Believe In Me

Well, talk about awkward… I never thought Kevin would be such a … never mind. He just loves making my life miserable, doesn’t he? I never asked or wanted him to act like Dailee was just some silly crush I had and that it would blow over soon. I know it won’t. In fact, I don’t think it will for a very long time, if ever. I know I probably sound absurd but I know it’s true. One hundred and twenty percent true, actually. There is this feeling I have whenever she’s around, like I’ve got the breath knocked out of me. And the funny thing is: I absolutely love it. It’s like I have an addiction to her or something. Day after day all I can think about is the next time I can see her or talk to her, but now that she won’t talk to me I don’t know how long I can act like I’m perfectly fine and that I’m not on the verge of going mad. There’s truly no easy way to fully explain it. Maybe if I had told Kevin this he would have taken me more seriously. Oh, who am I kidding? He just would have laughed harder since he doesn’t believe in true love.

Wait.

Stop the presses.

Did I seriously think of the “L” word?

No. I shouldn’t even think that I love her. It wouldn’t be right. I haven’t even had a decent conversation with the girl, let alone gone on a date with her… Wow, am I in deep or what?

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I sat in the same tree I do every Saturday afternoon. I would have my camera with me, but this Polaroid will do just fine. I’ll just scan it later to enlarge it. Trying to capture a different object of the meadow that rolled in front of me wasn’t too hard. Just close my eyes, open them, and there’s a new subject in view. It really is breathtaking how far you can see from up here. The waves of grasses and ferns are seemingly endless, surrounded by a blue-green glass pond. Dailee eased the camera back into her pack and slipped the pictures into an accordion file folder. After making sure everything was safe on her back, she slid soundlessly down the tree and wandered toward the pond. Cale use to take me here whenmom and Dad got in little fights. The openness of it really cleared my thoughts. When I really get thinking, especially out here, I start to wonder why God put me in this… situation. Something good or meaningful has to come of it, right? I mean why else would I be put through so much pain? I need something in my life to distract me from reality. Maybe I should … no, I can’t talk to Nick. That would ruin my plan. Hmm…
Well, I guess Cale was right. I should practice. That old black piano really was one of the only things keeping my mind of things. I might want to head home before she gets home. Unless she’s already there, that is.

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That went well- oh who am I even try to kid? The whole ordeal was awkward and terribly depressing. I’ve never really talked to anybody about my father before and now that I have I hope that I don’t have to for a while. Bringing back all those wonderfully painful memories can really trigger the tears. Only thing I can say is I’m proud of how long Dailee made it before running out on us, even if she wasn’t as strong as I wish she could be. She never wants to talk about how things were. It makes the atmosphere clouded with such a disheartening and miserable sense that she can hardly breathe and ends up running to her room. While I was at Nick’s house I figured out some of his ‘secrets’. Well, only two, but still. The first was that he was a musician, which to me was slightly surprising. The second was he hasn’t always been this nice innocent kid I thought he was. He was once part of a different crowd, which is how he knows Paul. It was more like a party scene than anything. A bunch of kids got together and drank beers and wine coolers. Nick told me that he never had more than half of a wine cooler because he hated drinking. I asked him why he even went in the first place. He just shook his head and looked at me, ’What’s your guess as to why I stopped going?’ he said softly. I had no clue what he was getting at, but he got to the point shortly after. ‘I figured out shortly after the first couple times I went the whole reason of getting drunk wasn’t just to get drunk and mess around. If you know what I mean then you can figure out pretty easily that this is where I met Paul. That was just one reason. I probably shouldn’t be the one telling you this, so please don’t get mad at Dailee… I also met Dailee for the first time at one of those parties’. I stared at him appalled. An ‘I’m sorry’ was all he could muster for the moment. He waited for me to calm down before he spoke again, ‘I’ve never seen her so frightened until recently. I watched her until some guy went up to her and started talking. I could tell the words coming from his mouth were not very modest on his part from her expression. I walked over to her and put my arm around her waist, staring the guy down. When I got a better look at him, it turns out he was a senior. Robby. He must have thought we were together or something ‘cause he backed off right after that. I asked her if she was ok, but she just turned around and left the party. I’ve been fascinated with her ever since. She is the other reason I stopped going.’ He was being so honest with me. I asked him why and he said it was because I was being honest about my father and being kind enough to answer his questions. I wonder where he learned to lie so well…

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Dailee rushed past all the decently large houses in her excitement to start playing the piano. As she hurried down the long winding street, she suddenly had a gut feeling someone was watching her. She turned around but saw no one there. Am I delusional or what? She started to run fast as her high tops would let her. Being almost four houses away from her home eased her growing paranoia a tad, but it didn’t put her at complete ease yet. No car was in the driveway, so she ran around her grey plastic mailbox and up the driveway without slowing her pace. She was about to open her door when a deep voice startled her, “Before you get yelled at, I’m sorry.”

She was going to respond with a sarcastic, “Didn’t you learn your lesson?”, but held her tongue and pushed her way into the house leaving behind the teenage boy in her tree.

She sprinted for her room and lightly placed her bag on the bed before heading for the carpeted basement containing the precious black upright. Sliding cautiously onto the slick black bench, she carefully revealed the white and black keys. After taking a deep breath, she lightly pressed one of the white keys, filling the spacious room with a pleasant note. Her fingers flowed graciously across the keys; a light, mellow song flowed from the beautiful instrument in front of her. Her wrists stayed parallel to the floor as her finger did all the work in playing the remarkable piece of work. Her eyes fluttered shut, allowing her to become lost in her song, her world. She didn’t even notice someone creep down the stairs and listen to her play until the final notes drifted toward the off-white ceiling. Finally noticing the stray tears that rolled off her lashes, she brushed a finger tip under each eye to stop the rest from escaping too. He wasn’t sure if he should make his presence known to her or not. He took his chances, “You play exceptionally well you know.”

She didn’t look up at first she just wiped the rest of her tears away. “I’ve never heard such a beautiful piece before,” he continued with the complements as he slowly walked toward her still seated form.

“What are you doing here?” she asked softly, refusing to look at him.

He ignored her question, “Why didn’t you tell me you played?”

“Why didn’t you want me to know you write songs,” she snidely shot back.

He took a step back, “I’m sorry. Forgive me Dailee, I’m sorr-“

“I can’t,” she cut in, “at least not yet.”

“Why not, Dailee? If I hurt you in any way, I apologize,” she shook her head and turned her back to him, “What did I do that was so wrong to you?”

She sat there thinking for an excuse, yet found none but the truth. She swallowed hard and turned gradually around, turning her back to the piano, and staring deep into his dark chocolate eyes. Yearning for an unknown closeness to him she answered delicately this time, “Made me fall.”