A Wonderful Caricature of Intimacy; A Tale of Past Lovers

Chapter 40

It’s been a week since the whole thing I saw online. I’m still in Europe, London to be exact. We were almost done with the European tour. Just about 2 more days and then I’m back home again for a month or so. We don’t know what were going to do next. Panic couldn’t come to Europe. It was too late for them to be added to the performers list since they didn’t really make their mind up in time. Fall Out Boy arrived yesterday, and I ended up crying to Pete. Luckily, Ashlee wasn’t here. So she wasn’t here to get all jealous and what not. Pete was wondering why I had been all mopey and sad. Apparently, Chrissy decided to be a loud mouth and tell him that I have been keeping to myself and not eating. He ended up taking me to a near-by food place, and I ended up crying in my soup.

He asked what was wrong, so I told him. I told him about the pictures again and that I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Ever since that night I saw those pictures, I asked Brendon who that girl was. He told me that he was a friend of not only his, but of Pete’s and the rest of Fall Out Boy as well. Her name was Lana Jade. She was an artist who helped them out for a bit. I then started yelling at him about it, and we ended up fighting over the phone. He was said that I should trust him, but then again he was being a hypocrite because he was yelling at me before about Pete. I started to poor my heart and soul to him about this whole thing. I told him over and over again, but he didn’t listen. He then started yelling at me about me freaking out about the picture. There’s a difference between holding hands and being all over a person. I've been such a mess.

Pete said he would fix all of it and try and talk to Brendon. He didn’t want this to keep going again. I could see the love and hope and his eyes. I just wanted to look away. I said no. I didn’t want any more drama to go down especially between Brendon and Pete just because they had been signed before my band.

We were done for the night. I still didn’t feel like going to see the rest of the bands perform so I decided to go back to my bunk. I had left my phone in the bus. So when I got back, I had a couple of missed phone calls and text messages. I saw that my family had called me. I checked my text messages to see that I had only gotten one from Brendon. All it said was I miss you. I sighed and lied down in my bunk. I missed him too. Way too much as well. I was scared about what has been going on. I mean we had been through so much together. I don’t understand why would be freaking out about cheating on each other. I know that we aren’t, but that picture with that girl it just made me mad. All I wanted was just be in his arms again. I texted him back I missed you too and decided to just fall asleep

**********
“One more song…. Then you can leave. Just one more song.” I thought as I took a sip of my water.

I decided to leave right away from London after our last performance. Today was the last day. I just wanted to go home. I really started to miss Brendon. All I wanted to do was just sit down and talk with him about this. This was pathetic. We were fighting for no reason. We would never hurt each other. We went through too much to go through all of this.

I announced that we would be ending with one last song and that we would be back in London again soon. After what had seemed forever, we were done. I rushed offstage and took a shower. My flight was in 2 hours, and I needed to head to the airport. So after I was done with everything, I went to the merch booth, signed some stuff and said my goodbyes to everyone. I grabbed my bags, hailed a cab, and went to the airport.

***********
I sighed as I rushed out of McCarran Airport in Las Vegas. It was already 10 in the morning, and I was super tired. All I wanted to do was get to Brendon’s place and just sleep in his arms. I hailed a cab and shoved my stuff in the car. I got in and told him the address. It seemed like forever driving to the place. It was only about half an hour, but still. I’ve been to his place once. It was right after we were done with tour, and he wanted me to meet his parents and see where he grew up.

We finally got to his apartment. I pulled out money and grabbed my stuff. I climbed up stairs seeing that he had a loft on the second floor. Brendon didn’t tell me about a spare key or anything so I checked around his door for a bit. Nothing in the lights or underneath the door mat. So I quietly tried to open the door to see if it was unlocked. It ended up being unlocked. I was scared. Why would he leave the door unlocked? I didn’t see him down the hall or anything. I peeked in to see that nothing had been missing or stolen. I sighed in relief, but I still kept caution. I then put my stuff in the living room. I walked down the hallway towards his bedroom. The door was slightly open so I opened it slowly and walked inside. That’s when it happened.

I gulped down the spit that was accumulating in my mouth from it being wide open. I just couldn’t believe my eyes. In his arms was a girl I never even met but heard so much about. I heard that they became friends, but more than that? I didn’t know what else to feel. I just felt empty. I trusted him. We trusted each other. We gave our word, and yet it just went down the drain. I walked over to the living room and sat down on the couch, not even thinking straight. Just staring at the picture of me and him on his piano.

“What did I do wrong to lose him?” I whispered as I felt tears roll down my face.