We Change, We Wait

Kissing John had never felt so right. Part of my mind, a very small part, noted that I had a boyfriend. While my head was yelling no my heart was screaming yes. When he pulled away it was only to trail kisses down my neck to my collar bone. I finally registered that I needed to stop him.

“John,” I said quietly. I pressed my hand against his chest but he moved it around his neck and reattached his lips to mine. I had to stop this before he scrambled my thoughts again. Determined I took both hands and pushed against his chest again. I got the reaction I knew I needed but it was not the one I wanted. The one I wanted was for him to take my hands and wrap them around his neck again and then pull me closer. The one I needed was for him to stop and pull back to look at me so I could talk to him.

“What?” he asked, a little breathless as was I.

“I can’t do this John,” I told him quietly. If actions really speak louder than words then he would’ve have kissed me again without letting me explain any further. My heart and most of my being was telling me to screw it and kiss him again. My mind however was telling me that this was wrong. I was with Adam and I had to at least break up with him before doing anything with John.

“Why?” he asked, there was a touch of pain in his eyes. I leaned my head against his shoulder and he kissed the side of my head. He was leaning with his back against the van and I ended up in his lap while we were kissing.

“Adam,” I half groaned.

“Who is Adam?” he asked.

“Adam Crowley, you remember him? Running back on the football team in school,” I explained.

“Oh, yeah,” he said flatly, “what about him?”

“We’re dating,” I said quietly into the fabric of his shirt. I was surprised he understood me…

“Since when?” he whispered trying to hide the pain that I could easily hear in his voice.

“About three months…” I told him. I felt him nod and then he moved me off his lap. He went to stand but I grabbed his arm and held him back. “John, please don’t leave,” I pleaded.

“Why?” he asked. His voice was flat almost angry.

“The only reason I stopped you is because it’s wrong to go behind Adam’s back like this. Give me a week John, please,” I begged. I saw the indecision in his eyes and took advantage of it. I pulled myself closer to him and buried my face in the crook of his neck. “Please,” I whispered and brushed my lips over the skin there. He shuddered beneath me and I knew I had won.

“Alright, I’ll give you a week,” he said softly. His hand found the side of my face and lifted it to look at him. He kissed me again but I didn’t have it in me to protest, nor did I want to. It was short kiss, like the ones he used to give me before he left my house, or when we met somewhere.

-

“Meet me at 8123 Skylar Avenue in an hour ok?” he told me. I was nervous about sneaking out but John was worth getting in trouble. I made it out of my house without getting caught and then started walking the three blocks to Skylar. Once there I went down the street and followed the curve until I found the right house. The house was the last one on the curve of the street and it was the only house that was all the way around the corner. He was sitting in the front yard waiting for me. He stood when I approached and hugged me and placed a kiss on my lips. “It’s nice to see you came along,”

“Of course, what are we doing here?” I asked as he led me around the back of the house.

“This place has been abandoned for years, there’s a tree house that’s in pretty good shape around the back,” he explained. I gave him a funny look and he laughed. “The tree house doesn’t have a roof, and the stars are almost as beautiful as you are,” he told me. I smiled and then climbed up the makeshift ladder into the open roofed tree house. There was a blanket up there and two candles. John came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. I heard music before I saw the little CD player setting in the corner.

“John, this is so cute,” I told him with a smile. I sat down on the blanket and he sat next to me. We laid back after a few minutes and I laid my head on his chest.

“Do you know what today is?” he asked me a few minutes later.

“Um, Thursday?” I asked more than stated.

“Not anymore, it’s midnight now,” he told me.

“Ok, so it’s Friday,” I corrected myself. He laughed and I looked up to scowl at him.

“Eight months,” he said and my face instantly softened. I hadn’t realized the date. I had to stop tears, it was so thoughtful. John knew I loved watching the stars and he knew I loved candles. He had a CD that he had made me of my favorite songs, a majority of them his.

“John, this is perfect,” I told him. I rolled over and kissed him softly. “8123 is my favorite number,” I told him with a laugh. He laughed too and we spent the night there.

A lot of things happened that night. That was the night that I lost my virginity. John was my first of almost everything. He had been my first real boyfriend, he had been my first date, my first best friend, my first love, and my first time. John meant everything to me. Certainly much more than Adam ever could. Adam was a great guy, don’t get me wrong, but he’s not John. I called him two days after I had that dream.

