Dirty Little Secret

*POV Switch*

I drop my bag on the floor and collapse on the couch. God, it feels good to be back home!

Icky runs into the room and jumps on my chest. I laugh as he licks my face.

I’ve gotta remember to thank Matt, my little brother, for taking care of him while I was out on the road.

This was what I really needed, to be home with my dog. It’s just too bad that I’m home because of Matt straining his voice. It’s a bitter sweet homecoming.

There’s a knock on the door and I get up to answer it.

“Zack!” Gena exclaims, wrapping her arms around me in a big hug.

“Hey, baby.”

“I’m so glad you’re home! You won’t believe how much I’ve missed you!” She gives me a deep kiss.

I pull away quickly, maybe a bit too quickly because she gives me a funny look.

“I missed you too,” I reply.

We walk to the couch and sit down. I turn on the TV and wrap my arm around her. I guess the last thing I watched, or maybe Matt watched, was something on Fuse because music videos are actually playing.

It’s a Simple Plan video and I quickly change the channel.

“I liked that song,” Gena says, nuzzling into me.

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t know.”

I go back to the channel and bite my lip as the video plays.

I guess I’m still a bit sensitive to stuff that reminds me of Angel. I haven’t been able to listen to a Simple Plan song without getting bummed out and I can’t watch one of their videos without getting angry every time Chuck’s ugly mug appears on the screen.

“So I was thinking that we could go out with the guys tonight. You know, get everyone together. It’s been a while since all of us have hung out,” I suggest, brushing her hair with my fingers.

“Yeah, that sounds good.”

She returns her attention to the music video. I see Chuck’s face and my body tenses up with anger.

“Are you alright, Zack?”

“Yeah, why do you ask?”

“You’re awful tense. Do you not like the song or something?”

“Nah, it’s just… I got into a bit of a fight with Chuck not too long ago. I guess I’m still upset with him.”

“When did you see him?”

“A while back. Probably close to six months ago.”

“And you’re still upset? He must have done something really bad to piss you off for so long.”

“Yeah…”

Like taking the girl I like. Or used to like… I don’t know what it is now… Damn it, stop thinking about her!

“Well, if it makes you feel any better I never did like those guys anyway.”

“Why?”

“All of them are incredibly immature. I mean it’s okay to goof off sometimes, especially if you’re funny, but the shit they’d do was just stupid.”

“I guess.”

“Oh, and that stupid little girl that follows them around like a lost, little puppy everywhere. What is up with her? She’s like a cheap imitation of Val; busting her hump for those guys and trying to act all saintly.”

I bite my lip. I really don’t want to talk about Angel. I don’t feel like talking about her or even think about her right now… It hurts too much.

“And it’s pathetic how she’s in love with Chuck! I know he’s not much of a looker, but he could do a lot better than her.”

I feel my blood begin to boil.

“I’m sure she’s got a lovely personality, but I don’t think even a good personality could make her look good. I don’t blame him for not settling for her homely ass.”

“They’re dating now,” I mumble, trying very hard to not let my anger show. “At least they were when I saw them… She’s going to be having his baby pretty soon.”

“Wow. That was fast.”

“Yeah.” I let out a big yawn, trying to think of a way to change the topic. “I’m beat. I think I’m going to take a nap.”

“Okay, I guess I’ll see you when we go out with the guys.”

“You know, I don’t think I’m going to be up to going out after all. I’m really tired, touring was really hectic. You’re welcome to stay-”

“Oh no, it’s okay. I’ve got something I need to do anyway.” She gives me a quick peck. “But I’ll see you later.”

I walk her to the door, give her a quick kiss, and she walks out to her car. I watch her pull away before I close the door. I let out a sigh. We just had to talk about Angel…

You would think that I’d be over her by now. You would think that the whole sleeping with her eight months ago would be stored in the back of my mind and long forgotten, that the disastrous kisses would be suppressed to never be thought of again. But they’re not; they still linger in and out of my thoughts.

Every time I smell something floral, Val says it’s freesia but I don't know any better, I think of Angel. At night, the kisses that we shared play over and over in my head, reminding me of how badly I’ve fucked up. I just can't seem to put it all behind me.

I’ve tried everything I could to keep my mind off of her. I’ve been working like hell over Vengeance University. I’ve been coming up with designs, started promotion, and with the help of some friends I’ve been able to put together a new site. But it’s not enough.

I thought that being with Gena would change things, but it looks like it’s only made things worse. Instead of making me forget all about Angel, all I seem to be able to do is think about how much I miss her. And to top it off, I’m so paranoid that Gena’s going to cheat again that I think she’s already seeing someone behind my back.

We have been together for six months now, not seeing each other once until today, and she doesn’t want to spend time with me. When I cancel plans on her she seems excited, saying she had plans anyway. What plans? I just got in; she knew I’d be in today, what would she plan on the day I come home that doesn’t involve me?

Maybe I’m reading too much into things. Maybe I’m trying to make this not work. And why? It’s all because I’m still hung up on a girl who ripped my heart to shreds after what can technically be called a one night stand…

Fuck, I wish I was back on the road. I have too much time to think when I’m home.