Dirty Little Secret

I brush my hair out of my face as I briskly walk down the hall. My mind races through the list of things that I need to do by seven, what I need to do after the show, what I’m going to do this weekend, basically anything I can think of to keep my mind off of the terrible news I heard earlier today.

I’m so caught up in my thoughts that I don’t see the man in front of me until I collide with him, knocking both of us to the ground.

“Sorry, Pierre!” I exclaim as I get to my feet, offering him a hand.

“It’s okay, Angel.” He gets up on his own. “But you really need to start paying attention to where you’re going.”

“I will.”

I scramble off, back to my list of things. I have to act as if things are business as usual, but it’s so hard to do when I’m pissed beyond belief.

I enter the dressing room and immediately want to leave. I hope that he didn’t see me as I quickly turn around, praying that I can make a clean getaway.

“Angel!”

I sigh and turn back to face the one person I was hoping to avoid. “Hey, Chuck. What’s up?”

He walks over to me and takes my hand in his. “I just wanna talk to you. You’ve been acting kinda weird today. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

He brushes some stray hair from my face. “Don’t lie to me. I can read you like a book. Something’s bothering you, so spill.”

We sit down on the couch.

“I think you’ve made a huge mistake taking her back,” I whisper.

“What?”

“Taking Ashley back, it’s a mistake. She’s going to hurt you again.”

“She’s changed. And I love her, isn’t that all that matters?”

I sigh. “Chuck, you need to open your eyes! She doesn’t love you, she loves your fame.”

He looks at me angrily. “You don’t know anything about her.”

“I know enough! And I do not want to be the one who has to pick up the pieces again.”

“Just leave. I can’t to talk to you right now.”

I nod and get up off of the couch. I don’t even bother to look at him before I leave the room. I know he’s mad at me, but he was the one insisting that I tell him what was bothering me; and it is the truth.

But what if I am wrong? What if she has changed? Is my jealousy just taking over and blinding me from seeing any real change Ashley has made? Impossible. She’s always been a greedy attention whore.

I try to go back to my mental list of things to do, but I find it hard to concentrate knowing that my best friend is mad at me.

I make my way to the merch table and greet Pat.

“What’s wrong?” Pat asks, noting my less than enthusiastic greeting.

“I got into a fight with Chuck.”

“You didn’t tell him what you think about Ashley, did you?”

“Of course I did. He’s one of my best friends; I had to warn him. We all know that she’s going to hurt him again.”

He sighs. “I know this whole thing has to be hard for you. Especially since he’s led you on for a while--”

“Try eight years, Pat.”

He bites his lip. “Listen, you’re obviously not in the mood or condition to do merch tonight. Why don’t you just take the night off? I’ll cover for you, I’ve done this job by myself before, I’m sure I can do it again.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, go clear your mind. Take a walk or something. I will cover for you if the guys ask.”

“Yeah, I think I will. Thanks, Pat.”

I leave the venue and make my way to the bus. I take a seat and stare out the window, trying to think of something to do. I can’t see my sister, it’s short notice and she’s probably busy.

Then it hits me. I’m in Long Beach, mere miles from Huntington Beach, and I know something I can do there.

I call a cab, planning to do something I would never do under normal circumstances. Hey, you only live once, right?