Status: Discontinued.
The Boy Who Looked Like a Girl
Part Twelve
Ville didn't come to school the next day. And as much as Bam wanted to claim he was happy about it, it was tearing him up inside. He didn't know why he wanted to be with someone who didn't want him back . . . except that he knew Ville did.
The blue eyed boy was sitting in a desk, serving an in-school suspension for leaving the school grounds the day before. He stared out the window, legs swinging. He was ignoring the open text book in front of him, ignoring the glares the teacher in charge was giving him.
April had nearly killed him last night when he finally got home. The words about how Ville might not be the best influence on him faded in and out as Bam picked the black nail polish off his fingernails.
And now all he could think about was where the green eyed boy was.
* * *
Ville was sitting on his bed, smoking a cigarette and staring at himself in the mirror. He'd taken even more pills after he'd left the school the day before, hating himself for the look in those blue eyes.
The toll the pills had taken on him was quite obvious. I don't want to be a drug addict. It'll just be one more thing I'm not strong enough to stop.
Ville wanted so much . . . and never got what he wanted. He wanted to tell Bam what was wrong, why he acted the way he did. He wanted to pull the blue eyed boy into his arms and kiss him until he couldn't walk straight. He wanted to not need to take the pills.
He wanted to look like a boy.
If I looked like a boy I could kiss him. And I wouldn't need the drugs and there wouldn't be any secrets.
The doorbell started Ville out of his thoughts. He glanced at the clock, wondering where the last five hours had gone. He slipped his hoodie on before stumbling through the house and opening the front door.
"Ryan?" His face was a look of pure shock. He hadn't expected anyone to show up here to talk to him. Ever. And he never would have expected Ryan to go out of his way to find him.
"Either let me in or come out here." he said. "I don't want you slamming the door when I start saying what you don't want to hear."
Ville hesitated for a moment. The other boy's eyes were serious, too serious. Like his own. He stepped outside, shutting the door behind him. "Yeah?"
"Bam's one of my best friends." Ryan said without hesitation. "I've known him since we were kids and I know when something's bothering him. I don't know what's going on between you two. If you're dating or whatever and I don't really give a shit." Ville bit the inside of his cheek to keep from snapping back. "And I get that sometimes Bam seems too young for his age, with all that innocent bullshit." He waved his hand impatiently. "But whatever the fuck you're telling him or not telling him . . . do the opposite. He's got to figure it out sometime and he might as well find out from a friend than a random stranger how fucked up everything is."
Ville lowered his eyes, not saying anything.
"Think about it." Ryan said. "Because if you fuck him up anymore the world's going to get a little more screwed up." And with that he turned and left, Ville staring at him with his confused green eyes.
* * *
Ville was standing by the window, arms crossed, squinting against the sunlight as he smoked a cigarette. He winced as he moved, the cuts still raw. Moving across the room, he slipped two wristbands on. He glanced at himself in the mirror, leaning forward and putting his cigarette out on his reflection.
Ville opened his dresser drawer, pulling out the two pictures he had taken with Bam in the photo booth at the mall. They had been almost reckless after Ville made his confession, as if Bam wanted to make sure he had no energy left to lift a pill to his mouth. Biting his lip to keep from crying, Ville shoved the photographs back in his dresser, shutting the drawer.
I'm nothing but bad for you, Bam Margera. He sank onto his bed, burying his face in his hands. How do you make me want you so much?
Ryan's words had been playing back and forth in his head all day. And between the two choice he had given Ville, the boy who looked like a girl was considering all the possible ways to get expelled.
If he would have known this was how it was going to end he never would have gone to Bam's house after school that day. He never should have let himself get so close to a person. He knew when he let those blue eyes in that Bam would either be like Aleksi or become something else entirely.
And he had. Bam had become the lock on the chain around his ankle, ensuring he would never be let go.
* * *
"Bam, you can't stay locked in there forever." April said, knocking on her son's bedroom door.
"Yes, I can." came the reply, the same as it had been the hour before.
"Bam, if you keep acting like this you can't see Ville anymore."
Bam threw his shoe at the door. "Well, he doesn't want to see me anymore so you're going to get your fucking wish. Now leave me alone!" he pulled the covers back over his head, humming to get the voices battling back and forth in his head to shut up.
Ville loves you. He just has a secret he doesn't want you to know.
Why would Ville like you? He's perfect and you're just a stupid little skateboarder.
And then Bam started crying again. He crawled out of bed and pulled on a jacket, putting the shoe he had thrown at the door back on his left foot. Then he opened his window and slipped outside.
* * *
Ville pulled the pictures of him and Bam out again, running his fingers over the blue eyed boy's face. Fighting tears, he tore the paper down the middle, then tore it again. Over and over until all the pieces fell to the floor, along with his cigarette.
