Am I More Than You Bargained for Yet?
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Eleven
Three Months Later
Things at Gerard’s has been great. For once in my whole life, I was happy. I was never upset…of course, occasionally Stacey would hang around. To sum her up in five words I would say "Fake, Whore, Bitch, Insensitive and Disrespectful." She’s cheating on Gerard, but I don’t have the heart to tell him. He really does love her.
I’ve finally realized Gerard doesn’t hate me…in the beginning he tried buying my love. He’s bought me many CDs, DVDs and such. I have a cell phone and my own television and computer in my room. But it was when he started buying me things that were pointless that I realized what he was doing. He bought me an iPod that I really didn’t need, I already had a Discman, and that’s all I needed. (A/N: I’m always carrying around a Discman, screw iPods, go old school! Plus, you can’t play a beloved cd on a iPod can you?) Eventually I told him to stop, I didn’t need nor want these things.
I got out of bed and ready for school. Gerard took me ice skating for the first time in the weekend and I wanted to tell Britt and Kory. I ran downstairs with my messenger bag in my hands that held all my school shit in it. Bob was sitting in the kitchen alone reading a magazine, with who else but My Chemical Romance on the cover. I smiled and picked up the Pop Tarts that were in the toaster and kissed him on the cheek.
“Morning Bobert, You driving me to school today?” I asked cheerfully.
“Nope, Ray is.” He said without looking up from the magazine. I smiled. Tori, Ray's girlfriend, then walked in still in her pajama’s. She yawned.
“Rough night?” I asked her.
“Yeah, very rough night, If you know what I mean.” She said with a smirk. I cringed and she laughed before stealing my Pop Tart. She grabbed Ray’s keys from the hook.
“I’ll drop you, Ray’s still exhausted from our...” She started but I put up my hand.
“I don’t want to know.” I said, jumping off the bench and walking to the car.
Throughout the car ride Tori babbled on about her soccer. I rolled my eyes. Typical Tori. She dropped me off and I said goodbye.
I set off toward where me, Kory and Britt would sit, and as I neared I saw that Jennifer was sitting next to Kory. I frowned Jennifer and I didn’t really get on well. Suddenly Kory leaned into her and…he kissed her. I stopped, partly from shock and partly because my heart was shattering. I was so confused.
He’s only kissing her because they're friends, he kisses you on the cheek all the time.
Yeah, that’s why he kissed her on the LIPS.
No, It’s just...
Stop kidding yourself. He just said he was gay because he knew you liked him.
You're right. He lied, but why?
Because, Alex. Who would like someone like you? He just didn’t want to hurt your feelings.
“Alex!” I heard a voice yell. I looked up, it was Kory. Jennifer seemed to have left. I wanted so badly to run but I felt myself go closer.
“Alex, you know Jennifer?” Kory said. I nodded and I’m sure my face was blank.
“I thought you were gay.” I said in a monotone voice.
“No, well not anymore. I still like guys, but Jennifer and me were getting along quite well and she asked me out so I said yes!” he said. He was like a giddy schoolgirl. Usually I would find this cute but I was so hurt.
I felt like something was stuck in my throat and I was on the verge of tears. I couldn’t help it, I couldn’t keep them back much longer. I started to cry. Britt looked at me and got up instantly but Kory was stunned. I couldn’t handle it, I ran. As fast as I could, chucking my bag on the ground. I didn’t stop. I couldn’t stop. I ran until my legs finally gave out, which happened to be right in front of my house. I was so upset, so angry. I wanted it all to end. I wanted to die. I will die. I’ll do it, I’ll kill myself.
I ran into the house and up the stairs. Luckily no one was home. This was it, I was gonna do it. I ran into the bathroom and saw Gerard’s razor sitting there, giving off a dull shine. I grunted. It was too traditional, I wanted something different. I looked into the mirror, tears were pouring down my face.
Was I not good enough? thought to myself but in my rage I screamed it out.
“WAS I NOT GOOD ENOUGH!?!?” I sobbed. I shuddered as I looked at myself in the mirror. I was so pathetic.
“WAS IT MY HAIR?!?!?!” I asked. I started ripping my hair out, fast and ferociously. So clumps of it was missing.
“MY FINGERNAILS?!?!?!” I screamed. In my mad rage I started to pull off my thumb nail but it wasn’t working. I grabbed the razor and slowly started to peel it off. There was so much blood and it hurt so much but I continued until the whole fingernail was off.
“Was it my skin? Was that it?” I asked more desperately. I felt tears flood down my face and before I knew it I plunged face first into the mirror. All I could feel was pain. I wanted it to end…to just go away.
“Or was it just me?” I whispered as I lay on the ground. I was finally going to go.
“Oh God! HELP, GERARD HELP!” I heard someone scream. I looked toward the entrance of the bathroom and saw Ray before everything went black.
