No More Secrets, No More Lies
Chapter 4
“What does he know?” I asked, breaking the silence. Everyone looked at me, I’m not stupid, they all think I’m still a kid. But I can handle anything and everything. “Don’t try and sugar coat it. I wanna know the truth and I wanna know it now.” I demanded; Val kept quite. All the kids and extended families seemed to have disappeared from the garden.
Everyone looked as shocked as I was. Even my grandparents looked pretty shocked, and they’ve seen a lot of crazy shit with all of us. “You don’t need to know.” Jimmy said softly.
“Yes I do.” I shouted, “I need to know because I can’t keep living like there is nothing wrong in the house I live in, like there’s nothing wrong with my mom, like there’s nothing wrong with my fucking life in general. I need to know what the hell is going on.”
“Kay, please-”
“Don’t Kay me,” I cut off Jimmy, I wasn’t having any of it. “Since Val obviously doesn’t want to tell me, why don’t you tell me, dad? Tell me on my eighteenth birthday? Well by the looks of things it is my eighteenth birthday so tell me. I bet Matt did give a flying fuck when he found out did he, dad?”
“Katie, don’t do this. We can talk about this later.” Val softly spoke. I turned to her, tears in my eyes. I shook my head, I couldn’t keep doing this, I needed to know. “Don’t make a scene, people don’t need to know. Please?” she begged, whispering.
“I can’t help it. Three months you and Matt have been acting like neither of you exist. Even when you acknowledge each other, it’s to have a shouting match. I don’t need that every day and your kids don’t need it either.”
No one spoke, actually a few people left the back garden. Gena was standing right beside me, her arm around my waist trying to pull me away. I wanted to just scream at everyone. I was not a child. I’m a grown adult and they’re treating me as though nothing is wrong and nothing ever happened.
“When did you cheat on Matt?”
“When did I-?” she sounded shocked. Matt rolled his eyes and glared at me. “Who told you?” I didn’t have to answer, her eyes just looked to what I was glaring back at. “You didn-. Jesus Christ, you fucking told her Matt. After I told you not to, you promised me you wouldn’t -”
“Yes I told her,” he hissed, his anger getting the better of him. “But I didn’t tell her with who or the rest of the story did I? No. Maybe you should tell her. Don’t you think it’s about time you told her?”
Val, Matt and Jimmy all started shouting at each other at the same time. Everyone else joined in trying to figure out what the hell was happening.
“Sweetheart, I think you should go inside-”
“I can’t Gena, I need to know.” I told her. “When?” I shouted over everyone else.
Val and Jimmy looked at each other. “Nine months before you where born.” Jimmy finally spoke.
“But I was born at eight months…” Val was shaking her head. “What the hell?”
“Your where born at nine months not eight…”
“Does that mean Jimmy’s not my dad?”
“He is your dad.” She confirmed. “I slept with Jimmy at a party, before Matt broke up with me. He didn’t know up until when your dad told him three months ago. I wasn’t meant to get pregnant, but that’s what I get for cheating. I’m sorry baby.” She whispered the last part to me. “I didn’t want you find out like this…”
“That’s rich, ‘didn’t mean for me to find out like this’ or didn’t want me to ever find out about this?” I chocked on my breath. “Where you ever gonna tell me? Val, care to answer?” she looked to me, crying. I felt hurt, wounded but most of all betrayed. “I guess I’ll take that as a no then.” I picked up my bag and keys. “Happy fucking birthday to me.” I shouted sourly.
I walked quickly out to the cars, going directly to me. I could hear a couple of people following me there was no way in hell I was stopping for them or for any body else. I got to my ’69 Dodge Charger. I unlocked the doors and got in. Gena got in as well. I didn’t say anything, I couldn’t. So I just drove, trying my best to hold it together. Not for my family, not for Gena. But for me.
I flicked on the radio, heading out of HB, driving up north. I couldn’t stand the silence, if Gena weren’t here I would have probably broke down crying. But I didn’t want her to pity me.
I ran away today, ran from the noise, ran away
Don't wanna go back to that place, but don't have
no choice, no way.
I changed straight away, I didn’t need to listen to this sad shit, I needed something happy and up beat.
And I leave behind
This hurricane of fucking lies
I lost my faith to this
This town that don't exist
So I run, I run away.
I flicked the station again; I didn’t need to listen to crap that explains my life. I needed something non sappy, something raw. We stopped at the lights and I let go of the wheel. Staring into the darkening sky.
I can't seem to fight these feelings
I'm caught in the middle of this
And my wounds are not healing
I'm stuck in between my parents
I wish I had someone to talk to
Someone I could confide in
I just wanna know the truth.
“For fucks sake!” I screamed, hitting the radio as hard as I could. “Piece of fucking shit!”
“Hey, hey, hey.” Gena said, grabbing my hands. “It’s okay Katie.” My lip began trembling and I was shaking my head, trying to fight the tears back. “You can cry, babe, cry all you want.” She said softly. “Just cry Katie, cry.” She flicked the hair out of my eyes as the tears trailed down my cheeks. She forced me into a hug and leaned on my shoulder and whispered. “I’m here for you, babe.”
