Am I More Than You Bargained for Yet?
Chapter Three
Chapter Three
“YOUR DAD IS GERARD WAY!?!?!” Kory screamed at me. I sighed.
“No, Kory. I don’t know whether it’s him or not. I’m going to meet them both tomorrow where Gerard Way and Cody Matthews can get there DNA tested.” I told him, a bit frustrated.
“Well, If he just so happens to be your dad…Can I meet him? Perhaps get a few autographs and stuff?” He asked slyly. I rolled my eyes but smiled and gave him a small nod. He gave me a toothy grin before bounding away, skipping like the little girl he acted like. I sighed.
“You know, you should tell him how you feel.” Britt said, finally looking up from her newly painted toenails.
“What do you mean ‘Tell him how I feel’, he’s gay for crying out loud. Having a girl crush on you when your gay? Let's just say it's bound not to turn out pretty.” I said to Britt. Yes, having a crush on your guy best friend wasn’t a good thing.
“Oh come on, He might not be gay!” She said brightly, getting up off her bed and sitting next to me on the mattress that lay on the floor. I gave her a look as if to say ‘As if!” before going to get changed into my pajama’s. My cool as Poke’mon p.j bottoms and an old baggy t-shirt. By the time I was finished Kory was back in the room sitting on the mattress. He smiled at me before getting up and giving me a hug.
“I better go home now.” he whispered in my ear. I nodded.
“I’ll be here tomorrow morning. And again, I’m sorry about your mom.” he said sincerely.
“Thanks, Kory.” I said letting go. He gave me a cute smile before dashing out the door. There was a moment of silence.
“You so got it bad for him.” Britt said. I rolled my eyes and smiled before getting into my blankets.
“Night Britters.” I said quietly, turning off the lamp light.
“Night Allie.” She said just as quietly.
“You know this was all your fault.” A voice said to me. I looked around. I was back in my kitchen at home. Blood and fragments of flesh was everywhere. I looked at the table. And there was my mom. Her head blown apart, her eyes looking blank and full of no life. Her body started to move and her lifeless gaze turned toward me.
“You ruined everything.” She said, slowly getting up, grabbing the gun that was lying next to her.
“You deserve to die!” She said cocking the gun and pulling the trigger…
I opened my eyes wide in shock and looked around me. My heart was beating at a alarmingly high speed and my breathing was rough and ragged.
“Just a dream.” I told myself. Reassuring I was still alive. But then a feeling of heaviness started to overcome the one of relief.
I did deserve to die. I was nothing anyway. It’s not as if I’d be a great loss. I deserved to die. I got up and looked at Britt’s alarm clock.
'4:32 AM' it read. I could do it. I could kill myself right now and no one would find me for a couple of hours. I could do it. I will do it.
I snuck out of my bed and entered the bathroom. Looking into the mirror I scolded. I was so ugly. Except for my eyes. I loved my eyes. Everyone did. The way the purple and the blue mixed in together, it was brilliant. But that wasn’t what I was looking at. It was my skin; I had many scars over my arms. Not because of cutting, I’d always thought about starting that up but never had the guts to. The scars are from me being frustrated and itching my skin so much that it bleeds. I do the same with my hair, I tug on it till it comes out, but because my hair is so thick you hardly notice that. I was also fat. Meh, I’d probably look half alright if I wasn’t so fat, but when does anything ever go my way. You would think that was all but no, it wasn’t just my looks I hated. It was me. I was an awful person, just like my mother. I’m a liar, a fake. I cheat. I steal. I’m selfish and stupid. Pathetic and weak. I’m a horrible person. And I needed to end that. Killing myself would make the world better, it’s a good cause.
I started searching the bathroom for something sharp, or pills but found nothing. I started to panic, getting frantic and looked places I knew I wouldn’t find something sharp. I saw a vase and looked around before smashing it against the floor, making a loud crash. I reached down, grabbing a large shard of it and was about to plunge it into my wrist when…
“Alex? What are you doing?” I looked up and saw Britt wiping the sleep out of her eye.
“Nothing. Sorry, I accidentally broke the vase.” I said quickly, hiding the large shard of glass behind my back.
“Don’t worry about it, I’ll clean It up tomorrow” She said before ushering me outside the bathroom. I sighed.
I had nearly done it…I was nearly there, But I now have to endure another fucking day.
