So...Who Are You Again? My Chemical Romance? Never Heard of You.

"What the FUCK, man?" someone yelled, rudely waking me up. I felt someone shift behind me shortly followed by a groan as I recalled yesterday's events. I blinked several times before my eyes adjusted to the light to find three unhappy figures looking down upon me.

Did I say unhappy? I meant furious.

"Sorry Julie," I heard Gerard's voice whisper, "but we've got to yell at Frank now."

I watched him kneel down next to me, his expression significantly softer. He carefully slid an arm behind my neck and another under my knees then scooped me up, walking me away from Frank.

"What the hell is your problem?" Mikey's voice caught my attention. I craned my neck over Gerard's shoulder to see Mikey grab Frank's shirt and force him to sit up, Ray standing to the side with the same angry look. As I steadily grew more aware of the situation, my concern heightened.

"What the hell is my problem? What the hell is your problem?" Frank defended hoarsely, rubbing his eye. "Why are you yelling at me?"

Gerard placed me upright in a chair nearby, bending to my eye level with a caring gaze. My eyes darted frantically from person to person, trying to make sense of the situation.

"I told you not to get too close," Gerard reminded in a pained voice, cupping the side of my face. His fingers lightly traced down my check before he faced Frank again.

"What are you doing?" Gerard reprimanded, walking swiftly back to the couch, motioned toward me. "You can't just fucking lead her on like that! Did you forget about Lauren?"

I froze in place, watching everything unfold before my eyes. I had completely forgotten no one else knew about Lauren's havoc. Frank and I had our own separate universe it seemed where everything made sense to us, but not everyone else. I suddenly remembered what he said to me before our first actual conversation;

“Most of the things I do probably don’t make sense to anyone but me.”

And ever since I became friends with him that applied to the two of us. I was in his world now.

"What about Lauren?" Frank growled through gritted teeth, now fully awake and glaring dangerously back to Gerard.

"Oh, I don't know," Mikey spoke up lightly, but his words still angry. "Maybe that she's your FIANCÉ?"

"I didn't ask her," Frank mumbled, looking down from the three. He started picking at the couch cushion, just like I knew he would. I wanted to help him against the attack, but I couldn't get myself to move. Deep inside I knew I wanted him to admit it. I knew I wanted to hear him say to someone besides me that he and Lauren were over. I felt childish wanting to be the only girl on his mind, but I couldn’t help myself.

"That still doesn't matter," Ray now joined in, with just as much ferocity as the Ways. "She's your girlfriend of THREE years."

"I didn't ask her because she was cheating on me," Frank snapped, which immediately left the guys looking taken aback and shocked. I watched him rub his temples in exasperation with a tiny feeling of relief. He finally said it. After a month, he finally came to terms.

"There you happy?" he asked bitterly. "Now you know why I was so pissed off at the beginning of the tour. The day I was going to ask her to marry me, I found her cheating on me. So don't ask me what my problem is."

"Why didn't you tell anybody?" Mikey whispered, looking just as broken as his friend.

"I did. I told Julie." He nodded to me and Gerard's eyes looked over, solemnly. "She's the only one that's actually helped."

"Frank, we could have helped," Gerard said meekly, his eyes lingering on me.

"No you couldn't have."

"Do you really not trust us? Are we just not worthy to help? I mean, excuse me for thinking we’re friends or anything.”

"You don't understand," Frank mumbled, sinking lower into the couch. "I hate her so much. Just thinking about her takes me back to that moment where everything fell apart and being around you guys just made me remember her even more. I wanted to completely escape my old life, but then I realized I couldn't. I couldn't just forget everything; I was going to have to adapt...which is what I've been trying to do. I'm trying to move on, which is why I need Julie right now."

It suddenly hit me, leaving an unwelcome, hallow feeling inside me. What if I was the rebound girl- The one to just make him feel better until he was ready to continue with life? Did he really like to be around me particularly, or did he just need someone there and I was the one who came forward to help?

“Why didn’t you say anything though?” Gerard continued.

“I didn’t know when, or how, or anything. I wasn’t a hundred percent...I’m still not a hundred percent.”

“I even brought her up...and you lied to all of our faces.” Gerard looked betrayed despite Frank's confession. He told me time and time again that he had no morals and that he was a total badass, but I'd found after being around him that he despised being lied to. I knew all this deceit would blow up in our faces, and there it finally was. But they needed to sort things out one way or another.

“You told us that you talked to her on the phone; that you were going to meet her. And you know what, Frank? We weren’t even close to New Jersey. I thought you just had the dates wrong, but you flat out lied to everyone."

