Beneath the Glass

Alex and I have fun, but I can’t stop comparing it to the fun I had with William. It wasn’t fair to compare them, because one had been a date and the other had just been lunch. There was a line and no matter how thin, I had to remember not to cross it. Nicole meant too much to me. After our date, Alex and I opt to walk the short distance back to my place instead of taking a cab. Alex had shed his blazer and it was now hanging over his shoulder. We were walking happily along, hand in hand, with huge smiles on our faces.

Nothing had happened between us though; we were just two friends who were smiling blissfully at the world for no reason. We talk about trivial things and then more important things, but each time Alex asks about my mother I remained tight lipped. Eventually he gets the hint and stops asking, but I can tell that it bothers him. My mother was just one of those few subjects I was uncomfortable with. Once we’re inside Alex stops me on the staircase and his smile falters a bit.

“Angie-” he begins uncertainly, but I have to interrupt.

“Why don’t we skip the doorstep awkwardness?” I suggest, leaning closer to him. I don’t even care that I’m nowhere near ready for a relationship and that I might be leading him on, I kiss Alex.

This kiss is nowhere as innocent as our last. Alex pulls me closer by my belt loop and I wrap my hands around his neck. I open my mouth to accept his tongue as his body presses against mine. Alex finally pulls away, breathing very heavily but looking quite satisfied. We head up the staircase, stopping every few flights to have an impromptu make out session.

When we get back upstairs, Alex stops me in front of the door and smiles mischievously, before kissing me again. I hear a door open, but I don’t pull away, hoping that it’d be Jake and he’d get the message. “Angela!” a voice hisses and I reluctantly pull away to face my mom. She looks horrified to say the least and she was glancing between the two of us with absolute contempt in her eyes.

“Mom, hi! This is-” I begin, latching onto Alex’s hand.

“The point of me visiting you is to make sure that you are being a role model for your sister and trying to act responsibly,” she interrupts.

I drop Alex’s hand at her tone and look down at my feet. “All you have done today is prove that you are an irresponsible child and entirely unfit to be a guardian for your sister, much less a role model,” she continues.

“I’m not a child,” I mumble.

“You think you’re an adult Angela? Well fine, you can pay your own rent,” she adds and I instantly look up at her.

“Wait mom that’s not what I meant!” I exclaim, causing Nicole to poke her head out of the door. “What’s going on?” she asks slowly.

“Well, your sister thinks she’s an adult and we adults pay our own rent,” Carla explains, causing Nicole to blanch. “No, we need that money!”

At this point Alex, tells me he’ll stop by later and quickly leaves, while turning awful shades of scarlet. Well that was one number I’d have to “lose”.

“What could you need that money for? Angela just got a promotion right?” she asks.

“I lost my job when Jake broke up with me,” I admit quietly.

“Angela! How dare you lie to me?!” she hisses, before raising her hand to slap me.

“Pathetic,” she mutters, before stalking off. My cheek stings; my cheek stings and throbs and turns ugly shades of crimson.

“Angie,” Nicole begins, but her voice is filled with pity. She doesn’t finish her sentence though. She just stares at me with this horrible expression of commiseration. I can’t take it.

I push past Nicole in a botched attempt to hide my tears but it doesn’t work. “Angie!” she calls, chasing after me.

I run into my room and slam the door behind me, almost colliding with William. I have no words left in me so I can’t even tell William to get out or ask why he’s in my room, instead I just point to the door. “What happened?” he asks, pulling me into a hug.

I want to push him away, I do, but I just can’t see the point anymore. As much as I wanted to run into the nearest bar and get wasted, I was tired of waking up alone and still aching. No matter how many guys I fucked or drinks I consumed, my cheek would still throb and in the morning, I would still be pathetic, useless Angela. But William made me feel better; I couldn’t deny that fact. William tightens his grip on my waist and murmurs that everything will be fine.

“How can you expect me to believe that?!” I shout, pushing William away from me. The tears starts to start fall even faster now and I instinctively turn away from William to hide them.

“Hey, don’t cry,” William says, grabbing my arm.

“Why shouldn’t I? My own mother thinks I’m pathetic,” I hiss, swatting his hand away.

“So prove her wrong,” he suggests and I shoot him glare. It was never that easy with my mother, but then again I’d never tried.

“No,” I answer and William furrows his brow.

“Why not?”

“Just drop it,” I retort.

“Just tell me why you won’t.”

“No.”

“Angie-”

“No.”

“Just tell me!” he exclaims, in frustration.

“I can’t!” I cry out but William isn’t satisfied with this answer.

“What do you mean you can’t? You-” he begins, probably in an attempt to encourage me.

“I can’t. I can’t prove her wrong, when she’s right,” I mumble and the horrible realization of that fact is enough to make me start crying all over again. William was doing a crappy job of cheering me up.

William grabs my face in his hands, “You can, fuck, I know you can.”

I stare at him in confusion. He seemed so sure of it, almost livid at my denial and his brown eyes were vibrant and shining. It scared me, how much a near stranger could believe in me.

“How do you know?” I ask.

“I just do,” he says, a strange smile gracing his face.

“And what if you’re wrong? What if I can’t do it?” I inquire, as William rests his forehead against my own. I was teetering way too dangerously on that sacred line between friendship and something more. I could not kiss him. I couldn’t do that to my own sister.

“You can,” he answers, as Nicole starts knocking on my door.

“Angie! Is William in there?” William never looks away from my face but he seems uncertain.

“Go,” I order and William sighs before leaving my room.

What the fuck just happened?