It all started off as a dare
Chapter Three
Weeks go by until I realise what must have really happened that night of The Party. It’s December 4th, and I’m getting seriously worried. It can’t be true. I can’t be pregnant.
But I think I am. I have all the symptoms. What if I am? No I can’t be.
I carry on as normal, living life just like I did before. But one day I can’t bare it any more. I have to find out the truth, I have to prove myself wrong.
So on the following Saturday, I head into town to buy a pregnancy test. I’m so nervous on the bus, but I whisper words of reassurance to myself. But then people start looking at me, so I stop and continue the whispering in my head. It’ll be fine I tell myself No-one will stare. But I still shake when I’m standing outside Boots, plucking up the courage to go in and buy the thing. I’m just about to back away and go home, telling myself that the whole thing is ridiculous, and that I’m not pregnant, I’m just being silly. But then I think; don’t I need to just make it 100% certain? With the thought of this, I walk inside, quickly grab a test and head to the counter. As I pay for it, I feel so self-conscious, I feel like every eye is on me. Subconsciously, I know of course that this is totally false, but my hold body tremors in anxiety nonetheless. I leave the shop as quickly as possible and shove the test into my bag.
When I get home, I head straight for the toilet. My hands are shaking as I undo the wrapper and hold the test beneath me. The wait for the results was agonizing, but when I read the result, I was in even more agony than I’d ever imagined
POSITIVE
*
I cry myself to sleep that night. All the thoughts rushing through my head as I try to settle down. How could this happen? I would have used protection, I know it. And why would I sleep with Adam anyway? He’s my best friend, for goodness’ sake. But I was drunk. That was why.
I wake up the next morning with a terrible feeling in my stomach. At first, I think it’s just anxiety, but then I realise it’s a mix of nerves and sickness. Morning sickness, I think to myself as I realise that it really is true. I really am carrying Adam’s baby. This is such an odd thought that I have to run to the bathroom to be sick, heaving, vomiting. Ugh... it’s disgusting. I feel so dreadful that I want to die at that moment. Then I hear footsteps. Oh no....
“Jax, you alright?” I hear my mum shout “Have you been sick, darling?”
My heart pounds as she opens the door and finds my head halfway down the loo, vomit all over the seat.
“Yeah, mum. It must have been something I ate...” I lie wildly, desperate to hide any evidence that I am pregnant.
Mum looks puzzled “.
Mum looks puzzled “You didn’t eat anything unusual, last night, did you?”
“Um... I can’t remember...” I say, my eyes swiftly about the room
Mum sits down and puts a hand on my shoulder “Jax, can I ask something?”
My pulse begins to race as I think that maybe she has realised why I was sick. I swallow “Yeah sure, Mum”
“Don’t lie to me, Jax, promise me you’ll tell the truth,” I nod, ultra nervous “But, have you been drinking, Jax?”
I must have looked so surprised by this that she thought it was true. Really, I was relieved that she had guessed wrong.
“You have, haven’t you?” She presses
Then I realise an easy way out
“Mum, I’m so sorry...” I begin “I didn’t mean to let you down...”
“Honestly darling, you don’t know what you’re doing to your health by drinking. So many people die from alcohol poisoning, you know...” At this moment she swings her arms round me “I’m just worried, Jax. I don’t want you to hurt yourself!” She sobs into my ear
“Mum, I’ll stop, I promise... I’m so sorry, mum” I’m putting this act on, but behind this ‘alcoholic’ face, lies a relieved mind. I regret that I’ve made mum so upset, but those feelings are drowned by the relief that she doesn’t know yet that, inside me, I am carrying a child. Adam’s child...
But I think I am. I have all the symptoms. What if I am? No I can’t be.
I carry on as normal, living life just like I did before. But one day I can’t bare it any more. I have to find out the truth, I have to prove myself wrong.
So on the following Saturday, I head into town to buy a pregnancy test. I’m so nervous on the bus, but I whisper words of reassurance to myself. But then people start looking at me, so I stop and continue the whispering in my head. It’ll be fine I tell myself No-one will stare. But I still shake when I’m standing outside Boots, plucking up the courage to go in and buy the thing. I’m just about to back away and go home, telling myself that the whole thing is ridiculous, and that I’m not pregnant, I’m just being silly. But then I think; don’t I need to just make it 100% certain? With the thought of this, I walk inside, quickly grab a test and head to the counter. As I pay for it, I feel so self-conscious, I feel like every eye is on me. Subconsciously, I know of course that this is totally false, but my hold body tremors in anxiety nonetheless. I leave the shop as quickly as possible and shove the test into my bag.
When I get home, I head straight for the toilet. My hands are shaking as I undo the wrapper and hold the test beneath me. The wait for the results was agonizing, but when I read the result, I was in even more agony than I’d ever imagined
POSITIVE
*
I cry myself to sleep that night. All the thoughts rushing through my head as I try to settle down. How could this happen? I would have used protection, I know it. And why would I sleep with Adam anyway? He’s my best friend, for goodness’ sake. But I was drunk. That was why.
I wake up the next morning with a terrible feeling in my stomach. At first, I think it’s just anxiety, but then I realise it’s a mix of nerves and sickness. Morning sickness, I think to myself as I realise that it really is true. I really am carrying Adam’s baby. This is such an odd thought that I have to run to the bathroom to be sick, heaving, vomiting. Ugh... it’s disgusting. I feel so dreadful that I want to die at that moment. Then I hear footsteps. Oh no....
“Jax, you alright?” I hear my mum shout “Have you been sick, darling?”
My heart pounds as she opens the door and finds my head halfway down the loo, vomit all over the seat.
“Yeah, mum. It must have been something I ate...” I lie wildly, desperate to hide any evidence that I am pregnant.
Mum looks puzzled “.
Mum looks puzzled “You didn’t eat anything unusual, last night, did you?”
“Um... I can’t remember...” I say, my eyes swiftly about the room
Mum sits down and puts a hand on my shoulder “Jax, can I ask something?”
My pulse begins to race as I think that maybe she has realised why I was sick. I swallow “Yeah sure, Mum”
“Don’t lie to me, Jax, promise me you’ll tell the truth,” I nod, ultra nervous “But, have you been drinking, Jax?”
I must have looked so surprised by this that she thought it was true. Really, I was relieved that she had guessed wrong.
“You have, haven’t you?” She presses
Then I realise an easy way out
“Mum, I’m so sorry...” I begin “I didn’t mean to let you down...”
“Honestly darling, you don’t know what you’re doing to your health by drinking. So many people die from alcohol poisoning, you know...” At this moment she swings her arms round me “I’m just worried, Jax. I don’t want you to hurt yourself!” She sobs into my ear
“Mum, I’ll stop, I promise... I’m so sorry, mum” I’m putting this act on, but behind this ‘alcoholic’ face, lies a relieved mind. I regret that I’ve made mum so upset, but those feelings are drowned by the relief that she doesn’t know yet that, inside me, I am carrying a child. Adam’s child...