So...Who Are You Again? My Chemical Romance? Never Heard of You.

I wished it were a dream. It didn't feel real but there reality was, ready with a cruel slap in the face.

I wished I could invent a time machine to take it all back: The time we spent together, the laughs we'd shared, and I think I'd take it so far as to say even getting to know him. It wasn't supposed to work out this way and the worst part was, I couldn't do a thing about it except cry against the side of a house.

I felt indescribable- Some mixture of hate, sorrow, helplessness, and regret. Regardless of not being an English major, I was pretty sure there wasn't a word for it.

"There you are!" a voice echoed between the houses followed footsteps crunching through the grass. I weakly looked up with tear stained cheeks to find Gerard kneeling in front of me, now with a look of concern. "Dear fucking Lord, what happened, Julie?

"I should have listened to you, Gee." My voice cracked as I smiled sorrowfully at him while he searched my face desperately for an explanation.

"What are you talking about?" he whispered, absolutely oblivious.

"I should've stayed away from him," I elaborated meekly, hugging my knees closer as my gaze dropped.

"Should've stayed away from whom? Frank?" Gerard's voice began to grow louder with a sense of urgency as he tried to get answers out of me, taking a firm grip on my shoulders. I simply nodded, not looking him in the eye. He took a breath in attempt to keep his keep his anger down as his face grew dark. "What happened?"

"After everything, he picked her," I told him then swallowed, not ready to talk about it.

"Julie, you've gotta give me more," Gerard pleaded, shaking his head with pursed lips, still not understanding my cryptic words.

"After everything that happened and everything we went through, I just saw him kiss Lauren," I snapped, a fresh batch of angry tears forming. Tonight I was betrayed and nothing else.

"What?" Gerard asked slowly, his jaw slacking in disbelief. "But he-"

"Willingly," I choked out, tensing up. Gerard got over his initial shock as he narrowed his eyes into a murderous glare, his gaze trailing toward the front door.

"What exactly did you see?" he asked in a low voice, flickering his focus back to me. I looked down, unable to find the words, even though the scene was burned into my memory on repeat. Patiently, Gerard brought his leg out from under him and crossed it with his other leg.

I brought Gerard through what I saw roughly half an hour ago. I told him I couldn't remember word for word what they said so I summed it up instead. That was a lie. I remembered every word they spoke and I think he could tell, but didn't say a thing about it. Once I stuttered through everything, determined not to waste any more tears on him, although currently failing, Gerard balled up his fists. In disgust, unable to restrain himself any longer, he shot up from the ground.

"I'll be back," he seethed before stomping back to the entrance. Normally I would have constrained him from violence, but this time I stayed still. I didn't care what he did to Frank anymore.

I heard the blaring music cut off indoors which was replaced by faint yelling. That a boy, Gerard. I didn't know what he was saying or who he was saying it to, but it made me feel slightly better that he would go to that extent to stick up for me, even though he was one of my shortest known friends.

I started thinking to the beginning of the tour, my tears finally drying up as an empty feeling settled uneasily inside me. In my wildest dreams I wouldn't have conjured up that something like this would happen. Part of me wished I'd just stayed at my stupid little pizzeria while the other part was glad to experience something during the tour, rather than staying cooped up.

I just wished that a certain person hadn't been along for the ride. Why I had to bother getting to know him was beyond me. I'd say this was turning into my biggest regret.

Suddenly I heard a loud crash near the front of the house from, what my guess was, the front door slamming against the house. Immediately various angry voices floated toward me, one of them I recognized as Frank's.

My eyes widened and I began trembling. I wasn't ready to talk to him yet. Whimpering softly as I sniffed, trying to get the wavering tears to stop, I got on my hands and knees. I crawled the short distance to the bushes nearby and slid myself behind them, out of view from everyone. I knew Gerard meant well, but I just wasn't ready.

"Get over there," his voice commanded and Frank was suddenly shoved into my view, looking confused. Gerard soon appeared too and I watched from behind the shrubs, balled up and holding my breath to contain my sobs, as a small group gathered where I once sat.

"What are you doing, Gerard?" Frank demanded, throwing his arms out. Gerard blinked stupidly at the wall that I had been against, baffled at my amazing disappearing act.

