The Cynical Prince
020: Yeah, I Think That I Might Break
'You can't cheat on a test...
My face was once again in the toilet for the fourth time this week. I would feel pretty good after about twelve o'clock hit but half the time I was trying to keep what little I had down in my stomach during class. Tagan was even starting to worry about me, after Dean left for California to go deal with whatever happened between him and Eric over there I had been a bit mopey. I tried my best not to be, but when Tagan kept asking me where he was it broke my heart. It was hard enough to deal with his absence after only just a few days, now it had been a good 3 weeks. I didn't know what do with the memory of Dean.
"Mommy? Are you okay?" I lifted my head from the toilet and flushed, reaching for the sink to brush my teeth. Tagan was standing in the doorway looking at me sadly wondering why I had been so sick for the past few days. I was just glad today was Saturday and that I didn't have class.
"I'm okay. I just need to rest. Go get yourself some breakfast and turn on the TV okay honey?" Tagan nodded his head, went off into the kitchen as I finished up brushing my teeth, and went to go call Genieve.
"Hey, Alessa." I smiled at hearing her voice. I told her about the puking and she told me to go to the doctor but...I utterly refused. I hated the doctor unless I had to really go.
"Genieve, this is crazy. This is the fourth time this week! And I feel like I cannot eat anything, I fear the smell of food now. I LOVE FOOD!" I shouted over the phone, fake crying and Genieve just laughed then suddenly gasped.
"What, what is it?" I asked wondering why she inhaled so deeply, so suddenly like that.
"Remember oh, um, five years ago when you and Andrew had just moved into that apartment?" I furrowed my brow but listened closely to her as I took a seat on my bed.
"Yeah?"
"Well when you first moved in, remember how sick you were?" I had no idea where she was going with this.
"Um...yeah." I heard Genieve sigh and start to move around.
"You know what, I'll be there in like ten, okay?" Right now, I was utterly confused but nodded my head (even though she couldn't see me) and answered, "Sure."
I put my phone in my pocket and walked out into the living room with Tagan who was sitting on the couch watching his morning cartoons. We sat together in silence as Tagan rested his head on my lap until I heard the buzzer ring.
"Who's that?"
"You auntie Genieve." Tagan smiled and I buzzed her up. I opened the door and looked back at Tagan who sat there picking at his toes and watching the television. He really was like his father.
"YOU!" Genieve shouted as she pushed me into the apartment and closed the door behind her.
"Uh, yeah? Me?" She pushed me into my bedroom and into the bathroom and locked it behind her. Then she through a back at me from the pharmacy, glaring at me the entire time.
"I'm scared, why are you being so mean?" Genieve rolled her eyes and reached her hand into the plastic bag pulling out a pregnancy test...
A PREGNANCY TEST?!
"What the hell you think I'm pregnant?" I yelled as she just stood there looking at me like I was stupid. I couldn't be pregnant! Because if I was...
"You told me you had that night with Dean, Alessa, it's very possible." I started to panic, I wracked my brain for the memory of a condom, but none was coming to mind. Just the passion, the sadness, I sat down on the toilet as silent tears fell from my eyes.
"A baby?" Genieve came over to me and held me in her arms.
"It's just a possibility. Take the test and we'll see what's going okay?" I nodded my head and she placed the box on the counter. She left and I took the test by myself, locking myself in the room with that dreadful thing.
My heart pounded and tears still came to my eyes. I wasn't ready to be the single mother of yet another child, I knew I couldn't possibly raise both Tagan and this new baby by myself while I was trying to get my teachers license.
The five minutes had passed and I took a deep breath. I really needed someone hear with me for this, I needed Dean to be here with me but he was far away and couldn't even comfort me with a phone call.
Slowly I looked at it, sure enough, more tears and loud sobs came as I stared at the test in hand. My heart ached and my mind raced. I was all alone now, truly. The knocks from Genieve told me I wasn't but I felt that way. Dean wasn't going to be here, Andrew wasn't here. I would face this alone.
