What Fear Really Means
Confusion...
Every day she tried to escape.
She knew it was pointless.
She couldn't escape. The walls, the floor, the ceiling.. everything... encased her, trapped her, mocked her...
Terrified her.
It was always dark... Even if it wasn't, she could hardly ever bring herself to open her eyes. She knew exactly where she was... yet she was still confused somehow.
She always seemed to be in a fog. Time was running out for her, she assumed. She would run out of air... She knew it wouldn't be long.
How had she gotten here? She couldn't remember anything. All she knew was she wanted more than anything to be free of these black walls... this dark room... this dark existence.
How long did she have to suffer here... this uncertainty.. this limbo. She didn't know where she was, how she got here... or if someone could save her.
She doubted it. Nobody could save her from this... this hell.
For all she knew, that could be where she was.
She had done enough horrible things. She could have easily wound up in hell.
But no, hell was brimstone and fire... hell was rivers of lava and the sickening smell of burning flesh and roasting bones.
No, she knew she wasn't in hell...
But that didn't rule out purgatory.
Yes... purgatory... hanging in limbo, somewhere lost in the universe, forever... just because you hadn't done enough bad things to get into hell, but had done too many to get into heaven.
She had never been a believer in God. What kind of God could do this to a person anyways? None that she wanted to be a part of.
Where the hell WAS she????
She tried to move. Her arms seemed to be plastered to her sides. As if .... as if she were in a tiny, confined area...
As if she were in a coffin.
All of a sudden, her breath came in short gasps. She knew she was in a coffin. She knew she was moments from death. She knew nobody would save her.
After all, they thought she was dead. How else could she have ended up in a wooden box 6 feet under?
She began to kick and scream, thrashing her legs and trying desperately to get out. Get someone's attention...
Suddenly, she managed to turn herself over... but instead of hitting a wooden coffin wall...
She hit a floor. A tiled floor.
What the hell.. she thought... what the hell is that...
Still just as frightened, she kicked, screamed, thrashed, cursed whoever wasn't helping her or explaining anything to her.
She hadn't realized her eyes were squeezed shut. She opened them with much difficulty.
A moment after she'd accomplished that, the "room" she was in flooded with light. People in white uniforms rushed to her side, and she felt a prick in her leg.
Everything came flooding back...
Where she was... why she was here...
She wasn't dead. In a coffin, purgatory, nor hell.
Yet she was in a place of equal vileness and evil.
Why, she was in the place she'd always known she'd end up.
Where she knew she would be safe.
She also realized that her arms were not stuck in their same position because she was in a small wooden coffin..
They were in fact, in their same white jacket they'd been most of these past years... The worst of them...
A smile crossed her face as she looked up at her nurses... the people who'd kept her alive all these years... her nurses... her institution...
She closed her eyes to a dreamless sleep.
She knew it was pointless.
She couldn't escape. The walls, the floor, the ceiling.. everything... encased her, trapped her, mocked her...
Terrified her.
It was always dark... Even if it wasn't, she could hardly ever bring herself to open her eyes. She knew exactly where she was... yet she was still confused somehow.
She always seemed to be in a fog. Time was running out for her, she assumed. She would run out of air... She knew it wouldn't be long.
How had she gotten here? She couldn't remember anything. All she knew was she wanted more than anything to be free of these black walls... this dark room... this dark existence.
How long did she have to suffer here... this uncertainty.. this limbo. She didn't know where she was, how she got here... or if someone could save her.
She doubted it. Nobody could save her from this... this hell.
For all she knew, that could be where she was.
She had done enough horrible things. She could have easily wound up in hell.
But no, hell was brimstone and fire... hell was rivers of lava and the sickening smell of burning flesh and roasting bones.
No, she knew she wasn't in hell...
But that didn't rule out purgatory.
Yes... purgatory... hanging in limbo, somewhere lost in the universe, forever... just because you hadn't done enough bad things to get into hell, but had done too many to get into heaven.
She had never been a believer in God. What kind of God could do this to a person anyways? None that she wanted to be a part of.
Where the hell WAS she????
She tried to move. Her arms seemed to be plastered to her sides. As if .... as if she were in a tiny, confined area...
As if she were in a coffin.
All of a sudden, her breath came in short gasps. She knew she was in a coffin. She knew she was moments from death. She knew nobody would save her.
After all, they thought she was dead. How else could she have ended up in a wooden box 6 feet under?
She began to kick and scream, thrashing her legs and trying desperately to get out. Get someone's attention...
Suddenly, she managed to turn herself over... but instead of hitting a wooden coffin wall...
She hit a floor. A tiled floor.
What the hell.. she thought... what the hell is that...
Still just as frightened, she kicked, screamed, thrashed, cursed whoever wasn't helping her or explaining anything to her.
She hadn't realized her eyes were squeezed shut. She opened them with much difficulty.
A moment after she'd accomplished that, the "room" she was in flooded with light. People in white uniforms rushed to her side, and she felt a prick in her leg.
Everything came flooding back...
Where she was... why she was here...
She wasn't dead. In a coffin, purgatory, nor hell.
Yet she was in a place of equal vileness and evil.
Why, she was in the place she'd always known she'd end up.
Where she knew she would be safe.
She also realized that her arms were not stuck in their same position because she was in a small wooden coffin..
They were in fact, in their same white jacket they'd been most of these past years... The worst of them...
A smile crossed her face as she looked up at her nurses... the people who'd kept her alive all these years... her nurses... her institution...
She closed her eyes to a dreamless sleep.