We Need No Introduction

“You do know that I won’t leave you alone until you agree to do something with me, since I’m bored,” Bam said.

“Go read a book.”

“But I don’t wanna!” he whined. I looked at him, a glare messing with my vision as I turned up the music. Bam reached over and turned it down, the little shit.

“What the hell?”

“I want you to do something with me.”

“What?” I groaned, letting my head fall against the wall.

“It’s nothing bad!” he tried to reason. “We’re just going to disturb the peace and will probably get arrested.”

I rolled my eyes. “Bam, I’m not going to do anything that has a chance of getting arrested. You know how my record it now.”

“Clean as a whistle.”

“Yes, and I plan to keep it that way. I wouldn’t survive in jail.”

“Aww… poor Blair in jail with no makeup or hair products.”

I punched him as hard as I could in the arm. “Bull shit. I’d be fine without the eyeliner. It’d be the women trying to rape me.”

“Oh, so you’re saying you’re not the type of chick who wouldn’t get with another girl, even to turn a guy on?”

“Exactly. Strictly dickly.”

Bam laughed, closing my laptop, in turn sending it to sleep. He grabbed my arm and pulled me with him.

“Get off me!” I said as he pulled me downstairs. Jimmy, Matt, Ryan and Johnny K were there talking with Leana. I huffed. Since Johnny K and Ryan were there, I knew something was going to happen. “What’s going on?”

“Hey Blair!” Ryan said, putting his arm around me as I managed to get away from Bam and cross my arms.

“Hey,” I replied. “So tell me what’s going on.”

“There’s a square full of protesters of skateboarding downtown,” Johnny started.

“What’s that have to do with me?” I asked.

“You can skate,” Bam started in.

“And?” I still wasn’t getting their point.

“We’re going to hold true to their stereotypes,” Bam said smugly, relaxed on my Mom’s white cloth couch. He does one thing to hurt it and the blame will be on me. “We’re going to go down their, you and me, and we’re going to destroy shit, skate on everything and badmouth the world.”

“Then why are these guys here?” I asked.

“We wanna see it,” Matt said with a laugh. “Ryan’s gonna tape it.”

I pulled Ryan’s arm off me. “For shits and giggles?” I asked him.

“You got it babe.”

“Bam, if I get arrested for this, you’re dead.”

“Got it. Let’s go.”

I grabbed my skateboard from beside the front door and followed the crowd out. We all filed in Jimmy’s kidnapper van and took off for this protest. I wasn’t as in to skateboarding as Bam was. I’ve been doing it a few years and know some things, but that’s about it.

“Leana…” I whined to my sister. Leana looked at me with a smile. “Don’t give me that look.”

Leana laughed as she turned her body at me from the passenger’s seat. “What?”

I pointed to Ryan who had the camera in my face. “He’s filming me already and we’re not even there yet.”

“Oh, c’mon. Say something for the camera,” Ryan said messing with a button. I knew he was zooming in.

“Something for the camera.”

“You know you love us,” Bam said. I turned in my seat and looked at him.

“You are very funny.”

“Hey Leana,” Johnny called.

“Yeah?” she asked.

“Is Blair’s period due?”

Howls of laughter filled the car and I just shrunk in my seat. Why was I even friends with these guys? They are so immature.

“Don’t ask me that, I don’t know!” Leana whined from beside Jimmy.

I started humming ‘All My Friends Are Dead,’ by Turbonegro on the spur of the moment and smiled to myself.

All my friends are dead…
All my friends are dead…
They got kicked in the head
All my friends are dead

The song fitted perfect for the moment.

“What’re you so happy about?” Johnny asked me.

“The fact that one day you numb nuts is eventually going to die,” I replied with a smile.

“Hey, Lee, I think your sister is planning their murder,” Jimmy said.

I only laughed, looking out the window. “How far away are we?”

“A few minutes,” Matt replied.

And in a few minutes, we were at our destination. Protestors lined the streets with signs saying ‘KEEP SKATING OUT OF PENNSYLVANIA!!’ ‘SKATING = BAD YOUTH’ It was horrible. They were chanting, well some were, and others sat there holding these signs along the main street.

“Ready?” Bam asked me.

I shrugged. “I guess.”

Everyone else stayed in the van as Ryan filmed our adventure, and possibly our arrest. I stepped out of the van with Bam and our boards and stood in front of the crowd holding it to my side. They just stared at us, expecting the mayhem that was about to ensue.

“Just walk away like you’re not going to do anything,” Bam whispered in my ear. I nodded and followed him to the side of a building, away from the crowd.

“So what’s the plan?” I asked.

“We’re gonna state in, ollie over some people, do tricks around them and take some of their signs.”

I took a deep breath and let it out, looking the direction of the crowd. My sight then focused on Bam. He was overly pumped for this, I could tell.

“Let’s go,” I said, jumping on my board. I gained speed toward the crowd, going as fast as I could. Bam was hot on my heels and would crash into me if I didn’t speed up.

“Hurry up!” Bam said.

“I’m going as fast as I can! You slow down!”

I heard Bam grumble and as soon as I saw him, I ollied over the person laying down on the ground asleep and into the street. Gasps were heard from some protestors, and I picked up whispers of ‘They’re retaliating!’ I saw Bam doing more than me. He was yanking the signs and bashing the hard ones against the wall, and ripping the paper ones. I decided to do the same. I then did a few tricks around them, the sight just begging them to call the police.

Which someone did.

Luckily, I heard the phone call before they were in sight. I motioned for Bam, the sign of ‘We need to go, NOW!’ He nodded and followed me away from the van. Like hell we’d go there in front of everyone. They’d tell the cops the van information.

“That was pointless.” I said to Bam when we were in the cover of an alleyway.

Bam scoffed and rolled his eyes. “It totally had a point.” He looked around the building. “Oh shit!” he exclaimed, and grabbed my hand. We started running full speed in the opposite way.

“What the fuck?!” I screamed.

“Cops! Not shut the hell up!” Bam stopped for a minute, us reaching Wal-Mart. We ran in and went to a random location. He quickly reached inside his pocket and grabbed his cell phone. “Jimmy, come pick us up at Wal-Mart, man.” He shut the phone and looked around.

“Like I said, Margera, you better not get me arrested.”

He laughed and shook his head. “I won’t. We need to ditch these boards. Bam led me quickly to the dog food section of the store. “Put it behind these big bags.” I nodded, mimicking his movement. We walked around the store casually, even passing those cops a few times.

They didn’t know it was us.

But for the cops following us, Bam was still getting his payback.