“I know and I'm sorry," Frank said quickly, seeming a little annoyed. "But-"

“Why couldn’t you have told us?” Ray wondered in a quiet voice.

“I just-”

“You didn't have to lie, Frankie," Mikey mumbled. "You had us worrying about you this entire time. We could have helped. We can help."

"No you can't," Frank insisted through gritted teeth, his voice rising.

"Why do you keep saying that?!" Gerard demanded, tensing with frustration, his eyes piercing into Frank's.

“Because I still miss her! Okay?" he yelled, looking to be stubbornly fighting off angry tears. "You CAN'T help me. I’ve been with her almost every day for the past THREE years. How do you just adjust to that when you’re so used to someone always being there and then they’re just suddenly not? How are you supposed to act, knowing that they will NEVER be there for you again when they were the one who single-handedly stopped you from committing fucking suicide?!”

His words pierced and damn near broke my heart. The four of us stared at him with matching expressions; eyes wide and horrified, breath caught in our throats. I even started shaking.

I watched Frank bury his face in his hands, taking a firm grip on his hair. He was still broken and I hadn't seen it. There was no way I could replace Lauren, not after they went through something like that. But to think there was a point Frank didn't want to be here anymore...

Did he still feel like that?

“Frank...” Gerard whispered after several moments of silence, his usually commanding and confident voice sounding weak

“Don’t talk to me..." Frank mumbled, dragging himself up from the couch, his head hung low. He shuffled around the couch and out the room, not taking a second glance at me. I wouldn't have met his eyes though; mine stayed on the spot where he was sitting. None of us could move, as if his words had physically petrified us.

"Did you know about that?" Mikey quivered, running a hand through his hair, glancing quickly from Gerard to Ray, who weakly shook their heads. One by one I saw their heads turn to me out of the corner of my eye, but I just sat there staring blankly at the empty couch. Gerard, the first of any of us to actually move, took a couple steps toward me and kneeled beside me.

"I told you not to get too close," Gerard reiterated sadly, biting his lip. Slowly, my gaze slid from the couch to Gerard, slightly narrowing.

"Are you saying all this is my fault?" I whispered harshly, my rage growing.

"Not in the least," he declined calmly, shaking his head. "Like I said before, I didn't want your heart broken. Now it seems we've got two beyond repair."

"I already knew about Lauren," I stated, even though he'd already been told. It was as if I were trying to convince him I hadn't gotten too attached. That he wasn't right about this.

"Still, look where it landed you."

"But look where you are, too," I countered hoarsely, knowing he was hurting inside. I could see it in his eyes, hell I could see it in his whole face. Ray and Mikey's, too. I didn't want to know how I looked, I already felt bad enough.

"Hey guys, what's everyone doing down here so early?" Bob suddenly bounded into the room, taking a place on the arm of the couch, looking around with a slowly diminishing smile. "Uh- What'd I miss?"

I suddenly burst into tears with no warning. I guess the built up feeling of helplessness inside of me, Frank, and the other three finally exploded to the surface.

"Julie, I'm- What's- What'd I-" Bob sputtered, stepping closer to me with concern.

"Not now," someone whispered, but I didn't know who. I had brought my knees to my chest and buried my face, my hair streaming down to block the rest of the world out.

"But-"

"I'll tell you later," the same person hissed, leaving silence again except for my uncontrollable sobs. I didn't know if I could be friends with Frank for much longer; I didn't know if my emotions could handle the overdrives he kept sending me into.

--

I didn't move from the chair for another hour. I had nowhere to be. And it's not like we could have left anyway; no one could find Frank so we weren't going anywhere. We had the roadies, the band, and Shelly looking for him. I just sat there though; if all these people were looking and still couldn't find him, I highly doubted the aid of another person would really make a difference. Nobody paid any mind to me anyway.

"Hey Julie."

Scratch that.

I glanced up to see a worn-out looking Mikey. I managed a small murmur of acknowledgement because I wasn't exactly in a talking mood.

"I was just wondering," he began, sounding defeated. "Do you know where Frank is? Like can you find him?"

"What am I supposed to do, Mikey?" I countered in a rude tone, staring forward. "Whistle for him? He's not a dog."

"I was just asking," he defended with a frown. I sighed, closing my eyes, in attempt to gather my composure.

"I'm sorry," I apologized genuinely in a much nicer tone. "I'm just-"

"Scared shitless? Worried beyond belief? Feel like everything just got turned upside down and there's nothing you can do about it?" he cut me off in a sharp tone that I'd never heard him use before. "Well you're not the only one."

"I never said I was," I retaliated, feeling anger boil up inside of me.

"Frank could be dead for all we know and you're just sitting there!"

