Your Heart in My Hands

John didn't even attempt to look at me for the rest of the game. I got so uncomfortable with the silence that I just decided to go back to the van and spend the rest of the night on my computer. At least my laptop won't glare at me.

Tina offered to leave Pat and leave with me but I abruptly said no. She shouldn't have to deplete her time with the one that she loves just to see me sulk in the van.

The truth is... I cried myself to sleep with my head resting up against the cool window glass. The pain that shot through my heart tore me apart. John probably hates me now. That's the number one opinion and possibly fact on my list. Then again, I am being pessimistic.

I closed my eyes tightly as the others climbed back onto the van. It didn't surprise me that John sat as far away from me as possible. He closed and opened his eyes as he placed his head back, tilting it towards the window and away from me.

Kennedy sat in between us and adjusted a soft blanket around me. I cracked open my eyes and smiled to him. He grinned back and kissed my forehead. Just as he pulled away, he whispered, "Don't you mind John one bit."

I pulled him back, "You try ignoring the one you're in love with and tell me that it's easy." I whispered back to him.

He grimaced. John shot him a look and started to drown out everything by messing around on his laptop. Kennedy sat back in his seat and closed his eyes. I had to give him credit. No one would dare sit in between the two people that are fighting.

Wait--why is he mad at me? It was a dare, for crying out loud! I had to kiss Alex! So...why do I feel so guilty about it?

I decided to give up the sleeping act and turn on my laptop. I signed on Myspace, low and behold that John was online.

I signed on to my alias account. Yes, I do have an alias account. I knew that he would be checking his messages and answering questions. I conjured up what I wanted to know.

I started my message-

John,

I'm a hopeless romantic. I feel like I've been falling for one too many people. I was just wondering... Have you ever been in love?

</3

I stared at the screen, waiting for something to happen. I took a deep breath.

New Messages!

My heart stopped. I opened my inbox. John had replied-

Yes, I have been. I am right now.

I bit my lip as the moisture gathered behind my eyes. I couldn't let him see me cry. Who was he in love with? Who could be breaking his heart so easily? Is it...me?

I replied-

Does she know?

It was so short yet so simple.

He replied faster than I had expected-

I don't think she does. I don't think think she ever will. She doesn't care.

I became frustrated with myself for starting the first message-

Why wouldn't she care?

He replied-

I don't think she's interested anymore.

I glanced in his direction. He stared intently at the screen. I began to type again-

Anymore? Why would you think that? That seems pretty far-fetched for her to just change her mind like that.

John-

I just waited too long to tell her.

Me-

You don't know that.

John-

Why do you care?

I stared at the screen. I honestly couldn't answer that last question. Why did I care? I should hate him right now for over-reacting like this.

New Messages!

-

Dry your tears. You're making it too obvious to him.

<3
Garrett

I looked to the front seat. Garrett flashed me a warm smile. He was right. I can't let this get to me.