"Where'd she go?" I heard him whisper, jerking his head in several directions, trying to spot me. I ducked down lower in my hiding place, concealing myself so that only I could still see the congregation. I couldn't bring myself to look at Frank any longer- He didn't look the tiniest bit guilty.

With a grimace, Gerard turned toward the random people gathered, his brother now being a part of the group.

"Everyone back inside," he growled, motioning the crowd away from the area. With many groans and complaints, he eventually herded people in the right direction. Mikey attempted to stay but Gerard simply shook his head which made Mikey reluctantly trail behind the group. Frank began walking along with them, but Gerard grabbed the back of his shirt as he passed, separating the two from the people. He sent a warning glare toward Frank as he shifted his weight several times, waiting for everyone to go back inside I presumed.

"Are we playing hide and seek or something?" Frank asked, attempting humor. Gerard's consistent scowl didn't falter. After several seconds however, he let out a sigh and shook his head.

"What's your problem, dude?" he asked softly, drawing his eyebrows together, as if silently begging Frank to stop doing stupid things. He knew as well as I that was like asking a person not to breath- It was just second nature for Frank.

"What do you know?" Frank asked cautiously, crossing his arms in defense.

"I know you kissed Lauren," Gerard answered, folding his own arms in response. Frank's shoulders shrank and his head dropped at once, knowing he did something wrong.

"...Don't tell-"

"Julie's the one who told me," Gerard interjected, staying a lot calmer than I thought he would. I think he realized there was no point in blind rage- The damage had already been done.

"She wasn't supposed to see that," Frank murmured barely loud enough for me to hear him. I acrimoniously began to wonder if he would have even told me about it if I hadn't seen him.

"Then who was?"

"No one," Frank answered miserably. "It was something Lauren and I had to work out."

"By kissing her?" Gerard ridiculed, causing Frank to sigh. "I wouldn't be as angry about this if it weren't for Julie. You led that girl on and if you're just planning on going back to Lauren after everything that happened-"

"I'm not though," Frank quickly objected, almost making me scoff bitterly.

"Sure doesn't look like it," Gerard took the words right out of my thoughts.

"Look-"

"No, you look," he commanded. "We're going to find Julie and you're going to say your explanation to her too. She was fucking crying her eyes out when I found her and now she's missing."

"Gee, you know I would never willingly make her cry." His voice sounded strained and for a brief second, I wanted to forgive him, but luckily the feeling passed.

"Well," He said shortly then paused, raising his eyebrows and shrugging his shoulders, "you did."

"This is all my fault," Frank mumbled miserably.

"No shit," Gerard shot back with a roll of his eyes. "What were you even doing?"

"I was talking to Lauren and she just...just kissed me."

"Out of the blue?" Gerard asked flatly, not buying his story.

"Well not per say. She just...I just..." He looked at Frank impatiently, ready to hear his defense which so far was shaping up ever so nicely. He hung his head low and finished in a softer voice, "I just wanted to see if I would feel anything."

Gerard looked at him blankly for a second before tiny thought lines formed on his weary face. It reminded me of when I kissed Gerard out of, for lack of a better word, curiosity. It wasn't necessarily the right thing to do, but it had brought my mind to conclusions. Besides, it's not like I had been going out with Gerard for three years, broken up with him after catching him cheat on me, and then decided to kiss him again, despite a very nice girl's help, to see if there were any left over feelings.

Oh no- That's the sort of thing Frank was good at. I wouldn't dream of stealing his thunder.

"So...did you?" Gerard wondered softly, cocking his head slightly, revoking his harsh tone. Frank hung his head as he thought, sighing heavily and squishing the grass below him absentmindedly.

"I don't know."

"You don't know," Gerard repeated, his voice reflecting his disappointment again. Frank's lack of a response said it all for me. I completely lost hope in him at that moment in time, fighting off my inclination to cry. How could I have placed so much faith in a man I had barely just come to know?

I was a fool to think it could have ever worked between us.

"I need to talk to Julie," Frank decided, remembering his mission. Hesitantly, Gerard nodded toward the front of the house, silently agreeing to try and find me, despite the disdain that still sat on his face. They walked together in the other direction from me in silence.