Everyone looked as shocked as I was. Even my grandparents looked pretty shocked, and they’ve seen a lot of crazy shit with all of us. “You don’t need to know.” Jimmy said softly.
“Yes I do.” I shouted, “I need to know because I can’t keep living like there is nothing wrong in the house I live in, like there’s nothing wrong with my mom, like there’s nothing wrong with my fucking life in general. I need to know what the hell is going on.”
“Kay, please-”
“Don’t Kay me,” I cut off Jimmy, I wasn’t having any of it. “Since Val obviously doesn’t want to tell me, why don’t you tell me, dad? Tell me on my eighteenth birthday? Well by the looks of things it is my eighteenth birthday so tell me. I bet Matt did give a flying fuck when he found out did he, dad?”
“Katie, don’t do this. We can talk about this later.” Val softly spoke. I turned to her, tears in my eyes. I shook my head, I couldn’t keep doing this, I needed to know. “Don’t make a scene, people don’t need to know. Please?” she begged, whispering.
“I can’t help it. Three months you and Matt have been acting like neither of you exist. Even when you acknowledge each other, it’s to have a shouting match. I don’t need that every day and your kids don’t need it either.”
No one spoke, actually a few people left the back garden. Gena was standing right beside me, her arm around my waist trying to pull me away. I wanted to just scream at everyone. I was not a child. I’m a grown adult and they’re treating me as though nothing is wrong and nothing ever happened.
“When did you cheat on Matt?”
“When did I-?” she sounded shocked. Matt rolled his eyes and glared at me. “Who told you?” I didn’t have to answer, her eyes just looked to what I was glaring back at. “You didn-. Jesus Christ, you fucking told her Matt. After I told you not to, you promised me you wouldn’t -”
“Yes I told her,” he hissed, his anger getting the better of him. “But I didn’t tell her with who or the rest of the story did I? No. Maybe you should tell her. Don’t you think it’s about time you told her?”
Val, Matt and Jimmy all started shouting at each other at the same time. Everyone else joined in trying to figure out what the hell was happening.
“Sweetheart, I think you should go inside-”
“I can’t Gena, I need to know.” I told her. “When?” I shouted over everyone else.
Val and Jimmy looked at each other. “Nine months before you where born.” Jimmy finally spoke.
“But I was born at eight months…” Val was shaking her head. “What the hell?”
“Your where born at nine months not eight…”
“Does that mean Jimmy’s not my dad?”
“He is your dad.” She confirmed. “I slept with Jimmy at a party, before Matt broke up with me. He didn’t know up until when your dad told him three months ago. I wasn’t meant to get pregnant, but that’s what I get for cheating. I’m sorry baby.” She whispered the last part to me. “I didn’t want you find out like this…”
“That’s rich, ‘didn’t mean for me to find out like this’ or didn’t want me to ever find out about this?” I chocked on my breath. “Where you ever gonna tell me? Val, care to answer?” she looked to me, crying. I felt hurt, wounded but most of all betrayed. “I guess I’ll take that as a no then.” I picked up my bag and keys. “Happy fucking birthday to me.” I shouted sourly.
I walked quickly out to the cars, going directly to me. I could hear a couple of people following me there was no way in hell I was stopping for them or for any body else. I got to my ’69 Dodge Charger. I unlocked the doors and got in. Gena got in as well. I didn’t say anything, I couldn’t. So I just drove, trying my best to hold it together. Not for my family, not for Gena. But for me.
I flicked on the radio, heading out of HB, driving up north. I couldn’t stand the silence, if Gena weren’t here I would have probably broke down crying. But I didn’t want her to pity me.
I ran away today, ran from the noise, ran away
Don't wanna go back to that place, but don't have
no choice, no way.
I changed straight away, I didn’t need to listen to this sad shit, I needed something happy and up beat.
And I leave behind
This hurricane of fucking lies
I lost my faith to this
This town that don't exist
So I run, I run away.
I flicked the station again; I didn’t need to listen to crap that explains my life. I needed something non sappy, something raw. We stopped at the lights and I let go of the wheel. Staring into the darkening sky.
I can't seem to fight these feelings
I'm caught in the middle of this
And my wounds are not healing
I'm stuck in between my parents
I wish I had someone to talk to
Someone I could confide in
I just wanna know the truth.
“For fucks sake!” I screamed, hitting the radio as hard as I could. “Piece of fucking shit!”
“Hey, hey, hey.” Gena said, grabbing my hands. “It’s okay Katie.” My lip began trembling and I was shaking my head, trying to fight the tears back. “You can cry, babe, cry all you want.” She said softly. “Just cry Katie, cry.” She flicked the hair out of my eyes as the tears trailed down my cheeks. She forced me into a hug and leaned on my shoulder and whispered. “I’m here for you, babe.”
♠ ♠ ♠
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