Ville's eyes flew open and he levitated when he heard a fist pounding on the glass window next to his bed. Turning, his mouth opened slightly, eyes filling with hurt as the blue eyed boy took off down the street.
"Bammie . . . no." Ville didn't even bother to slip on a pair of shoes as he ran through the house, shoving open the door and running after the boy in front of him. "Bam!" he called.
But the other boy didn't stop.Why do I want you so much? Why do I want you as much as you don't want me?
But he stopped running as soon as he stopped hearing Ville's footfalls behind him. He turned slowly, almost terrified of what he would see.
* * *
Ville forgot when he stopped moving, when he just stood there staring at everything he was once, everything he had broken running away from him.Maybe . . . maybe this is how it's supposed to be. Maybe I won't hurt you anymore if I let you go now.
"Promise me you'll never be like me." he breathed to the wind. "Never ever. Promise me."
* * *
Bam stood there, horrified as he watched Ville whispering silently to himself. But then his attention was drawn to something else. Confused, anger temporarily forgotten, he moved toward his friend.Is that blood?
"Ville." Two green eyes stared at him, dripping with fear. "You're bleeding."
And then Ville ran.
* * *
Bam sat bolt upright in bed, a silent scream frozen on his lips. He stumbled out of bed, tripping over a skateboard. He got back up, hand stinging as he fumbled for the door in the dark. Opening it, he walked through the dark hallway, slowly opening the door to his parents' room.
Biting his lip, he knelt next to his mom's side of the bed. He reached out his hand, gently shaking her shoulder. "Mom?" he whispered.
Slowly, April's eyes opened, then grew worried. "Bam? What is it? Are you all right? Are you sick?"
Bam shook his head quickly, bottom lip trembling. "Something's wrong with Ville." he said softly. "We've got to go over there now."
April's _expression quickly went from worried to slightly annoyed. "Bam it's too early for these games."
"Fine." Bam said, standing up. "I'll just walk."
"You won't do any such thing." she said, sitting up. "It's three in the morning. Go back to bed. You'll see Ville in school tomorrow."
"Something's wrong." Bam insisted. "Really wrong, Mom. I'm not kidding."
"And how do you know something's wrong?"
Bam shook his head. "I don't know." Tears sprung to his eyes. "I just do. Please, Mom? Please?"
* * *
Bam ran straight into the house when he saw that both of the Taylors' cars were gone. And when his mother stepped through the door after him, her face turned the same color as the new moon outside.
The blue eyed boy was sitting in a desk, serving an in-school suspension for leaving the school grounds the day before. He stared out the window, legs swinging. He was ignoring the open text book in front of him, ignoring the glares the teacher in charge was giving him.
April had nearly killed him last night when he finally got home. The words about how Ville might not be the best influence on him faded in and out as Bam picked the black nail polish off his fingernails.
And now all he could think about was where the green eyed boy was.
* * *
Ville was sitting on his bed, smoking a cigarette and staring at himself in the mirror. He'd taken even more pills after he'd left the school the day before, hating himself for the look in those blue eyes.
The toll the pills had taken on him was quite obvious. I don't want to be a drug addict. It'll just be one more thing I'm not strong enough to stop.
Ville wanted so much . . . and never got what he wanted. He wanted to tell Bam what was wrong, why he acted the way he did. He wanted to pull the blue eyed boy into his arms and kiss him until he couldn't walk straight. He wanted to not need to take the pills.
He wanted to look like a boy.
If I looked like a boy I could kiss him. And I wouldn't need the drugs and there wouldn't be any secrets.
The doorbell started Ville out of his thoughts. He glanced at the clock, wondering where the last five hours had gone. He slipped his hoodie on before stumbling through the house and opening the front door.
"Ryan?" His face was a look of pure shock. He hadn't expected anyone to show up here to talk to him. Ever. And he never would have expected Ryan to go out of his way to find him.
"Either let me in or come out here." he said. "I don't want you slamming the door when I start saying what you don't want to hear."
Ville hesitated for a moment. The other boy's eyes were serious, too serious. Like his own. He stepped outside, shutting the door behind him. "Yeah?"
"Bam's one of my best friends." Ryan said without hesitation. "I've known him since we were kids and I know when something's bothering him. I don't know what's going on between you two. If you're dating or whatever and I don't really give a shit." Ville bit the inside of his cheek to keep from snapping back. "And I get that sometimes Bam seems too young for his age, with all that innocent bullshit." He waved his hand impatiently. "But whatever the fuck you're telling him or not telling him . . . do the opposite. He's got to figure it out sometime and he might as well find out from a friend than a random stranger how fucked up everything is."
Ville lowered his eyes, not saying anything.