“Hey babe,” he answered. I took a deep breath and answered. I silently thanked god that I was alone.

“Hey Adam,” I replied. My voice was a little shaky.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, concern laced his tone. Another deep breath…

“Adam I can’t date you anymore,” I said in a rush. He was quiet for a while.

“Why not?” he asked quietly. I hadn’t talked to him since the day we started Warped so this was sudden.

“Long distance doesn’t work for me Adam. I can’t be here and you not be and still be your girlfriend. It’s not your fault but I don’t want to do something stupid and end up hurting you,” I told him. I had thought this through thoroughly before I called him; I had backups planned for everything.

“Oh, ok,” he replied, I sighed.

“I’m really sorry Adam,” I told him.

“It’s ok, I guess I’ll talk to you later…”

“Yeah, bye,” I answered softly. I heard a quiet click and closed my own phone. I let out a sigh of relief. At least I didn’t rip his heart out… I got up and exited our van walking towards the merch booth. I felt happier now. There a little bounce to my step as I walked towards The Maine’s merch booth. When it came into view I saw who was sitting there and smiled. Two of my favorite boys… Garrett and John. John and I told no one about what happened two nights ago, or what we decided. The only thing anyone knew is that we talked and we were fine now. They all thought we were best friends again or at least headed in that direction.

“Annie!” Garrett called happily. I waved at him and then saw John smile widely at me. I smiled back and walked behind the table. I gave Garrett an awkward hug because he was sitting and I wasn’t and then walked to John and hugged him as well. I stood in front of them and looked at them both expectantly. “What?” Garrett asked.

“I don’t have a seat,” I pouted. He and John laughed and John pulled me down into his lap. “Thank you,” I smiled and laughed. “I have a secret,” I told him.

“Oh really? What is it?” he asked. I shook my head making my hair flail wildly and land in my face.

“I’m not telling you yet,” I told him.

“Why not?” he asked.

“Because…” I said simply.

“Please?” he asked sticking out his bottom lip. He was so cute when he pouted.

“Not yet,” I told him emphasizing ‘yet’. He smiled and nodded getting the underlying meaning.

“If I shoved you two out of that chair would you be mad at me?” Garrett asked a few minutes later. John and I both gave him the ‘what the fuck?’ look.

“Yes, Garrett, that would kind of piss me off,” I told him.

“Oh, then I won’t do it,” he said. He got up and left leaving John and I alone.

“What a dork,” I said as he walked away. John just stared after him like he was an alien, I took that as an agreement. I started to get up but John wrapped his arms tightly around my waist.

“I want to hear this secret of yours,” he whispered in my ear. His hot breath sent an involuntary shudder through my body.

“What if I don’t want to tell you?” I asked him.

“I’m pretty sure I can persuade you,” he said quietly before kissing my neck. I sighed in defeat, he was right anyway. If I said no then he’d do… something… and I’d end up telling him anyway. There was really no point in having the conversation really, he would find out either way.

“Fine, I broke up with Adam right before I came over here,” I told him. His head snapped up and he was staring at me with a smile on his face.

“Really?” he asked, his happy smile changed to a wary one.

“Yes, really. He seemed kind of bummed but not totally hurt you know?” I explained. He nodded, his face thoughtful. His phone buzzed on the table in front of us and he grabbed it. He apparently read a text and then closed his phone.

“I’ve got to go to soundcheck and I have no clue where our merch girl is, can you watch it for a few minutes until she gets here?” he asked while we both stood up.

“Sure, I’ll try to catch the end of your set,” I told him.

“You’re a lifesaver,” he told me. He swiftly kissed my cheek and then he was walking off towards one of the stages for his soundcheck. Their merch girl, Lacy, came up a few minutes later. She thanked me for covering and then I headed off to watch The Maine’s set. Kaleb said he’d watch it with me whenever and I asked him yesterday if he’d meet me there today. Little did I know then that John and I would be doing so well today. Kaleb was there waiting for me sidestage.

“Hey Annie,” he greeted me. He gave me a hug and then we heard John’s voice.

“What’s up everybody?!” he yelled. “We’re The Maine and this song is called The Way We Talk,” he told them before they all started into the song. The set was amazing and John’s voice was mesmerizing.