So give me all your poison
Easy/lucky/free
I gasped for air painfully as I felt like something or someone was pressing down on my chest, pushing the air out of me. Anxiety creeping over me as I my hands began to tremble due to all the withdrawal symptoms. I chugged down another swig of tequila, it burned my hollow throat as it went down. I had to drink to fight the urge to do more and more and more coke, to fight that emptiness that had suddenly taken hold of me, drink to numb it all.
Gerard slid to the chair next to me. He looked completely wasted and as I stared back at myself in his hazel orbs I felt the most worthless I had felt in my life. He just stared at me for a couple of minutes, running his hands though his filthy black hair.
“Well aren’t you gonna offer me some of that tequila you’ve got there or is it a private party?”
I took another deep swig and handed him the bottle, shrugging slightly at him.
Sam and I had just fucked our brains out in Geoff’s garage. I hadn’t felt a thing, he couldn’t come and people kept interrupting us. I felt more a like a cheap hooker than ever before in my life. I kept asking myself why I couldn’t stop? Why was I so fucking broken I had lost all self respect for myself? Why was I in New York slowly falling apart as Sam ensured we both committed slow but definite suicides? What would Jem say? Why I hadn’t fucking died that day in the bathroom more than 10 years ago? Why hadn’t I died instead of Jem?
“Hey Isobel…” Gerard had placed his warm hand on the nape and was whispering seductively in my ear. “Look… I don’t know what’s wrong but by the look of it something’s very wrong. Honestly I’m pretty sure a good looking gal like you can’t have done anything that bad… You’re gonna be okay.. thrust me.”
I just snickered at him. Boy, had he chosen a bad moment to try to seduce me. He might fuck me in the garage too for all I cared, but stop trying to spoon feed me bullshit in an stupid and shitty attempt to make me feel better. I took the tequila bottle from him and drowned half it’s contents looking up at his mesmerizing hazel eyes.
“Fuck you.” I replied calmly as I walked away and out into the backyard.
Gerard slid to the chair next to me. He looked completely wasted and as I stared back at myself in his hazel orbs I felt the most worthless I had felt in my life. He just stared at me for a couple of minutes, running his hands though his filthy black hair.
“Well aren’t you gonna offer me some of that tequila you’ve got there or is it a private party?”
I took another deep swig and handed him the bottle, shrugging slightly at him.
Sam and I had just fucked our brains out in Geoff’s garage. I hadn’t felt a thing, he couldn’t come and people kept interrupting us. I felt more a like a cheap hooker than ever before in my life. I kept asking myself why I couldn’t stop? Why was I so fucking broken I had lost all self respect for myself? Why was I in New York slowly falling apart as Sam ensured we both committed slow but definite suicides? What would Jem say? Why I hadn’t fucking died that day in the bathroom more than 10 years ago? Why hadn’t I died instead of Jem?
“Hey Isobel…” Gerard had placed his warm hand on the nape and was whispering seductively in my ear. “Look… I don’t know what’s wrong but by the look of it something’s very wrong. Honestly I’m pretty sure a good looking gal like you can’t have done anything that bad… You’re gonna be okay.. thrust me.”
I just snickered at him. Boy, had he chosen a bad moment to try to seduce me. He might fuck me in the garage too for all I cared, but stop trying to spoon feed me bullshit in an stupid and shitty attempt to make me feel better. I took the tequila bottle from him and drowned half it’s contents looking up at his mesmerizing hazel eyes.
“Fuck you.” I replied calmly as I walked away and out into the backyard.