When will this end?
“YOUR DAD IS GERARD WAY!?!?!” Kory screamed at me. I sighed.
“No, Kory. I don’t know whether it’s him or not. I’m going to meet them both tomorrow where Gerard Way and Cody Matthews can get there DNA tested.” I told him, a bit frustrated.
“Well, If he just so happens to be your dad…Can I meet him? Perhaps get a few autographs and stuff?” He asked slyly. I rolled my eyes but smiled and gave him a small nod. He gave me a toothy grin before bounding away, skipping like the little girl he acted like. I sighed.
“You know, you should tell him how you feel.” Britt said, finally looking up from her newly painted toenails.
“What do you mean ‘Tell him how I feel’, he’s gay for crying out loud. Having a girl crush on you when your gay? Let's just say it's bound not to turn out pretty.” I said to Britt. Yes, having a crush on your guy best friend wasn’t a good thing.
“Oh come on, He might not be gay!” She said brightly, getting up off her bed and sitting next to me on the mattress that lay on the floor. I gave her a look as if to say ‘As if!” before going to get changed into my pajama’s. My cool as Poke’mon p.j bottoms and an old baggy t-shirt. By the time I was finished Kory was back in the room sitting on the mattress. He smiled at me before getting up and giving me a hug.
“I better go home now.” he whispered in my ear. I nodded.
“I’ll be here tomorrow morning. And again, I’m sorry about your mom.” he said sincerely.
“Thanks, Kory.” I said letting go. He gave me a cute smile before dashing out the door. There was a moment of silence.
“You so got it bad for him.” Britt said. I rolled my eyes and smiled before getting into my blankets.
“Night Britters.” I said quietly, turning off the lamp light.
“Night Allie.” She said just as quietly.
“You know this was all your fault.” A voice said to me. I looked around. I was back in my kitchen at home. Blood and fragments of flesh was everywhere. I looked at the table. And there was my mom. Her head blown apart, her eyes looking blank and full of no life. Her body started to move and her lifeless gaze turned toward me.
“You ruined everything.” She said, slowly getting up, grabbing the gun that was lying next to her.
“You deserve to die!” She said cocking the gun and pulling the trigger…
I opened my eyes wide in shock and looked around me. My heart was beating at a alarmingly high speed and my breathing was rough and ragged.
“Just a dream.” I told myself. Reassuring I was still alive. But then a feeling of heaviness started to overcome the one of relief.
I did deserve to die. I was nothing anyway. It’s not as if I’d be a great loss. I deserved to die. I got up and looked at Britt’s alarm clock.
'4:32 AM' it read. I could do it. I could kill myself right now and no one would find me for a couple of hours. I could do it. I will do it.
I snuck out of my bed and entered the bathroom. Looking into the mirror I scolded. I was so ugly. Except for my eyes. I loved my eyes. Everyone did. The way the purple and the blue mixed in together, it was brilliant. But that wasn’t what I was looking at. It was my skin; I had many scars over my arms. Not because of cutting, I’d always thought about starting that up but never had the guts to. The scars are from me being frustrated and itching my skin so much that it bleeds. I do the same with my hair, I tug on it till it comes out, but because my hair is so thick you hardly notice that. I was also fat. Meh, I’d probably look half alright if I wasn’t so fat, but when does anything ever go my way. You would think that was all but no, it wasn’t just my looks I hated. It was me. I was an awful person, just like my mother. I’m a liar, a fake. I cheat. I steal. I’m selfish and stupid. Pathetic and weak. I’m a horrible person. And I needed to end that. Killing myself would make the world better, it’s a good cause.
I started searching the bathroom for something sharp, or pills but found nothing. I started to panic, getting frantic and looked places I knew I wouldn’t find something sharp. I saw a vase and looked around before smashing it against the floor, making a loud crash. I reached down, grabbing a large shard of it and was about to plunge it into my wrist when…
“Alex? What are you doing?” I looked up and saw Britt wiping the sleep out of her eye.
“Nothing. Sorry, I accidentally broke the vase.” I said quickly, hiding the large shard of glass behind my back.
“Don’t worry about it, I’ll clean It up tomorrow” She said before ushering me outside the bathroom. I sighed.
I had nearly done it…I was nearly there, But I now have to endure another fucking day.
When will this end?