Fragile

*Brian*
*Flashback*

I smiled as I watched the two tiny boys sleep contently in the little crib made of clear plastic sides. Only an hour old and already tired. I looked over at Zacky who still lay in his hospital bed, still lay unconscious. I felt my heart give way as one of the small boys opened his deep brown eyes and look into mine. The small blue baby clothes hugged his body as the blue hat nested tight on his head. I smiled and reached down into the small crib.

My hand reached out to touch his little chubby face. His skin was so soft and silky, just like Zack’s. I couldn’t help but feel as if everything that had happened was all my fault.
*End Flashback

I sat and watched as Zack played with Jordan on the little etch-a-sketch board. The rest of the guys had left about an hour ago and I had to be home in half an hour to see Jake. I sighed silently to myself as I continued to watch the man play with his son. I don’t think the boys knew what to refer Zacky as, at the moment it was just Zacky to them. I had phoned up the hospital earlier on to see if it was okay for Jordan to sleep over, and after a lot of persuasion they agreed, I mean they should, its only a six year old boy.

“Daddy pass me my bag.” Jordan asked from the bed. I stood up and passed him his back pack and sat on the edge of the bed. I noticed Zack was looking at me.

“You haven’t changed a bit.” he said.

“Looks wise no, maybe a new tattoo or two but I haven’t changed.” I agreed

Me and Zack continued to talk while Jordan struggled into my arms and began hitting my face softly. I was trying to get him to settle down in my arms, him giggling non stop as he found a felt tip pen in his bag and tried to mark me with it. Zack laughed whenever he did get me. I smiled and began messing back, picking him up and turning him upside down. The look on Zack’s face was quite upsetting, like it was all first nature to me now, playing with the boys, but not being too rough, and he was sat there like he didn’t have a clue of what to do.

“Tell me more about your girlfriend then.” he said casually

“What do you want to know, she’s twenty nine, you’ve seen her, and I’ve known her for four years.” I said, I didn’t want to talk about her, I knew that this was hard for him, he didn’t have to rub it in, hell it was hard for me too.

“No, tell…” he began but was cut off by the door opening. I turned and looked to see Helen walk through the doorway.

“Hey there. Is this a good time?” she asked

“Yeah, I guess.” Zack muttered. Jordan looked happy to see her, she had always played some sort of grandmotherly role in their lives.

“Hey little buddy.” she said going over to him.

“I’m hungry.” he said quietly

“I’m gonna go to the cafeteria and get him something to eat.” she said as they both left the room.

A difficult silence fell between us. I shifted slightly in my seat at the end of his bed as he stared at his hands. I moved closer to him, as if being pulled against my will towards him, until our noses brushed. He looked at my face, his gorgeous eyes holding so much behind them. I felt his body relax under me slightly, as if he had never relax before, as he breathed out slowly. My lips moved on their own accord towards his, before they finally met.

It was like our first kiss all over again, the emotion behind it all so intense as his lips locked with mine. I felt his hands trail up my arms and hook around my neck as I moved to straddle him. His tongue slowly found its way into my mouth, and as it came into contact with my own, I had a sudden burst of reality and pulled away. He looked at me and sighed before sitting up again, as if he knew it was too good to be true.

I looked up at him with guilt all over my face, it was sad that I couldn’t be with him, but I was with Denim and I couldn’t forget her after all that she has gone through with me and the twins. I stood up and put my head in my hands. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood up, the t-shirt and pyjama pants falling slightly with the gravity. He stretched and walked over to the water filter, filling up his cup. He ran a hand through his said and sat back on the bed. I looked at him, how could have I ever done such a thing, finding someone else when the one person I truly loved was lying in a hospital bed, and now he is here, I am still fucking things up.

“Remember when you told me that whatever happened you would still be there by my side?” he spoke harshly. It was more of a statement than a question.

That hurt. A lot. I found it so hard not to go over and tell him how I truly feel, just for the sake of not fucking things up with Denim. I mean, she had been my girlfriend much longer than I was with Zack, so that makes a difference, doesn’t it?

“Yeah, but I never thought that you would be in a coma for over six years.” I said back, just as harsh. He looked at me, those green eyes that threatened to overflow with tears. I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around him as he clung to me tightly. He chocked out a sob into my chest.

“I love you.” he cried. I opened my mouth to say it back like a reflex, but the words just didn’t come out.