Your Heart in My Hands

When we arrived at the next venue, I spilled blood, sweat, and tears in an attempt to work my ass off just to get into John's good graces again. I was trying to reach a candy bar at the end of the hallway while running on a tread mill. In other words, I knew that would get me no where.

Pat and Kennedy smiled at me shyly whenever I passed by them, carrying two amps in hand at the same time. They offered to help numerous times. I turned them all down. I didn't wantJohn anyone to think I was slacking.

Alex would blush as he watched me work. He walked up to me casually, "Deee, can we talk?"

I sighed and put down the two guitars I was lugging around, "Sure. What is it, Alex?"

He ruffled his hair, "I just--You really like John, don't you?"

The sweat pooled on the edge of my lip. I shook my head and picked up the guitars again, "What makes you think that?" I said as I placed them down on the stand that was to be rolled on stage.

I made my way back outside to get Garrett's extra bass and the spare microphones for John. He pulled me back inside an empty room, "Stop working and listen to me." He said abruptly.

I folded my arms across my chest, "What?"

He sighed, "I'm sorry."

I scoffed, "About what exactly?"

He face grew red, "About the dare!"

"What about the dare?!" I became frustrated.

He sighed once more, "I... I asked Jack and Derek to dare you to kiss me."

I glared at him behind tears, "What--Why? Why would you do that?" I tangled my fingers in my hair as my eyeliner began to streak down my face.

He put his hands on my shoulders, "Please, don't cry. I-I'll do anything, just don't cry."

I thrust my hands down, pushing his to his sides, "How can I not cry? Y-you ruined my friendship with John!"

Sure, I felt the guilt from yelling at Alex. Anyone would, even if he did deserve it. And believe me, he deserved it.

He looked to his feet, "I just thought that if you and I kissed, even if it was for a dare, well, I don't know. I kind of thought you would fall for me."

I took a deep breath, "Alex, I--"

"Please, just let me finish."

I breathed in calmly, "I'm listening."

"I thought that it would work, you know? Like the first kiss always tells the truth behind it. But when I saw the way you looked at John. Or the way he couldn't stand being in the room during the dare, I realized that your heart was already taken. And that I couldn't get it back, no matter what I did." His words became fainter and fainter each time he got further into his lament.

I smeared the the gray clouded tears from my face, "Did you ever bother even thinking that maybe if you just asked me out for some coffee, that I could have possibly fallen for you instead of John?"

He didn't respond.

I sighed, "I've been chasing after John for many a year. No matter what I do to woo him over, he'd just shrug it off and go back to acting just like we were nothing more than friends. Even if it was an intimate moment, a moment that would make him realize that I loved him, he'd let it pass over his head. So, hear I stand, watching hopeless fans and posers trying to steal a kiss from him at every fucking concert. And every time, a single needle gets plunged into my aching heart. I'm sure by now my heart looks like and old, beat up, and over-used voodoo doll."

He chuckled, "I never realized you were so deep."

I rolled my eyes, "Way to ruin the depressing moment, douche."

He pulled me into a hug. He whispered, "I am so sorry. I just made this whole dilemma even harder for you, didn't I?"

"Kinda," I sniffled into his hoodie.

He tightened his grip on me. Just as he did, the door opened.

"Erm, sorry. I thought Garrett was in here."

I looked to the speaker. John stood there with an innocent face, "John, I--"

"Save it, Kyra. You might as well have fun with your new boyfriend before the Alex-obsessed fans pull you into the mosh pit." He slammed the door with an angry face.

I let go of Alex and ran for the door, "John!"

The door slammed in my face. I slumped to the floor, just staring at the door where he departed.

"Don't leave me," I whispered with my quivering voice.