I took that as my cue to push my way from behind the bushes. A frown sat upon my face as I began walking toward the alley, not wanting to intercept the boys, or anyone for that matter. I needed to be alone but I didn't know where to go. Walking in a random direction was not only immature but irresponsible too. I was through with responsibility, though.

"Good luck with that guys," I muttered sulkily to myself, referring to Frank and Gerard's search for me. "Let me know how it works out for you."

--

I sat glumly on the park swing as I unenthusiastically rocked shortly back and forth, allowing the grains of sand to bunch up on either side of my feet. After walking for several minutes, I came across a playground next to a local park, both being deserted as it was well into the night. People were probably worrying about me by now but the truth was I didn't care.

It kind of scared me how much I didn't care. I was beginning to feel nothing inside me, similar to every other time Frank and I had a disagreement. My emotions had never been so out of whack because of a stupid guy. I wanted this lack of feeling to go away inside me, but I wasn't about to just pretend nothing happened.

My thoughts were cut short when I noticed headlights heading down the street I was facing. I watched impassively as the car approached, knowing someone I knew was probably in it but not feeling inclined to run anymore.

Just like I predicted, right as soon as the car sloppily parked, Mikey burst out of the driver's door with a panicked expression and quickly rushed toward me.

"Julie, where the hell have you been?" he demanded as he neared me, his eyebrows drawn together worriedly.

"Here," I replied uncooperatively, still dragging the sand away with my shoes as I dully swung. He sighed and pursed his lips, much like his brother.

"We had no idea where you went," Mikey continued. "We were really worried."

"Did Gerard tell you anything?" I questioned apprehensively, eyeing Mikey. He furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head, showing his ignorance.

"What's wrong?" Mikey's voice dropped as he slightly hunched over. "Gerard didn't tell me anything; only to find you so you and Frank can talk."

"I don't have anything to say to Frank," I shot back hostely, taking Mikey by surprise. He licked his lips nervously the way he did when someone was having an argument, taking a sudden glance back to the car. Darkly, my eyes flickered toward the car to find the passenger's seat slowly open, revealing a timid looking Frank. I clenched my jaw and stood from the swing, ready to storm off again. Just looking at him brought the image of him and her kissing to my mind. Irritably, I began stomping away from the two in order to restrain myself.

"Please can we talk?" Frank requested, taking a few steps away from the car. Hearing him talk to me sparked a fire inside, causing my anger to rise dramatically. I stopped tensely and wheeled around to face him, wind flapping through my hair.

"Alright Frank, let's talk," I complied through gritted teeth, glaring dangerously at Frank. "Let's talk about how after all that you went through, all we went through, you just took it upon yourself to kiss her."

Mikey's jaw dropped at my words in astonishment. Frank remained quiet as he bit his lip, probably trying to formulate some way to worm out of this one.

"We had some stuff to clear up."

"And you just bought all that bull shit?" I cut him off, so tired of the distorted truth that always escaped his mouth. I balled my fists and shook with furry. "I can't believe you. I've heard both sides of the story now. If she was that paranoid and cheated on you once, she's probably going to do it again."

"We were together three years...You don't know her..." Frank mumbled, looking sullenly to the ground. My jaw dropped in disbelief as my shoulders slumped, my unknown layers of hope in him continuing to rip away.

"And now you're defending her?" I whispered, tears prickling behind my eyes. He scrunched his face in frustration and shook his head as if trying to take back what he said.

"Julie, that's not what I...I can explain-"

"No Frank," I snapped, anger flaring up inside of me, pointing threateningly at him with. My jaw was clenched so tight that it was beginning to give me a numbing headache. "You don't get to talk to me anymore."

Without a word, Frank's eyes widened in fear as he stood petrified, his breaths beginning to become shorter.

"I can't believe I let myself fall for you," I regretted in disgust, my voice rising but no one did a thing to stop me. "I can't believe I actually felt sorry for you and wanted to help you despite what everyone told me. They told me to stay away and now I realize I should have listened. I should have just left you broken because at least I wouldn't have ended up the same way."

Frank stood his ground, absorbing my venting, his bright eyes still large. I'd never exploded at him before- I'd hardly even raised my voice at him before. And I wasn't even close to done.

"After the way you treated me, I thought I could forgive you and we could move forward from there," I shouted, remembering how bad he had made me feel for even living. "But now I realize you just can't get out of the past and I can't believe I ever thought you could. We can't ever be together because you just won't let go! Frank, you have to learn to move on 'cause that's what I'm going to do- I don't need this."

