Till The End Of Time

Red. I saw red. Bright light was burning through my eyelids and I was afraid to open them. I felt weightless, like I was a feather being carried by the wind. It wasn't the wind that was carrying me though...

Slowly, I opened my eyes. The light wasn't as bright as I thought it would be; it didn't hurt. After my eyes focused, I took time to take in my surroundings. The sky...it was such a pale blue. Puffy white clouds were scattered across it, and I watched, oddly captivated, as a blackbird flew all alone among the treetops. At first, the only noise I heard was the song it was singing, and each note echoed all around me. Then, I heard someone laugh right by my ear. Because I was so at ease, this didn't startle me at all. My head turned and I was met with a pair of eyes as deep and fathomless as a never ending ocean. To anyone else, these enchanting orbs would have been so mysterious and searching, but I knew everything about these eyes. I knew how they twinkled with mischief, how they seemed to glow when they were filled with tears, how they made you wonder what hid behind them, how they were so filled with trust and put you at ease. They were my eyes. No...they weren't my eyes, I realized after a moment. They were his.

I took in the rest of his face. It was perfect and undamaged. He was smiling, of course. My eyes scanned over the little constellation of freckles that went up the right side of his face, his long eyelashes, his short, dark-brown hair that was always messy. He waited patiently and knowingly as I took in the sight of him, and he seemed to know I was going to tackle him before even I did. Tears of joy slipped from the corners of my eyes and soaked his shirt. His hands rubbed soothing circles on my back and he breathed into my hair. I had to see his face again.

Although my vision was clouded, it didn't matter. He was there- right in front of me. I laughed and he smiled in return. "I-I missed you s-so much!" I heard his heart beating in his chest, his laugh reverberating in the space around us. He was there- all of him. Sitting up and wiping away the wetness on my cheeks, the excitement I felt couldn't be contained. I lifted my hand to touch him, but hesitated, looking at him. He nodded and I ran my fingers through his soft hair. We both smiled. I tried to say something, but my throat closed up and I couldn't breath. I tried again. "I-" But I didn't go any further. I wouldn't let tears of sorrow taint this happy moment.

"Ssh, ssh. It's okay," he whispered softly, wiping away new tears and holding my chin. "I know."

I drew in a shaky breath and swallowed. "Jer, I love you so much." My lip started to tremble, but I stopped it. "H-how are you here? Am..am I in Heaven?"

Jeremy looked up at the sky. "I don't think so..."

"But you di..you die-" I took another breath to calm myself. "I killed myself."

Jeremy looked at me again and his hand let go of my chin. His eyebrows pulled together and up at the middle like they always did when he was concerned, and his eyes stirred with emotion. "I know," he whispered. "You shouldn't have done that-"

"But!"

"-you're stronger than that."

"I was so lonely. You have no idea what things were like while you were gone. Life isn't the same when your not there."

He brought me in for another hug. "Listen, I love you, okay? I love you more than anything. All I've ever wanted was for my sister to be happy. If you were happy, then I was happy." He kissed the top of my head, just like he always did before. "I never stopped living, Jay. You kept me alive. As soon as I died, I was reborn. I saw life in a new light...I saw it-" He pulled me away so he could look me in the eye. "I saw life through your eyes. Every breath you took, every single beat of your heart- I was with you." He smiled softly, looked down, then back up. "And I always will be."

A frown tugged at the corners of my mouth. "Wait, what? I thought I was staying with you." My brother didn't answer me. "Jeremy! Tell me that this is heaven and everything is going to be okay." He looked up, but not directly at me. "Tell me that there's no more night. Tell me that I'm not alone anymore. Jeremy!"

He looked me straight in the eye, and it felt as if he'd reached out and touched my soul. I gasped. "You're not alone anymore." It sounded like his voice was being carried away on the wind. The melodic sound whirled around me and caressed me with the breeze that suddenly brushed past us. It wasn't until then that I realized we were sitting beneath my favorite willow tree by the lake. "You have to go back now. It's not your time, yet."

"I love you. Jeremy?"

"You're not alone anymore."

And then his arms wrapped around me, making me feel safe, just like they always did. His touch turned feather light and I felt like I was floating. I opened my eyes to look at him and he was smiling brightly. Light seemed to emit from his soul and my own was filled with warmth. And he had wings. Beautiful wings were carrying me up into the sky, and we were flying. Just like the blackbird, who wasn't mourning, but was a promise, I was flying. And the light around me grew and grew until I couldn't see anything else.

*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*

I was smiling. I could feel it. I sighed. Why did it feel like I was breathing for the first time? I heard something in the distance, but I couldn't comprehend it. I tried to open my eyes. My body felt so weak; I felt like a newborn child. My eyelids felt so heavy. Try again. It felt like it took all of my strength, but I managed to open them. Everything was so blurry that I could hardly see. Now, all I wanted to do was sleep. My ears strained to listen to the voice in the distance.

It was breathing. And they looked into my unfocused eyes. I had to say something. "I..have...wings, Jer."

All I heard was an amazed, "Oh, thank God!" It sounded so far away. I wanted to reach out and find them, whoever it was. I was so weak, so tired, though. My hand fell limp at my side and I tumbled back into a world of dreams.