Three Months Later
Things at Gerard’s has been great. For once in my whole life, I was happy. I was never upset…of course, occasionally Stacey would hang around. To sum her up in five words I would say "Fake, Whore, Bitch, Insensitive and Disrespectful." She’s cheating on Gerard, but I don’t have the heart to tell him. He really does love her.
I’ve finally realized Gerard doesn’t hate me…in the beginning he tried buying my love. He’s bought me many CDs, DVDs and such. I have a cell phone and my own television and computer in my room. But it was when he started buying me things that were pointless that I realized what he was doing. He bought me an iPod that I really didn’t need, I already had a Discman, and that’s all I needed. (A/N: I’m always carrying around a Discman, screw iPods, go old school! Plus, you can’t play a beloved cd on a iPod can you?) Eventually I told him to stop, I didn’t need nor want these things.
I got out of bed and ready for school. Gerard took me ice skating for the first time in the weekend and I wanted to tell Britt and Kory. I ran downstairs with my messenger bag in my hands that held all my school shit in it. Bob was sitting in the kitchen alone reading a magazine, with who else but My Chemical Romance on the cover. I smiled and picked up the Pop Tarts that were in the toaster and kissed him on the cheek.
“Morning Bobert, You driving me to school today?” I asked cheerfully.
“Nope, Ray is.” He said without looking up from the magazine. I smiled. Tori, Ray's girlfriend, then walked in still in her pajama’s. She yawned.
“Rough night?” I asked her.
“Yeah, very rough night, If you know what I mean.” She said with a smirk. I cringed and she laughed before stealing my Pop Tart. She grabbed Ray’s keys from the hook.
“I’ll drop you, Ray’s still exhausted from our...” She started but I put up my hand.
“I don’t want to know.” I said, jumping off the bench and walking to the car.
Throughout the car ride Tori babbled on about her soccer. I rolled my eyes. Typical Tori. She dropped me off and I said goodbye.
I set off toward where me, Kory and Britt would sit, and as I neared I saw that Jennifer was sitting next to Kory. I frowned Jennifer and I didn’t really get on well. Suddenly Kory leaned into her and…he kissed her. I stopped, partly from shock and partly because my heart was shattering. I was so confused.
He’s only kissing her because they're friends, he kisses you on the cheek all the time.
Yeah, that’s why he kissed her on the LIPS.
No, It’s just...
Stop kidding yourself. He just said he was gay because he knew you liked him.
You're right. He lied, but why?
Because, Alex. Who would like someone like you? He just didn’t want to hurt your feelings.
“Alex!” I heard a voice yell. I looked up, it was Kory. Jennifer seemed to have left. I wanted so badly to run but I felt myself go closer.
“Alex, you know Jennifer?” Kory said. I nodded and I’m sure my face was blank.
“I thought you were gay.” I said in a monotone voice.
“No, well not anymore. I still like guys, but Jennifer and me were getting along quite well and she asked me out so I said yes!” he said. He was like a giddy schoolgirl. Usually I would find this cute but I was so hurt.
I felt like something was stuck in my throat and I was on the verge of tears. I couldn’t help it, I couldn’t keep them back much longer. I started to cry. Britt looked at me and got up instantly but Kory was stunned. I couldn’t handle it, I ran. As fast as I could, chucking my bag on the ground. I didn’t stop. I couldn’t stop. I ran until my legs finally gave out, which happened to be right in front of my house. I was so upset, so angry. I wanted it all to end. I wanted to die. I will die. I’ll do it, I’ll kill myself.
I ran into the house and up the stairs. Luckily no one was home. This was it, I was gonna do it. I ran into the bathroom and saw Gerard’s razor sitting there, giving off a dull shine. I grunted. It was too traditional, I wanted something different. I looked into the mirror, tears were pouring down my face.
Was I not good enough? thought to myself but in my rage I screamed it out.
“WAS I NOT GOOD ENOUGH!?!?” I sobbed. I shuddered as I looked at myself in the mirror. I was so pathetic.
“WAS IT MY HAIR?!?!?!” I asked. I started ripping my hair out, fast and ferociously. So clumps of it was missing.
“MY FINGERNAILS?!?!?!” I screamed. In my mad rage I started to pull off my thumb nail but it wasn’t working. I grabbed the razor and slowly started to peel it off. There was so much blood and it hurt so much but I continued until the whole fingernail was off.
“Was it my skin? Was that it?” I asked more desperately. I felt tears flood down my face and before I knew it I plunged face first into the mirror. All I could feel was pain. I wanted it to end…to just go away.
“Or was it just me?” I whispered as I lay on the ground. I was finally going to go.
“Oh God! HELP, GERARD HELP!” I heard someone scream. I looked toward the entrance of the bathroom and saw Ray before everything went black.