"You don't mean that," he told me, now functioning properly again, as I turned to walk away from him. Before I even took a step, he grasped my wrist to get me to stop moving. "You don't fucking mean that."

"Don't touch me!" I demanded, wrangling out of his grasp, whipping around one last time. "Don't even be near me. After everything I've heard you say, you still go back to her. And you know what? I hope you have a long and fucking happy life together because if it goes wrong, I won't be there to help you! I feel like a damn joke. You took my help for granted and I can see now I was a temporary thing to make you feel better until you got back home."

I was reaching new levels of anger I'd never felt before. I was pouring out everything inside me and I couldn't stop. Frank actually looked to be on the verge of tears but nothing inside could get me to care.

"You're wrong," he whispered, taking a shaky step forward, his eyes wide in desperation.

"Fuck you, Frank," I growled through gritted teeth, not wanting to hear his voice; it used to bring me peace, but now all it brought was aggravation. I stomped away from Frank, leaving him stunned and trembling if I wasn't mistaken. As far as I was concerned, Frank Iero wasn't my responsibility anymore. I didn't want to have anything to do with him.

I suddenly realized the frustration and general stubborn nature Frank was feeling at the beginning of the tour. He and I weren't together but there was still something there. It felt as if he had cheated on me and I think that's what hurt the most.

"Julie, please wait!" Frank called in desperation, sprinting to block me.

"You never got over her and I'm through with waiting for something that will never happen," I snapped, trying to sidestep around him only to be blocked, kind of like I had done to Frank before he confessed why he was so rude to me. It seemed like so long ago.

"Please, just give me a chance," he implored. I was getting really sick of hearing him say please.

"I tried to give you a chance, Frank." I sighed, once again replaying their encounter in my mind. "I saw the entire thing and you made no effort to get away. I'm not necessarily angry that you talked to her, I'm angry that you kissed her."

"Look, I'm a fucking idiot," he declared loudly, searching my face for some sort of resolution. "Is that what you want to hear?"

"I want to hear why you stayed," I replied, standing my ground instead of trying to run away. I couldn't believe there was still a part of my heart that still wanted to forgive him but I decided to give him a miniscule chance of redemption.

Taken aback by my change in heart, he licked his lips before trying to piece together his thoughts.

"Being with her just threw my life back," he said, blinking several times. "It was as if I were numb and I couldn't really tell what was happening before it happened."

That's sure not what he told Gerard.

I glared at him, not believing myself for giving him another opportunity. He looked at me with frantic eyes, hoping and praying that his explanation was enough to get me to stay.

"Your eye color doesn't suit you."

"Huh?" he uttered in complete confusion, unable to help the stupid expression that formed on his face.

"They should be brown 'cause you're full of shit." I forcibly pushed him out of my way and began walking away but suddenly stopped. "You know, my mother always told me to never walk away from someone angry but I guess mother really doesn't know best. I hope I never see you again."

With that, I started walking again, leaving Frank there broken. He deserved it. I'd always had a policy of leaving things in the same condition I found them- I was introduced to Frank when he was broken so it only made sense to leave him broken.

"Julie, where are you going?" Mikey, who I'd actually forgotten was there, found his voice. I heard his footsteps quickly pad toward me from behind but I didn't stop.

"I'm going to go back to that party and have myself a damn good time," I answered defiantly, my voice still projecting.

"But Julie-" Mikey objected, now at my side in a hurried step, trying to stop and calm me down. With a final stride, he stepped in front of me, which only proved to annoy me.

"What is it, Mikey?" I grumbled, prepared to simply walk around him if he didn't get to the point. I wasn't exactly in the most cooperative mood.

"What exactly...happened?" he asked slowly, looking behind me to where I presume Frank was still standing.

"Why don't you ask the douche bag himself?" I asked jerking a thumb toward Frank. With that, I went past Mikey, ready to unweight myself from all the problems that had arisen. "I'm done," I concluded to him as I shuffled forward, turning around shortly and waving at Mikey. Unintentionally, I saw Frank standing in the background exactly where I'd left him, staring into the distance at nothing, seemingly destroyed.

Good.