Am I More Than You Bargained for Yet?
Chapter Nineteen
Pain. Its all that I could feel. All over my body. I was so sore. And I couldn’t remember a thing. It hurt to move. It hurt to cry. I couldn’t do anything but lie there. Wherever I was. I racked through my memory…trying to remember. Slowly things came back to me.
The magazine…disappointment in Gerard…something about alcohol…Johnny…Blood.
It all came back like a web torpedo. Johnny had raped me, and I was too fucking drunk to notice. I can’t even believe I even remembered that. I couldn’t feel anything. For the first time in my whole entire life, I was numb. I didn’t want to move, I just wanted to go. Nothing mattered. Not myself, not Gerard, not Britt, not Kyle, not Johnny, not Rachael. No one mattered. I just didn’t care anymore.
With all the energy I had, I sat up in the dirt. I felt a small tinge of pain but I was too numb to notice. I got up, pulling my pants along the way, not bothering to wipe off my dried blood. I walked slowly toward the Mental Heath Center. I managed to get there unnoticed. I walked in the showers and stripped. Blood was all over my hair, face, and body. The worst part was I wasn’t even sure I knew where the blood was coming from.
I turned on the shower and hopped in, not waiting for it to warm up. The water pounding against my chest felt refreshing, but with that came all the pain. The numbness was wearing off and I slumped to the floor, just letting the water run washing off all of the blood. So much hurt…the worst I had ever felt. Why did this shit happen? Why me?
I found myself getting angry…and tired. So very tired and exhausted. My eyelids were heavy…What was wrong? I looked down and saw blood, lots of blood. It combined with the water making a swirl of pink while disappearing down the drain.
The last thing I heard before I passed out was a scream.
The magazine…disappointment in Gerard…something about alcohol…Johnny…Blood.
It all came back like a web torpedo. Johnny had raped me, and I was too fucking drunk to notice. I can’t even believe I even remembered that. I couldn’t feel anything. For the first time in my whole entire life, I was numb. I didn’t want to move, I just wanted to go. Nothing mattered. Not myself, not Gerard, not Britt, not Kyle, not Johnny, not Rachael. No one mattered. I just didn’t care anymore.
With all the energy I had, I sat up in the dirt. I felt a small tinge of pain but I was too numb to notice. I got up, pulling my pants along the way, not bothering to wipe off my dried blood. I walked slowly toward the Mental Heath Center. I managed to get there unnoticed. I walked in the showers and stripped. Blood was all over my hair, face, and body. The worst part was I wasn’t even sure I knew where the blood was coming from.
I turned on the shower and hopped in, not waiting for it to warm up. The water pounding against my chest felt refreshing, but with that came all the pain. The numbness was wearing off and I slumped to the floor, just letting the water run washing off all of the blood. So much hurt…the worst I had ever felt. Why did this shit happen? Why me?
I found myself getting angry…and tired. So very tired and exhausted. My eyelids were heavy…What was wrong? I looked down and saw blood, lots of blood. It combined with the water making a swirl of pink while disappearing down the drain.
The last thing I heard before I passed out was a scream.