Fragile

Brian was immediately on the phone to Denim, who was treating the whole subject like some joke. This would mean that I would start having periods, eating chocolate whenever I felt down and all that other shit chicks do, and my testosterone would go through the roof and I will be craving sex more than ever. Well, that’s what my doctor told me, so I’m practically a chick who wants to fuck everything I see. My God, I’m going to be like an animal.

“Why cant you just leave him alone,” Brian yelled down the phone. He then threw the phone on the floor and walked over to me.

“Now do you admit she is a bitch?” I asked.

“Yeah, I am so going to end it with her soon,” he laughed. I sighed.

I didn’t want this. Why does my life have to be so damn confusing, why couldn’t I just have a normal life, change it all back to that day I decided not to have the final change in my life and have my womanhood taken out, leaving me a perfect male. I wish I’d of done it now, except for the fact that Jake and Jordan wouldn’t be around. I voiced these opinions to Brian who laughed.

“But, don’t you see, I love you ten times more the way you are than if you were a guy, you have documentaries out and your all over the internet, you are now known all over the world for being the hermaphrodite guitarist that fell into a coma. You changed every rock stars life,” he said.

“What do you mean?”

“I think all the celebrities heard your story and thought ‘wow, being famous doesn’t make you immune to what’s out there’, we sure all did, when I saw you lying in that bed, I never thought it would happen, every time I thought of one of us ending up like that I would think, hey, we’re rock stars, nothing like that could ever happen to us, but it did, now I think that the whole fucking ‘Sex, Drugs and rock ‘n’ roll’ act has completely gone out of the window,” he explained. I leaned into him and smiled.

“I wanna watch the documentary,” I laughed.

“Its God a really bad interview with me in it, I’m balling like a baby, I think I have it on DVD, its in my bag, I think,” he said.

I automatically jumped up and ran to the bunks, the door closing behind me. I opened his bag and dug around, until I grasped the plastic case.

“Zack Baker, the rock star hermaphrodite,” I read aloud. I then laughed at the stupid name, they are seriously running out of names for things.

I walked back to Brian and put the DVD into the player. I sat down and pressed play on the remote.

By half way through the DVD, I was crying, not because it was about me, but because of the stress Brian went through, it showed a month of cameras following Brian and the twins around non-stop, it was like Big Brother, the twins were seven months old and Brian was a walking mess. He looked awful, like he had been beaten up, his eyes were dark and bruised from lack of sleep, and his whole appearance was messy.

“I am so freaking tired, I haven’t showered in six days because while the twins are awake, I cant leave them alone in case something happens,” the Brian on the screen spoke, “And if one of them is asleep you can bet that the other will be wide awake wanting attention,” he cried, both the twins were in his arms and he was softly trying to rock both of them to sleep, “I wasn’t supposed to go through this on my own, I wasn’t planning this, I have literally nobody that has the time for me to have a break from them or anything, all my friends have girlfriends and my parents are too busy to notice.”

The Brian on the screen then turned to put the boys in their cribs, they were both very similar looking, well, all babies are chubby and cute, I guess they are just like the others.

“I love them both so much, but sometimes I just feel like giving up, but Zack wouldn’t want me to do that, he would say that I was too strong to do that. I never thought Synyster Gates would wind up being like this, I’m so depressed and lonely its unreal, and now I’m sat here talking to a camera, the most conversation I’ve had for ages.” He was talking like some drug addict. It was heartbreaking knowing and seeing how depressed he was.

The documentary ended and I cuddled into Brian more, wiping my tears and my nose on his top.

“You did not just wipe your snot on me,” He said.

“Its your fault, fucking been so depressing!” I defended.

“Anyway, I’m tired, its like half one and the guys aren’t back yet. Lets go to bed,” Brian yawned, pulling me up.

I sniffed and wiped my eyes on the back of my hand, following Brian into the bunks where we stripped down to our boxers and lay in Brian’s bunk.

My mind was whizzing through the home videos that featured on the documentary, most were of Brian and the twins with me in hospital, there was one specific one that had the twins lying on my chest, both asleep, and Brian too was asleep. It just looked like a family should be, except for the IV drips and the hospital bed.

“Was it really that bad?” I asked.

“Sort of, I mean, I’d never had much to do with little kids, and then suddenly having two flung at me, I didn’t know what to do,” he sighed.

“Well, guess what?” I laughed.

“What?”

“I’m going to make it up to you, I am going to be the best boyfriend and daddy mommy type thing you’ve ever met,” I said.

“You’re the only daddy mommy type thing that I’ve ever met,” he grinned.

“God, these next few weeks are going to be like puberty all over again, but both types,” I said, draping my arm over my eyes.

“That means you’re going to be super horny, meaning lots and lots of sex,” Brian laughed.

I grinned and closed my eyes. All I could think of was the fact that I was lying here in Brian’s arms while bitch face Denim was sat at home wondering what her beloved boyfriend is up to now.