"Think about it." Ryan said. "Because if you fuck him up anymore the world's going to get a little more screwed up." And with that he turned and left, Ville staring at him with his confused green eyes.
* * *
Ville was standing by the window, arms crossed, squinting against the sunlight as he smoked a cigarette. He winced as he moved, the cuts still raw. Moving across the room, he slipped two wristbands on. He glanced at himself in the mirror, leaning forward and putting his cigarette out on his reflection.
Ville opened his dresser drawer, pulling out the two pictures he had taken with Bam in the photo booth at the mall. They had been almost reckless after Ville made his confession, as if Bam wanted to make sure he had no energy left to lift a pill to his mouth. Biting his lip to keep from crying, Ville shoved the photographs back in his dresser, shutting the drawer.
I'm nothing but bad for you, Bam Margera. He sank onto his bed, burying his face in his hands. How do you make me want you so much?
Ryan's words had been playing back and forth in his head all day. And between the two choice he had given Ville, the boy who looked like a girl was considering all the possible ways to get expelled.
If he would have known this was how it was going to end he never would have gone to Bam's house after school that day. He never should have let himself get so close to a person. He knew when he let those blue eyes in that Bam would either be like Aleksi or become something else entirely.
And he had. Bam had become the lock on the chain around his ankle, ensuring he would never be let go.
* * *
"Bam, you can't stay locked in there forever." April said, knocking on her son's bedroom door.
"Yes, I can." came the reply, the same as it had been the hour before.
"Bam, if you keep acting like this you can't see Ville anymore."
Bam threw his shoe at the door. "Well, he doesn't want to see me anymore so you're going to get your fucking wish. Now leave me alone!" he pulled the covers back over his head, humming to get the voices battling back and forth in his head to shut up.
Ville loves you. He just has a secret he doesn't want you to know.
Why would Ville like you? He's perfect and you're just a stupid little skateboarder.
And then Bam started crying again. He crawled out of bed and pulled on a jacket, putting the shoe he had thrown at the door back on his left foot. Then he opened his window and slipped outside.
* * *
Ville pulled the pictures of him and Bam out again, running his fingers over the blue eyed boy's face. Fighting tears, he tore the paper down the middle, then tore it again. Over and over until all the pieces fell to the floor, along with his cigarette.
Ville's eyes flew open and he levitated when he heard a fist pounding on the glass window next to his bed. Turning, his mouth opened slightly, eyes filling with hurt as the blue eyed boy took off down the street.
"Bammie . . . no." Ville didn't even bother to slip on a pair of shoes as he ran through the house, shoving open the door and running after the boy in front of him. "Bam!" he called.
But the other boy didn't stop.Why do I want you so much? Why do I want you as much as you don't want me?
But he stopped running as soon as he stopped hearing Ville's footfalls behind him. He turned slowly, almost terrified of what he would see.
* * *
Ville forgot when he stopped moving, when he just stood there staring at everything he was once, everything he had broken running away from him.Maybe . . . maybe this is how it's supposed to be. Maybe I won't hurt you anymore if I let you go now.
"Promise me you'll never be like me." he breathed to the wind. "Never ever. Promise me."
* * *
Bam stood there, horrified as he watched Ville whispering silently to himself. But then his attention was drawn to something else. Confused, anger temporarily forgotten, he moved toward his friend.Is that blood?
"Ville." Two green eyes stared at him, dripping with fear. "You're bleeding."
And then Ville ran.
* * *
Bam sat bolt upright in bed, a silent scream frozen on his lips. He stumbled out of bed, tripping over a skateboard. He got back up, hand stinging as he fumbled for the door in the dark. Opening it, he walked through the dark hallway, slowly opening the door to his parents' room.
Biting his lip, he knelt next to his mom's side of the bed. He reached out his hand, gently shaking her shoulder. "Mom?" he whispered.
Slowly, April's eyes opened, then grew worried. "Bam? What is it? Are you all right? Are you sick?"
Bam shook his head quickly, bottom lip trembling. "Something's wrong with Ville." he said softly. "We've got to go over there now."
April's _expression quickly went from worried to slightly annoyed. "Bam it's too early for these games."
"Fine." Bam said, standing up. "I'll just walk."
"You won't do any such thing." she said, sitting up. "It's three in the morning. Go back to bed. You'll see Ville in school tomorrow."
"Something's wrong." Bam insisted. "Really wrong, Mom. I'm not kidding."
"And how do you know something's wrong?"
Bam shook his head. "I don't know." Tears sprung to his eyes. "I just do. Please, Mom? Please?"
* * *
Bam ran straight into the house when he saw that both of the Taylors' cars were gone. And when his mother stepped through the door after him, her face turned the same color as the new moon outside.