The Cynical Prince

'You always had bad timing...'

When you look back at your life you think about everything you've ever done. The choices you've made, the mistakes, the bad times, the good times, the laughter, and the tears.

You think about everything, well at least I do. I think about what could have been, what never really was.

Like Dean and I.

We never really were. We were lost in some sort of dance that neither of us knew the steps to but tried our hardest to make it work.

I was constantly lost within myself as a teenager. Never really knowing who I was, who I was truly meant to be. I wanted to be so many things but once I had Tagan that all disappeared. I don't regret it, I love my son. However, I guess I wanted to find myself as a woman first before I found myself as a mother.

It all worked out pretty well in the end. Or so it would seem. Sure, I've lost my husband and my son is so young without a father but we've managed to deal with it.

Sometimes when I think back on Andrew I think of all the problems he caused me. How much we fought from the beginning just to be together. Him never really wanting to be with me at first, but somehow I pushed it. I pushed it and I won.

I won at a bad time though. Dean was there, Dean was so willing to love me when Andrew wanted to be left alone. I would always compare the two whenever Andrew and me had a fight. Which was a lot. It wasn't right to compare, I never said it aloud, everyone is different and has their flaws, but that's what you deal with what you learn to love no matter how much you hate it.

Andrew always made it seem like it was my fault, the reason why we fought. Maybe it was, but I remember being hurt so many times, dealing with ex-girlfriends and my insecurities. Andrew never really did give me a reason to trust him but my heart just wanted to be wrapped up in his half truths and lies. It killed me to know that I was so attached to a person like that because I was always so independent, I didn't know how to show dependency.

I didn't truly understand the meaning, and I would always get yelled at for it. My small habits that would annoy Andrew was something we always fought about it. Him telling me I would make a huge storm out of a glass of water. I'm a girl with issues, he had to expect something, right?

This is what I would sit and do. Try and remember what I hated about Andrew. What I couldn't stand, why? Because it was the only way, I could keep myself from crying every time I saw his picture or his guitar in the back of my closet. I haven't even picked up my own since he passed away.

I tried to forget that he took care of me, he loved me even though he would complain about me, which he put up with me for so long. I tried to forget the times he's taken me in to remember the times he's left me out in the cold. It was so hard to hate someone and love them so much at the same time. I guess this was why Dean meant so much to me even though I never really told him or made it clear. Dean always just sat there and took whatever I threw at him. Sure, some of it wasn't on purpose but he was like a mountain you couldn't move him even if you tried. He always blamed himself for me not being able to just say, "Let's be together." He tried to make it his fault, like he wasn't enough. Dean was more than enough, always will be.

Dean just always had bad timing. I was always a mess.

"I'm home!" I shouted as I walked through the front door and saw Dean jump up from the couch, startled. I laughed and shook my head placing my purse down on the counter and shutting the door.

"Hey, how'd it go?" I smiled and walked over to the couch sitting next to Dean.

"Good. How'd it go with you?" He rubbed at his face to wake himself up while mumbling, "Fine I guess."

"It's only 1 do you want to do something?" Dean looked at the clock and then shrugged his shoulders.

"Sure." He stood up and walked over to the coat wrack to get his coat and I stood up following him taking my purse from the counter.

"Where shall we go?" Dean asked with a smile. I looked up at him and said, "the park." He raised an eyebrow at me and then nodded his head holding the door open for me.

"To the park it is." We walked out, made our way to the park not too far away from my apartment building, and began our journey forth.

It was an hour into our walked, we were deep within the park in the wood area, and I climbed up onto a rather large tree trunk that had fallen. It was like a huge bench that you had to climb up to get sits on.

"Dean?" He looked up at me as he followed me up on the trunk and sat next to me.

"Yea?" I bit my lip nervous at what I was about to ask.

"Why'd you ask if you could kiss me, if you have a girlfriend?" Dean looked at me shocked definitely not expecting that. He scratched at the back of his head and smiled at me.

"I don't have a girlfriend, Alessa." I looked at him confused, remembering the girl that was all over him at the bar. Discussing this with Genieve. I told her my entire situation with Dean. She was shocked but was glad that I had a man in my life. I thought she was crazy. I was too scared to have Dean in my life.

What if I lost him too?

"What about that girl at the bar? The one who was all over you."

"Oh, that girl. She's no one really. Just someone that I know and the guys wanted to bring her so that I wouldn't feel lonely. She's obsessed with me, crazy really." I laughed as he made his, 'She disgusts me,' face. I looked down at the tree I was sitting on this becoming a bit awkward. I felt like a high school girl, blushing and my heart beating faster. I was 23 years old sitting here, palms sweaty and avoiding the gaze of a guy.

"You honestly thought I would've asked you to kiss you if I had a girlfriend?" I shrugged my shoulders knowing that he wouldn't but me and my crazy thoughts.

"Well no," he took hold of my chin and made me look up at him. Our faces slowly closing in on one another.

"Then you should have known I didn't have a girlfriend, babes." My heart jumped, he hadn't called me that since I had last seen him. I almost died as our foreheads touched. His thumb caressing my bottom lip. I sat still watching his thumb and his lips.

"So soft..." He whispered and just as he was about to kiss me, my phone rings. It startled us both, the nokia tune shouting at me to answer it.

"Lemme,"

"Yea..." Dean answered looking away from me. I picked up the phone not recognizing the number wondering who the hell could be calling me.

"Hello?"

"Ms. Sparks?" I furrowed my brow not knowing who it was but they obviously knew who I was.

"Yes?"

"We have your son and were wondering who was going to be picking him up." My eyes went wide as I looked at the time quickly on my phone seeing it was 3 and Tagan got out at 2:30.

"I'm on my way!" I shouted and hopped off of the tree. Dean looked at me confused as I motioned for him to get down. He did and dusted himself off and then looked at me.

"What happened?"

"Tagan! I completely lost track of time, we have to go get him!" Dean's eyes went wide and nodded his head as we ran back to my house and hopped into Dean's car.

"Thanks so much." I said to him as he quickly made his way to get Tagan.

"You know you don't have to thank me, Alessa." I looked down at the dashboard and then up at him.

"I know, but I feel like I have to. You're always saving me." He smiled at me and then pulled up to Tagan's school.

I knew I was going to be needing a big dessert and possibly letting him play his game boy for a while until he forgave me for being late.