The Cynical Prince

'I've never seen anyone as beautiful as you when they cried...'

When I woke up my arms were still around Alessa's small waist, her hands gripping tightly to my forearm. I had never seen her this scared in my life, the fear still could be seen in her face as she slept. Fear wasn't something I was used to from Alessa. I had seen her cry before but never from fear, never this hard.

I watched her, her chest rising and falling from inhaling and exhaling. Her hair was everywhere, her soft curls all over her face so I gently pushed it aside to see her angelic face. She was one of the most beautiful things I had come across and I remember cherishing every moment, she would let me have with her, every moment I got to hold her like this.

I knew I shouldn't be feeling this way about her again, this time she wouldn't break my heart, I would end up breaking hers. I knew I should't have even been staying here, not after what Sam told me but I couldn't pull myself away. Alessa meant everything to me, I knew that, but I tried so hard to deny it. For her sake, I tried my hardest for her to just be a simple friend to me. Unfortunately, I constantly fail.

Alessa was still suffering from the loss of her husband, that's why she had this panic attack. She was afraid of losing me like she lost Andrew. Sure it showed that she cared about me but trying to move on from someone you lost is difficult, isn't as easy at it would seem. Especially when it's only been a year, I should know all this.

However, now that Tagan was here, that Tagan existed it's even more of a reason to leave. I can't bring harm to Alessa and even more so I can't bring harm to Tagan. I wouldn't put her through any of the bullshit I know that I would have to go through soon, I just wasn't sure when.

As much as I wanted to try and be with Alessa, I knew I couldn't. Makes me wonder how things would have turned out had Alessa went with me and not with Andrew then. Maybe we would have been happy and I could have been Tagan's father. Can you blame me for wanting to father her child? Alessa was beautiful and actually cared about me which made me fall for her even harder.

When I tried to pull away to check the time and everything she tightened her grip and let out a small cry.

"Dean." She whispered pulled me onto her more. She was so scared of me even getting up I knew it wasn't good for Tagan to come home and see her like this. He would be worried sick wondering what was wrong, bringing up painful memories. He didn't need that so I went to go for my cell phone in my pocket when Alessa's phone went off. It was in her pocket and I saw her stir, her hand reaching for it. I placed her hand off to the side and took out her phone. It was Genieve.

"Hello?" I answered looking down at Alessa who looked much more peaceful than when I had awoken.

"Dean? It's Genieve."

"Yea, I know." I gently stroked Alessa's forehead watching her eyes flutter slightly calming even more. I remembered she had said that always put her to sleep.

"How's Alessa?"

"Sleeping. I think she's better, she looked calmer."

"I see. Well, I have Tagan he's with Damien. I told him that Alessa made plans for him to sleep over to play with Damien. He sort of bought it, thinking you two wanted to be alone." I chuckled furrowing my brow at the same time not knowing whom this Damien person was that she was talking about but I knew Tagan was safe with Genieve. The last time I saw her was the last time I saw Alessa. It was all a very long time ago.

"Thanks a lot. Who's Damien?"

"My son. Valmont and I got married. Well tell Alessa when she wakes up about this and if she wants to give me a ring." I smiled thankful Alessa had such good friends that she was close with. It probably made it all a lot easier for her to deal with the death of Andrew.

"Sure, no problem."

"Bye, Dean."

"Bye." I hung up the phone and was about to place it in my pocket when Alessa turned around to face me. Her eyed swollen from all the crying she had been doing looking up at me bloodshot. Even though she looked like a mess, she was cute mess.

"Hi." She croaked and I just smiled at her and caressed her face.

"How you feeling?" She smiled feebly and took a deep breath.

"Okay. I'm sorry for all that. I guess I relapsed." I kept caressing her face as she looked down at my chest. I brought her chin back up to look and me and shook my head.

"Don't be sorry, Alessa. You lost someone you loved and you were afraid of losing someone you cared about. It's understandable." I saw her tear up again as she grabbed onto me, silent tears flowing from her eyes.

"Thank you, Dean. You know I don't ever want to lose you, not when you just came back in my life. You just can't disappear on me again." Her words stung at my heart. I knew I would have to leave her soon; the danger I brought to her would be too much. I couldn't risk her life just to see her smiling face everyday. What would it be worth then?

"Shh, no more talk. Relax okay?" She nodded her head and then looked around the room. She sat up in bed ready to jump out.

"Where's Tagan?" She looked at me beginning to panic once again. I placed my hands on her shoulders to calm her.

"With Genieve, we both figured that Tagan shouldn't see you like this." Alessa looked at me with sad eyes.

"I see. I'm a horrible mother aren't I? How could I just fall apart like this forgetting about how it would effect Tagan!?" Alessa began to cry again and I just brought her back into my arms. Her back up against my chest.

"No, you're not. You're in pain, you deserve to cry a little. You don't need to be strong all the time. I'm here, I won't let anything harm you while I'm around." I held her closer and slowly calmed down.

"Why do you always know what to say, Dean? Why were you always so understanding?" She held back tears as she looked me in the eyes. Here blue eyes were so swollen and bloodshot I was sure they were on the verge of just falling out. She looked so sad and my heart ached seeing her like that.

"Because, I...I care about you Alessa. I want to be here for you and understand you." She smiled at me through her tears and took hold on my face, gently stroking it with her thumb.

"And why haven't you kissed me?" I was shocked wondering where this was coming from. I knew she was sad, and wanted comfort. I smiled at her, have her a kiss on her forehead, and then brought her close. She pushed away looking up at me confused.

"That's not what I meant." I smirked stroking her cheek. She was so cute.

"I know that's not what you meant, Alessa. But you're just seeking comfort, I won't kiss you just to be comfort food. When I kiss you, I want to know it's because you actually wanted to and not out of depression." She bit her lip and wrapped her arms around my neck making me fall back into the bed.

She said nothing else, and I knew that she appreciated me for not kissing her, as much as I did want to. Lord knows I miss those lips but I knew she had to over come other things first. She fell asleep quickly on top of me as I stroked her back calming her. I knew she was still hurting from losing Andrew.

I just wish I could all make it go away.