How to Balance Description

The description in your story is like the fat in your body. You need to cut out all the access description to make your story healthy, the same way you need to cut out all the access fat in your body to make it healthy. But you can't cut out too much, because then your story will collapse and die like an anorexic.

Let's look at the description "food chart", a great way to understand how to balance your story's description properly. The higher the number beside each thing, the more you need of it to make your story healthy. If the number is below 5, try to avoid using it in your descriptions, just like you would avoid certain foods in a diet.

Adverbs: 3
Adjectives: 7
Clustered detail of one thing or person: 3
Attention to facial features: 5
Attention to unique features: 7
Getting out of character: 1 *see below for help
Starting sentences with words like I, it, and but: 4
Using words you don't think most people will know: 4
Using uncommon verbs: 9
Cliche phrases: 2 *see below for help
Using a mixture of short and long sentences: 8
Lingering on scenery: 4
Avoiding scenery: 4
Using colors, especially common ones: 3
Double-verbs like were watching: 3
Combining action with reaction: 2 *see below for help
Repeating words: 3
In-line quotes or lyrics: 3
Confusing emotions with relatability: 2 *see below for help
Witty phrases: 8
Believable dialect: 9
Originality: 10

Remember that you can always add more to your chart! If you read a story or book and see something about the description you don't like, make note of it. Realize exactly what it is and make sure to avoid the same mistake in your own writing. Do the same thing with descriptions you love in stories or books. Your chart can be ever-growing.

Now, for each thing that had a 2 or below on the chart, I am going to explain how to avoid these things, as they are the ones most people need help with. And they are unfortunately some of the worst mistakes you can make in your descriptions.

Lesson One: Getting Out of Character

Do you know what I mean by this? If so, you're already one step in the right direction. But if not, let me explain exactly what getting out of character means.

Let's say someone writes a paragraph like this:

"She watched in awe as the shooting star split the sky, setting her face a-glow. Every night was filled with at least one shooting star in the village."

It sounds just a tad bit off, doesn't it? The problem here lies within the second sentence. Try reading just the first sentence. It sounds pretty good, right? The reason why the second sentence is "out of character" is because it moves away from the scene and the reader's interaction with the character. We're reading about a girl watching a star, and then all of the sudden we're forced out of her mind and this fact about the village is thrown in our face!

Getting "out of character" is something that a lot of people have a hard time understanding and even a harder time noticing in their own writing. I cannot help you understand it if you still don't get it, but I can say one last thing. To stay in character, you must always show, and never tell.

Lesson Two: Cliche Phrases

When people think of cliche, most of the time they think of romance. But this doesn't always have to be the case. When people think of cliche, most of the time they think of plots. This doesn't always have to be the case either.

Let me show you some examples of cliche phrases:

• His eyes were mysteriously beautiful.
• She cried in agony.
• My heart swelled with pride.
• And then everything went black.
• We jumped for joy.

Stuff like that. If you've read it before, don't use it. It's quite simple, hahaha.

Lesson Three: Combining Action With Reaction

First of all, what are "action" and "reaction" in writing? Action is danger, excitement, a turn of events, or a surprising detail. Reaction is what your character(s) do when the action crosses them.

Combining both of them together in one paragraph is a fatal error.

For example DO NOT do something like this:

"All of the sudden a monster leaped from one of the trees, crashing down upon him. It's teeth and fangs glistened with poison, a poison that was aimed straight for his heart. Jack felt a rush of adrenaline before quickly cocking his gun and blasting the creature to gory bits."

The first two sentences are the action. The third sentence does not belong with the first two, because it is the characters reaction. Always be careful to separate the two!

And then, to make your description even more exciting, go in for some more action and reaction!

Like this:

"But then the chunks of monster flesh began to slither along the dirt, oozing poison as they made their way towards Jack.

He gulped down a vile taste in his throat before turning on the heels of his boots and running deeper into the forest."

See how I separated the action from the reaction this time? That's the right way!

Lesson Four: Confusing Emotions With Relatability

Have you ever gotten a comment where a reader says that they love the emotion in your story? That's great, but most of the time the reader is not actually talking about how your story being emotional is a good thing. They're talking about how they can relate to your character(s).

Wait... what? That doesn't make sense. I know, so let me try to explain.

As a matter of fact, if your story is emotional... that is most likely a bad thing. It's okay if your characters are emotional every now and then, or if a certain character is extra emotional, but the actual story being slathered with emotion is a bad thing.

Make your character experience horrible things, make them go through painful adventures and dramas. But don't linger on describing how awful they feel all the time. Don't drown your story in sorrow or even happiness. Make your character stick it out, have them cry maybe once, but let them deal with it for the most part. Your reader will feel sorry for the character this way, instead of feeling revolted by their constant drama.

Let me give an example of story-emotion (the bad kind):

"Sam's heart felt like a thousand tiny needles were stabbing it. She sunk to the floor of the gym and cried, but no one came. Why did life have to be so unfair?"

Now let me give an example of character-emotion (the good kind):

"Sam ignored the punch his words gave to her heart. She blinked back the tears, tilting her chin to meet his eyes. He didn't even care that it was unfair, and so neither would she."

The difference is subtle, but it is there.

The best way to make your readers experience the same emotion that your characters experience is to make them love your character first. NEVER go "out of character" and NEVER linger on too much drama. Keep things paced and balanced. I can't give an example for how to make your character relatable throughout the story, but I can say that I believe you can do it. Just keep writing, and you will get there someday.

Good luck!