I was pregnant.
My face was once again in the toilet for the fourth time this week. I would feel pretty good after about twelve o'clock hit but half the time I was trying to keep what little I had down in my stomach during class. Tagan was even starting to worry about me, after Dean left for California to go deal with whatever happened between him and Eric over there I had been a bit mopey. I tried my best not to be, but when Tagan kept asking me where he was it broke my heart. It was hard enough to deal with his absence after only just a few days, now it had been a good 3 weeks. I didn't know what do with the memory of Dean.
"Mommy? Are you okay?" I lifted my head from the toilet and flushed, reaching for the sink to brush my teeth. Tagan was standing in the doorway looking at me sadly wondering why I had been so sick for the past few days. I was just glad today was Saturday and that I didn't have class.
"I'm okay. I just need to rest. Go get yourself some breakfast and turn on the TV okay honey?" Tagan nodded his head, went off into the kitchen as I finished up brushing my teeth, and went to go call Genieve.
"Hey, Alessa." I smiled at hearing her voice. I told her about the puking and she told me to go to the doctor but...I utterly refused. I hated the doctor unless I had to really go.
"Genieve, this is crazy. This is the fourth time this week! And I feel like I cannot eat anything, I fear the smell of food now. I LOVE FOOD!" I shouted over the phone, fake crying and Genieve just laughed then suddenly gasped.
"What, what is it?" I asked wondering why she inhaled so deeply, so suddenly like that.
"Remember oh, um, five years ago when you and Andrew had just moved into that apartment?" I furrowed my brow but listened closely to her as I took a seat on my bed.
"Yeah?"
"Well when you first moved in, remember how sick you were?" I had no idea where she was going with this.
"Um...yeah." I heard Genieve sigh and start to move around.
"You know what, I'll be there in like ten, okay?" Right now, I was utterly confused but nodded my head (even though she couldn't see me) and answered, "Sure."
I put my phone in my pocket and walked out into the living room with Tagan who was sitting on the couch watching his morning cartoons. We sat together in silence as Tagan rested his head on my lap until I heard the buzzer ring.
"Who's that?"
"You auntie Genieve." Tagan smiled and I buzzed her up. I opened the door and looked back at Tagan who sat there picking at his toes and watching the television. He really was like his father.
"YOU!" Genieve shouted as she pushed me into the apartment and closed the door behind her.
"Uh, yeah? Me?" She pushed me into my bedroom and into the bathroom and locked it behind her. Then she through a back at me from the pharmacy, glaring at me the entire time.
"I'm scared, why are you being so mean?" Genieve rolled her eyes and reached her hand into the plastic bag pulling out a pregnancy test...
A PREGNANCY TEST?!
"What the hell you think I'm pregnant?" I yelled as she just stood there looking at me like I was stupid. I couldn't be pregnant! Because if I was...
"You told me you had that night with Dean, Alessa, it's very possible." I started to panic, I wracked my brain for the memory of a condom, but none was coming to mind. Just the passion, the sadness, I sat down on the toilet as silent tears fell from my eyes.
"A baby?" Genieve came over to me and held me in her arms.
"It's just a possibility. Take the test and we'll see what's going okay?" I nodded my head and she placed the box on the counter. She left and I took the test by myself, locking myself in the room with that dreadful thing.
My heart pounded and tears still came to my eyes. I wasn't ready to be the single mother of yet another child, I knew I couldn't possibly raise both Tagan and this new baby by myself while I was trying to get my teachers license.
The five minutes had passed and I took a deep breath. I really needed someone hear with me for this, I needed Dean to be here with me but he was far away and couldn't even comfort me with a phone call.
Slowly I looked at it, sure enough, more tears and loud sobs came as I stared at the test in hand. My heart ached and my mind raced. I was all alone now, truly. The knocks from Genieve told me I wasn't but I felt that way. Dean wasn't going to be here, Andrew wasn't here. I would face this alone.
I was pregnant.