‹ Prequel: Alone With You

Fragile

Chapter Eleven.

It was late Tuesday afternoon and I was finally free from the hell hole of a hospital. Since Saturday I had to do fuck loads of tests and I was told that the hormone tablets that I am going to take from now on are only to stop my periods, but still have the fuck off pain. I was also told that I now have a higher risk of getting pregnant again, but like fuck that’s going to happen. Yesterday was the worst day, I had what seemed like a thousand tests ran, they were cutting bits out of my female area to see if I was still fertile or something, I almost kicked my doctor, his face was so close, if I wouldn’t have been arrested then I sure would have.

At the moment I was sat in the front of Brian’s car, still the black BMW, which I find amazing, Brian was driving and Jake and Jordan were arguing about something in the back seats. I smiled, thinking about how I left Brian to cope with this on his own, it was one of them moments where you don’t know if you want to laugh or cry.

“What’s that?” I asked for the thousandth time. Brian said I was like a tourist, but it wasn’t my fault they had built shit loads of crap while I had been out.

“That’s a fountain.” He laughed.

“But where’s the water?”

“Its broke.”

“Well what a waste of good money that was, I thought there was a credit crunch and they are building things that brake?!” I half laughed half yelled.

“I know right, and they built another car park, that’s like twenty dollars a second to park in, so its never used.” He said. I sighed and looked out of the window once more to see we were pulling into Brian’s driveway. I smiled at the memories and jumped out. It only seems like yesterday I was getting into the car in them ridiculous half jeans half tracksuit thing that Johnny bought me. The twins got out of the car and ran up to the front door, still arguing.

“Dad! Do we have to go to school tomorrow?” Jake asked. In the pit of my stomach I felt unusual, sort of sadness and jealously, about the fact that they don’t ask me things like that, and to them they still call me ‘Zacky,’ which I don’t mind, its just like we are friends instead of being family.

“Yes. You do.” He said as he unlocked the door.

“Why?” Jordan asked quietly.

“Because. You have had way too long off, your one of the lucky ones, I agree that school is horrible.”

“That’s because you never turned up.” I laughed as I hung my coat up. He laughed and took the boys into the kitchen. I looked around. Nothing had changed. Nothing. Even the broken lamp was still on the side board. Still broken. I looked around the dining room, it was exactly the same. I smiled and ran upstairs, I saw a sign on the front of one of the doors saying ‘Jake and Jordan’. I walked in and saw that it was the same lilac colour, only a lot messier. I laughed and walked out. I walked down the hall where I came to the room we used to share. Tears welled up as I smiled weakly. I turned the handle to find that it was locked. Why would he lock it?

“Brian, where is the key to this room?” I asked, my voice sounding full as the tears threatened to fall. I heard thumping up the stairs and saw Brian smile at me and disappear into a guest bedroom. He reappeared with a handful of keys. There were loads. He fumbled round and stopped at one, holding it up.

“Why do you have so many?”

“The rest don’t do anything.” he laughed and unlocked the door. I smiled and walked in, my face instantly dropping at what was before me.

The tears freely ran down my face as I saw the messy bed, the deep red sheets with the white stain oh so present, the watch and wristbands in a pile on the table. Eyeliner and other make up on the desk, a mirror with sticky notes on it hung in the middle of the wall. The shopping bags next to the bed were falling over slightly.

Nothing had changed. It was exactly the same as when I left it. I walked over to the bed, the tear stains and eyeliner marks were easy to spot on the pillow. I gently sat on the bed looking back at the door wall.

“Oh my God. You did it.” I said standing up. I walked to the nine pictures on the wall. They were square tiles with a silver frame and polished glass. They were fairly big, big enough to fit the wall. They were of the photo shoot in England that we had for that magazine. I remember the white room, with the white bed, with the white bedding. I looked at the fist one, it was of me with my eyes shut tight. I was pretending to be asleep under the covers. The next one was of Brian kissing my cheek. Then we were making out. Then there was me kissing Brian neck softly. Then I was kissing his chest. Then I was sat up while Brian kissed my stomach. Then I was at in his lap, we were kissing softly. Then Brian was tickling me. And the last one was of me biting the end of his nose.

“That’s my favourite.” he said from behind me pointing at the one where I was sat in his lap. I nodded, the tears running down my cheeks and dripping onto my t-shirt. I lifted my hand and wiped them off my face. This is two extremes, I have gone from a guitarist in a famous band to a wreck who was pregnant, slipped into a coma due to blood loss, and is now crying at everything he sees. I sniffed and turned around walking towards the bed where I sat on the silky fabric. I opened the draws and rummaged around a bit, smiling at the condom packets and the bottles of lube that were in there.

Brian walked over and sat next to me.

“I am so sorry about how things have turned out.” He said tearfully.

“Its okay, but its like, you were there and everything was perfect, and it seems, well to me, like it was overnight. When I first woke up, it could have been overnight, because you look no different. But one minute your there, the next, your not.” I whispered

“And you know, that if I had the choice I would choose to be with you any day-”

“Then why aren’t you, you do have the choice, I am here now.” I said.

“But Denim has been there through so much, she suffered my crying and the arguments about you. She has been a rock through this whole thing, and I love you with every fucking drop of blood inside me, but I just cant do that to her.” He said. My heart broke even more as he told me he still loved me. He shushed me and pulled me into him. I rested my head on his chest and sobbed into his t-shirt.

After about fifteen minutes Brian got up to go and make sure the boys are behaving. I know there is a chance, even if it is very slight, and I know that I am going to fight for it.
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Sorry it has been a while. I have decided that I have seroius writers block on this story. I will update if and when I can, on all my stories. BUT, yes there is good news, I am working on a new story that I will post ASAP. =]

Happy, happy readers.

Yeah, sorry about posting this one a billion times, my laptop had a spaz.