?” I sighed

“Cause, she is talking to him and to be honest I’m pretty pissed at him, so for the good of his health I’m gonna stay here.” He smiled softly

“You know, it’s silly, but I thought that he would always be the perfect boyfriend and father, but lately, he’s just so different. I don’t even think he’s the same person anymore.” I sniffled

“It’s his loss, Gena went round and got your stuff, your gonna stay with me for a few days.” Johnny piped in

“I can’t do that, I’m not gonna make you all choose sides.” I laughed

“Too late, cause I picked mine as soon as he called. So, you can stay with us as long as you need to.” Johnny growled

“Jeeze okay, I just don’t want you all hating him over something this stupid.” I sighed know that it was useless to argue with him.

Lacey took one look at Johnny’s face and then picked up Peyton whispering something about ice- cream and on the swing outside.

“Hate him? Hate him, I want to kill him, feed him to the dogs reincarnate him and then make him beg for mercy as I show him what I did, while driving a blunt object through his non-existent heart!” Johnny screamed as he shot up

“Johnny, I don’t know why your getting so worked up, he’s your best friend and it’s stupid, this is between me and him!” I yelled back

“Yea that, explains everything, he may be my best friend, but you Audrey Louise Seward are family, blood is thicker than water, that means no matter what you do or he does you come first.”

“No one asked you to make that choice, no matter what he does, I’m gonna love him, so you know what I don’t think it matters what’s thicker than what, I will not have you all hating him for something that was probably my fault. You know what I don’t care anymore I really don’t, do what ever you’re gonna do, might as well give Zack and Bri their keys back! Cause you never listened to me and your not gonna start now.” I screamed at the room letting tears fall.

“Audrey…” Zacky started

“NO! I don’t want to hear it. I’m gonna be in the basement for awhile.” I sneered

I stomped down to jimmy’s basement where he kept his drum kit, a couple of guitars, a old bass belonging to me and a few mic’s. I slammed the door shut and picked up a guitar that I think came from Brian’s collection.

I placed my fingers on random spots on the fret board and sat thinking, no song jumped out at me like it normally did, the only song that kept floating through my head was the song Matt had sung to me my first night in the hospital.

I shook my head and began to play ‘Rocket Man’ I had gone through an Elton John phase awhile back and learnt my favourite songs. I don’t know why but rocket man always spoke to me. When I was finished I sat holding the guitar not knowing what to do. I wanted to smash it, I wanted to throw it against the wall and burn it into thousands of different ashes.

I was past the need to cry or the need to punch Matt, now I just wanted to break something, I wanted to burn or smash something into different pieces and watch as the owner of that item felt pain. I wanted to do it so bad, but when I looked down and saw the confederate flag I knew that one Bri would kill me and two it wasn’t worth it. I shouldn’t take this out on anyone else. They were just trying to help. No matter how useless I felt it wasn’t anybody else’s fault. I pulled the phone out of my pocket and scrolled down the list of the names until I landed on the one I was looking for.

[Ii]Mattie : )

I sighed and was faced with a mental battle should I or shouldn’t I.

“Call him, he’s gonna need to know your okay.” Jimmy’s voice sounded behind me

“I don’t even know what to do anymore Jimmy, I feel like I’m over reacting, but at the same time the guy is telling me that he wished he never asked me to marry him. I just I don’t know what to do.” I laughed

“Well at least you see the funny side?” He said although it came out more a question than anything.

“I don’t think there is a funny side Jimmy. I just… I just don’t want to be compared with Val anymore.” I sighed

I set the guitar down and turned to face Jimmy.

“Is this how you feel?” He asked his face showed that he was truly shocked by the words that fell from my mouth.

“Yeah, I mean we saw her a while back and I didn’t say anything, but he looked at her differently, he looked at her with want, his eye’s seemed full of ‘what if’ questions, like he still loved her. When he looked at me all I seen was vacancy, he no longer looked at me like he loved me, the look he had on his face was like I had held him back, like I was a disappointment.” I sniffed feeling ashamed that I was even talking about it.

“Oh hun, come here,” I shuffled into his open arms. “That boy is crazy about you. No matter what happened the only person on his mind was you, when you stopped merching for us, I was gonna go crazy, he only talked about how much he missed you and how much he wanted you back inside his arms. You never once held him back, you always told him to go follow his dreams, and he did, he still looks at you like he’s crazy about you. I remember the first day we met you, Johnny threatened Syn to stay away from you, we never thought in a million years that it would be Matt he would really have to threaten. Believe it or not for a guy of five foot something Johnny can be pretty scary.” He chuckled as he rocked me back and forth on the spot

“Jimmy, do you think I over reacted?” I muttered into his shirt

“To be honest sweet pea, I don’t think you did, I think you reacted rationally specially since we’ve all seen you pretty mad. You were calm with Matt, but call him, I know it might be hard, but trust me he needs to know your okay…well as okay as you can be” He laughed

I nodded and broke free of his death grip. I looked back gown at the phone and hit the button that made the link between our phones.

“Hello.” a voice whispered, it sounded hoarse and broken

“Mattie?” I asked unsure

“Drey, oh god, don’t hang up.”

“I can’t not Mattie, I just want to let you know I’m okay and I need time, I need to find my way without you. I love you, forever and always.” I sighed blinking back tears and praying m, voice wouldn’t crack.

Then I did what he asked me not to.
I hung up.