What Happens When You Die?

It was sometime between 5 to 10 in the morning.

I lay fully clothed in a bath tub filled with ice cold water.

I don’t actually know why I was in a bath tub fully clothed filled with ice water.

I just opened my eyes and there I was, almost fully submerged with only my eyes and nose above the water level.

Maybe my subconscious was trying to do something I was too scared to do.

Maybe my subconscious was trying to end my suffering.

Now that would be nice.

I shook the horrifying thoughts out of my head.

I hoisted myself out of the water and dragged my numb, uncooperating body out of my bathroom.

I threw some clothes on; not caring if they were dirty or not.

My stomach growled viciously.

I didn’t think I’d be able to survive much longer without eating something.

I slowly walked out of my room and down the stairs, only tripping once.

I reached my kitchen and went straight to my refrigerator.

There was nothing in there.

Though I guess deep down I really didn’t care.

I looked in the cupboards.

Nothing.

I looked in the pantry.

Nothing.

I sighed.

I looked inside a small junk drawer, which held odds and ends.

I searched through it and eventually found what I was looking for: three small bags of Skittles.

Their bite size rainbow candies used to bring me such joy.

Now all they bring me is a few more days of life.

I sighed again and ate them while wondering if it was worth it.

The Skittles wouldn’t last long.

What would happen when they were gone?

Would I die?

Would I starve to death and die?

Probably.

But maybe that’s not so bad.

Maybe if I were to die I’d finally be happy again.

No!

I can’t think like that.

I won’t think like that.

I’m stronger then that.

No I’m not. That’s a lie. I’m a liar. Just like he said I am.

No! I am strong! I’m not a liar.

I’m not a liar.

I’m not a liar.

I’m not a liar.

I’m not a liar.

Silence.

All around me was silence as I sat in my kitchen with an empty Skittle wrapper laying in front of me.

Look at me.

I’m but a shell of that man I once was.

And it’s all his fault.

He’s the one who did this.

He’s the one who broke me into so many pieces that even the most skilled puzzle master couldn’t put me back together.

All his fault.

He haunts me.

His beautiful eyes.

His beautiful hair.

His beautiful skin.

So beautiful you’d think he wasn’t real.

But he was.

Not anymore though.

I smiled bitterly at my thoughts.

I opened my mouth.

My tongue and lips forming the words that have been plaguing my mind for what seems like forever:

“What happens when you die?”