"What do you want me to do, Mikey?" I jumped out of my chair with my fists clenched, countering his glare with my own. "Scream and stomp around the hotel?"

"It would be more than you're doing!"

"Okay then!" I screamed, stomping past him toward the end of the room, ignoring his jump of surprise by the volume of my voice. "Where the fuck are ya, Frank?!" I continued walking, ignoring the shocked glances I was receiving from various people. "Mikey thinks this will help, Frank, so you better come out because Mikey knows best!"

A tear slid down my cheek as I yelled, my voice cracking. I shakily collapsed against a wall and started crying, beginning to break again. I felt dumb, not being able to keep it together and blubbering like an idiot, but I really didn't care. Shortly after, a lanky arm wrapped around me, pulling me into a hug.

"I want him to feel better so badly, Mikey," I sobbed, quickly realizing who it was. "I hate to see him sad like that and if I could, I'd take all that pain away from him in an instant."

"I know," he assured softly with a sigh. "I didn't mean it. I'm just so frustrated. Nothing like this has ever happened before."

"Do you really think he's..." I trailed off, not able to finish my sentence. I glanced up at him, noticing a distant look in his dull eyes.

"Dead?" he finished for me, making me flinch. "No I don't think that."

"Me either," I whispered honestly, wiping my tear streaked cheek. I really believed he wasn't dead...he just didn't want to be found. "But if we want to find him...we have to think like him."

"That's the hard part," he mumbled with a grimace.

"You know more about Frank than me," I said, pausing to sniff. "Where do you think someone like him would go?"

"Well after today, I'm not really sure what I know anymore." He sighed, slouching his shoulders unconfidently.

“How about I go this way,” I pointed to my left, “and you go that way,” I suggested, twisting my wrist to signal the other direction.

“Sounds like a good enough plan,” he finalized, letting go of me so he could stand. He looked down at me once I was up too and pursed his lips. “Don’t be discouraged if you don’t find him. Nobody’s had any luck…obviously,” he added, rolling his eyes at his own words. I nodded shortly before we went separate directions in search of the illusive guitarist.

--

I decided initially that I had to think outside the box if I wanted to find Frank. When I saw a sign inside that directed me toward the roof, I figured I might as well try it.

I held my breath as I squeaked open the heavy door to the roof, taking a couple timid steps forward. I cautiously crunched across the rocks, scared I would fall off, even though there was virtually no way for me to unless a freakishly large gust of wind spontaneously appeared. But still, I remained careful as I crossed the rooftop, holding my arms out for extra balance.

"You're not going to fall," a voice suddenly startled me. I jumped with a screech, whipping around to find the source of the voice, but the loose rocks slipped from under me and I fell flat on my back, just like you'd see in a cartoon.

"I stand corrected." I winced as I lifted my head, looking above the door I came out of to find Frank sitting with a tiny smile. I quickly sat up as he jumped off his perch and walked toward me, checking my well being.

"Everyone's looking for you," I said as he sat down beside me cross-legged, putting his elbows to his knees and dropping his chin to his palms.

"Yeah." He nodded his head, looking down. "Three people have already come up here."

Damn. And I thought I was being original.

"Why didn't you say anything to them?" I questioned, still a tad shocked. I didn’t expect to actually find him so fast, especially when an entire search team practically tore the hotel apart.

"I didn't want to be found." He shrugged indifferently as he fidgeted with the little, white rocks in front of him. My eyebrows furrowed as I continued watching him, noting something particularly odd.

"Why are you so calm?" I wondered, observing his whole figure, which was the polar opposite than the last time I’d seem him. Frank sighed with a contemplative frown, sitting up straighter.

"I was thinking. I kind of feel...better getting everything off my chest. Like this huge weight has been lifted off me. I’m so used to just bottling things up inside me and working things out on my own by myself. Look where that strategy’s landed me.” He chuckled cynically, but a grimace soon took over again. My eyes made their way up to his, still feeling unpleasant inside.

"Did you really want to,” I swallowed, “kill yourself?"

He sighed deeply, blinking several times. "I was at a really bad time in my life. This was two years ago...Nothing anything too recent,” he assured with a shake of his head. “But she talked me through it and I realized how stupid it was. I felt pathetic. I didn't want to tell anyone else because this band is supposed to be about helping people, but I couldn't even help myself.”

"I'm glad she helped you through." My voice sounded hollow; it had no substance to it.

"Me too. And I appreciate what she's done, but I just have to get it through my head that we're over. It's just kind of hard to cope with, like I said earlier."

