How to Get New Friends

Most of us have moved to another city, changed school, started a new hobby, or just had a situation when we have needed new friends. Making new friends can be extremely exciting, some are even afraid of it, but it's something you'll learn with time and practice. I just started my studies with complete strangers and these tips worked for me.

Be Yourself

Let's start from the most important thing: Be yourself. Be the person you really are. Because if you pretend to be someone else, your new friends will expect you to be the person you pretend to be, for the whole time, and you won't be able to be your own self around them. Friendships should be based on truth, and pretending is kind of lying, as you are not showing them the real you. This can be really scary. Most of us think of questions like: "What if they don't like me as I am?" or "What if they think I am weird?" If you are doing this, stop it. You are making life difficult with "what if"s and "but"s. I realised one thing, and it has helped me alot. I don't have to please everyone. Not everyone is going to think I am smart, or nice, or pretty. Not everyone is going to be my friend, or even like me. But I don't have to change for them. There will be people who will accept me as I am. And those are the true friends. You don't have to change for a true friend.

People Won't Bite

When you start in a new school, or in a new job, you'll need to be really active. You'll need to be the one to start conversations. Some people may come and talk to you, but just waiting is not a good way of getting new friends. Friendship is a kind of relationship, and you'll need to work for it. It took me this long to realise that people won't bite. Start a conversation with them and just go with it. It might be very hard and difficult and unpleasant at first, but you'll make it. Just remember to smile, say hello and that's already a start. Maybe you can ask for advice, compliment them, or just chat casually. Most of the people enjoy a happy and positive conversation, and if you make a good first impression, will want to talk to you again. Just be brave. It can be easier to find a person who seems to need a friend like you do. But you can also go and talk to people who already have friends around them.

Be Positive

This is very important when you start a conversation with a person you don't really know. You want to make a good first impression. I don't mean that you should smile from ear to ear, compliment them all the time and look perfect. I mean that you should be positive. Most of the people don't like negative conversations, or don't want to hear you complain. So remember to smile or at least look approachable. Don't cross or fold your arms over your chest, because that indicates you have very little interest in other people. A good friend is also a good listener. Ask questions and listen to what they say. It's good to talk about 30% and listen 70% of the conversation. If you are not really interested in what the other person is telling, don't look bored. Show him or her that you are listening. Simply nodding can be enough. You can also ask a question to show that you are interested. Also, remember that eye contact is important. Don't look at the ground or your hands, because that might look embarrassed, angry or very shy. Look him or her in the eyes, but remember not to stare. It's good to look away briefly sometimes.

Spend Time Together

After a couple of chats, you should ask your new friend out for a lunch, or coffee, or just do something together. Still, remember, people won't bite! You have nothing to lose. Perhaps you have some time after school to have a cup of coffee together and do your homework, or a lunchbreak. During a lunch it'll be easier to find things to talk about, and you'll get to know each other better. Still remember to be positive, a good listener and truly yourself. Don't be afraid of a "no". Most of the people will say yes if you casually ask them out just for a cup of coffee after getting to know each other a while. I did, too, and got many friends this way. One good tip is also to ask your friends to ask their friends out with you, and in a big group you'll easily chat with your friends' friends. But remember: Don't abandon your old friends just because you have new friends! Old is gold. You'll still need to keep in touch with your old friends, even though they might live in your old home town, or go to a different school. Also starting a new hobby is a good way of getting friends outside work/ school because then you'll have something in common already.

Friends are one of the most valuable things in life, and you should try to be a good friend, if you expect your friends to be, too. Getting a good friend will take time and hard work, and sometimes it just doesn't work out. Don't let that get you down! Try again. Stay positive, and it'll all go fine.