Fathers
"Just Go."
Frank nodded and Mikey looked back at me for what seemed like ages. He then gave a deep, heavy sigh.
“You could have told me.” he said. “Either of you.”
“Are you mad?” I asked him. Mikey paused for a moment then shook his head.
“No. You can explain everything to me later though. Now I think you and Frank should have some alone time with your daughter.” Mikey then gave a weird little smirk “That sounds so weird. But nice.” he smiled at me, then Frank, and left, with Gerard following him.
Frank came and sat down in the chair Mikey had been sat in and looked at me and the baby.
“You really haven’t thought of any names?” he asked me.
“Well, yeah, but I don’t think they suit her.”
“Ok.” Frank said bluntly.
“Have you thought of any names for her?”
“A few. But I don’t think you’d like them.”
And there it was again. That awkward, familiar silence. Just like after I’d told Frank I was pregnant. Ha, I’d been soo stupid when I found out. I’d been soo childish about it. I thought it was like a fairytale. I thought once I’d told Frank, he would hold me tightly then ask me to marry him. He’d tell Bob and Ray about us and demand that they’d be ok with it. And they would be. And when the baby was born we’d all be one big happy family, it would be perfect.
It was nothing like that. After I’d told Frank, he was silent. He said nothing for about 25 minutes then said ‘how?’ That one word, just that one word had nearly made me sick. How could he have said ‘how?’? I can’t exactly remember all of this conversation, because I was soo fucking angry at Frank, but I remember we decided that we were just unlucky one night. I wasn’t on the pill (and refused to take it, I still refuse to take it in fact) and the condom just didn’t work. We knew it was a tiny percentage, but it happened on Friends, so why couldn’t it happen to us?
After that, it all fucked up. Soo badly. The sneaky kisses in the corridor stopped, Frank stopped brushing his arm over a part of my body when he passed me in the corridor. He stopped coming over as often. Eventually we even stopped hugging each other. I’d actually stopped calling him ‘Frankie’. Anything that showed we remotely cared for each other stopped.
Nobody really cared. Well, except Mikey. He’d mentioned a few times that me and Frank didn’t talk as much, well now at least he knew why. Gerard actually seemed happy that we weren’t speaking to each other. Bob didn’t notice much nowadays. I couldn’t blame him though.
I looked at Frank and saw that he couldn’t even look at our baby. His eyes were fixed on the floor.
“You don’t love me anymore, do you?”
I’d done it. I’d broken the silence with the question I needed to know the answer to soo badly.
Frank opened his mouth, but no noise came out. He finally managed to mumble ‘I don’t know.’
“Just go Frank. Come back when you know.”
“You could have told me.” he said. “Either of you.”
“Are you mad?” I asked him. Mikey paused for a moment then shook his head.
“No. You can explain everything to me later though. Now I think you and Frank should have some alone time with your daughter.” Mikey then gave a weird little smirk “That sounds so weird. But nice.” he smiled at me, then Frank, and left, with Gerard following him.
Frank came and sat down in the chair Mikey had been sat in and looked at me and the baby.
“You really haven’t thought of any names?” he asked me.
“Well, yeah, but I don’t think they suit her.”
“Ok.” Frank said bluntly.
“Have you thought of any names for her?”
“A few. But I don’t think you’d like them.”
And there it was again. That awkward, familiar silence. Just like after I’d told Frank I was pregnant. Ha, I’d been soo stupid when I found out. I’d been soo childish about it. I thought it was like a fairytale. I thought once I’d told Frank, he would hold me tightly then ask me to marry him. He’d tell Bob and Ray about us and demand that they’d be ok with it. And they would be. And when the baby was born we’d all be one big happy family, it would be perfect.
It was nothing like that. After I’d told Frank, he was silent. He said nothing for about 25 minutes then said ‘how?’ That one word, just that one word had nearly made me sick. How could he have said ‘how?’? I can’t exactly remember all of this conversation, because I was soo fucking angry at Frank, but I remember we decided that we were just unlucky one night. I wasn’t on the pill (and refused to take it, I still refuse to take it in fact) and the condom just didn’t work. We knew it was a tiny percentage, but it happened on Friends, so why couldn’t it happen to us?
After that, it all fucked up. Soo badly. The sneaky kisses in the corridor stopped, Frank stopped brushing his arm over a part of my body when he passed me in the corridor. He stopped coming over as often. Eventually we even stopped hugging each other. I’d actually stopped calling him ‘Frankie’. Anything that showed we remotely cared for each other stopped.
Nobody really cared. Well, except Mikey. He’d mentioned a few times that me and Frank didn’t talk as much, well now at least he knew why. Gerard actually seemed happy that we weren’t speaking to each other. Bob didn’t notice much nowadays. I couldn’t blame him though.
I looked at Frank and saw that he couldn’t even look at our baby. His eyes were fixed on the floor.
“You don’t love me anymore, do you?”
I’d done it. I’d broken the silence with the question I needed to know the answer to soo badly.
Frank opened his mouth, but no noise came out. He finally managed to mumble ‘I don’t know.’
“Just go Frank. Come back when you know.”