So give me all your poison

I sneaked into the empty backyard and collapsed on the wet grass. It was raining faintly and tiny droplets fell into my eyes forcing me to blink constantly, like if I was crying. I was completely wasted now. It was a good thing I had come back here to die by myself because generally I would get a bit violent when I got this drunk, not that I would remember the next morning or that it mattered. I was fucking freezing as the water began to soak though my dress and into my skin. I hated drunk people, so I hated myself more than usually right now. I closed my eyes and silently prayed I would just die, right there, just doze off and die. Maybe I would meet Jem, although I doubt that now because I retched of sin. You don’t believe in heaven so why does it matter that you are a slut and covered in sin? There is no heaven and there is no God to judge you. And if there was… how dare he judge you when he broke you before you even had a chance at life? I was like a marked man, destined to have a premature death. I was just hanging around while it came. God it felt so nice to be here. I slowly began to drift way when suddenly I heard voices and looked up slightly. Everything was blurry now but I felt a couple of arms lift me up and carry me inside. I fought against them uselessly.
“Fuck, she’s going to get pneumonia sleeping out here. She pretty out of it. Perhaps we should take her to a hospital…”
“And get her arrested? You heard Gerard… she and the bassist are one screwed up pair. Plus she was my friend.. in high school, she used to come to my house and play cards with my grandma”
The guy who was caring me snickered. “Gerard dares to calls people ‘screw ups’? Let’s just take her home then. Geoff and Sam got in to a huge fight so they won’t even notice... ”
The arms set me down on a soft and warm surface. An engine started. I felt the car move into the wet night. It felt like a second later but I must have been much longer because suddenly I was being jerked into a shower and back into life. I resisted fiercely. I hated when some compassionate bastard picked you up and took care of you not realizing you didn’t give a fuck about waking up or not. They made you puck and shoved things into your stomach attempting to bring you back, listened to all the bullshit that kept slurring of your drunken mind and witnessed the completely and utter destruction of one’s dignity. It was humiliation made action, and as I fought the shower crying, clinging to the very last thread of dignity left in me refusing to accept their care. A pair of hands took hold of my face and forced me to look upwards. It was Mikey Way.
“Isobel! Fuck… stop this!!!!! You are going to fucking die of hypothermia if we don’t get out of the wet clothes and get you warm!”
I stopped fighting and looked at him, trying to remember how I had gotten here. Then I puked in the shower. Another voice comforted me, patting my back slightly and holding my long hair.
“There, there, let it all out. It’s all good. At least you’ve stopped muttering prayers… that was getting very creepy.” Then I must have passed out again because next thing I know I was sleeping in between Frank and Mikey in someone’s sweat pants and tee shirt. I was still too drunk to do anything about it and knew better than to try to run away, I panicked a little thinking they had seen me naked. All my scars and past etched across my body, fully exposed. The humiliation and damage was done; I might as well go back to sleep. Besides Frank’s soft arms around my waist, Mikey’s head nuzzling my neck softly felt so warm and safe. It felt like everything but what it should have: a violation of my privacy, of my body, of my mind. Their embrace should be sickening and degrading but it felt friendly and caring. It made me feel human for the first time in a long time, like I was home with my brothers. I just let myself drown in the uncanny comfort of this couple of almost stranger’s embrace.