"That's understandable," I agreed softly, feeling crestfallen with all this talk about Lauren and her legacy I could never live up to. He seemed to pick up on this as he looked at me, biting his upper lip. Taking me by surprise, he leaned forward and brought me into a hug.

"I don't know how things would be if you weren't here." I scoffed, rolling my eyes as he pulled away, not giving me time to react otherwise. "No really. You saw how hard it was for me to tell everyone, and that was even with your month’s worth of help. I can't apologize enough for hurting your feelings."

"Frank, I have to know something," I said suddenly, staring a hole into the ground.

"Yeah?"

"Do you..." I ventured, trying to find the right words to fill the silence. I’d never been particularly brave when it came to talking about feelings. In a way, I guess I was like Frank.

"Do I...what?" He side glanced at me curiously, trying to see what I was getting at.

"Do you like me?" I spat out finally, looking up at him boldly. "Like, me for me. Or am I just here to make you feel better?"

He hesitated to answer, looking me in the eye. I held my breath and the longer he waited to answer only suppressed my hope.

"I don't know," he finally mumbled.

"You don't know," I repeated stoically, more silence following me.

"Look, I'm going to tell you the truth upfront-"

"But you're so good at lying," I countered, preparing to get up and leave.

"Julie, please,” he pleaded, looking up at me desperately and grabbing my hand so I could get up. “I may screw up more than the average person, but I'm not a bad guy. You know that."

I knew that, alright. But I was in no mood to agree at that point in time, so I said nothing. However, I did stay seated and squirmed my hand out of his, causing him to sigh.

"When I first talked to you about Lauren, I saw you as someone I could vent my problems to, who wouldn't judge me by my past because you didn't know anything about me. And I tried to tell you almost as much as possible to get it off my chest, like you first told me I should do. See? I was listening." He laughed shortly, but I remained emotionless. He cleared his throat seriously, looking back down.

"But the more I was around you, the more I would want to talk to you...about other things besides Lauren. I wanted to have actual conversations with you, and get to know you as a person, rather than some strange human journal. You got me back on my feet and I started to feel happy again. And when I'm with you, I sometimes forget about Lauren since I'm only focused on you. Except...at the same time, it's that happiness that reminds me of her. She was a huge part of my life and I can’t forget how happy she made me.”

"And I’m no Lauren," I murmured sullenly.

"That’s right," he agreed with a smile spreading across his face. "You’re not Lauren, and I’m not expecting you to be. In fact, I don’t want you to be. I want you to be Julie. I like you well enough so far being yourself. And you have to realize I’ve known her a lot longer than I’ve known you. Of course we’re not going to go through every bonding experience possible in a month."

"Actually…I think we have," I corrected in a reminiscent tone. He copied my thoughtful gaze upward, a quick time line of us appearing in my mind.

"Now that I think about it…" he trailed off in realization. We were pretty close for friends who’ve only known each other for a month. I couldn’t list off nearly as many things about the other guys as I could about Frank. In fact, my list about Frank could probably eat the others’ lists for dinner and still have room for a dessert.

Mind you, this is if hypothetical lists had hypothetical appetites.

"But I know what you mean," I replied quickly, beginning to feel relief about the situation because I hadn’t ever seen it from that perspective before. "…So where do we go from here?"

“Maybe we should just stay friends for now,” he suggested with an uncomfortable glance to the side, squinting slightly due to the sun. My slight inclination of good feeling suddenly got stomped back down by his words.

"Are-"

"I like you. I really do," he cut me off. "I can’t give you all of my mind right now and I don’t want to have to put you through that. Maybe with time there could be something."

Time. That was a rather risky subject with Frank’s emotions jumping back and forth. I didn’t know how long he’d necessarily need or if this was a lost cause.

"Can I at least do something to be sure I’m making the right choice to wait for you?"

"Shoot," he complied casually with a lopsided grin.

On impulse, I leaned forward and kissed him, letting that same feeling as last night fill up inside me. I liked him too much to not wait, and I’d be a fool to turn him down. I pulled away, my final answer confirmed, but I didn’t even get an inch away before Frank placed his hand on the back of my head and brought our lips together again. He slowly deepened the kiss and led my back to the ground.

Suddenly, Frank pulled away about the same time as I winced, a sharp pain shooting through my arm. Maybe a roof with sharp rocks wasn’t the best place to be making out at.

"I got a little carried away." Frank laughed at himself, scratching the side of his head sheepishly, his cheeks flushing lightly causing me to smile too. "Sorry."

Whoa, now. No need to apologize.

"So yeah," I said shortly, trying to get my breathing rate down to normal. "I'll uh...I'll wait for ya."

"Who knows? Maybe we won’t have all that long to wait."