Writing Sex Scenes Without Making Your Readers Cringe

Many people have difficulty making the transition into incorporating sex scenes into their writing. Though when it comes to smut, different people have equally diverse personal preferences, this tutorial outlines some key elements that can be crucial when approaching a sex scene.

Before I begin, I would like to start by saying that no one should feel the need to write sex simply in hopes of getting more readers. If you’re someone who is just uncomfortable with writing about the subject, don’t force yourself to do it. The awkwardness that you feel will have a tendency to be mirrored in the piece. On the other hand, if you’re someone who really wants to write sex but is unsure of where to start, this tutorial may help you.

Character Development

As with any story, character development is an essential aspect, and this also holds true with smut. Readers are less likely to become fully immersed in any story if they are unable to connect to the characters. At times, it can feel awkward and somewhat intrusive to read a sex scene between characters that are complete strangers to the reader. Who are these characters as individuals, and how would they react in the circumstances at hand? It seems like a simple enough question, but the answers often can be complex. Spending some time getting to know your own characters as individuals can really help in this aspect, and different people have different ways of accomplishing a relationship between themselves as a writer and the characters that they create.

Emotions are a great way of incorporating a sense of characterization into a piece because even if a reader has never experienced first-hand the same things that a character is going through, emotions are universal. For example, though I have never been kidnapped, I have felt fear, so I would be able to relate to a character that had experienced kidnapping if the writer effectively portrayed that character’s fear.

The same holds true while writing sex scenes. Regardless of the relationship between the characters involved, there will always be emotions, and bringing those emotions to light will only enhance the piece. From the anxious excitement that can accompany a first sexual encounter to the emotional distance between characters at the verge of breaking up, emotions can help bring characters to life and make them relatable to the reader. Even if a character is completely wasted, the feelings and sensations that accompany that drunken haze should be portrayed to the reader.

Relationship Development

Relationship development and character development often go hand-in-hand. Just as in real life, you can learn a lot about a person based on how they interact with others in their life, this concept also holds true for stories.

Regardless of the actual relationship between the characters, it is still something that needs to be developed, once again, in order to make both the character and the encounter feel real to the reader. Even if the sex scene portrays a one-night stand between strangers, there is a relationship there that needs to be developed and set forth for the reader. Where did they meet? What drew these strangers to one another?

Imagery

Even if your style isn’t the most flowery or the most descriptive, imagery is another aspect that is important both in stories in general and in sex scenes. I am, by no means, suggesting that anyone spend five paragraphs describing in detail the golden flecks in a character’s eyes if that isn’t the most important aspect of the story. It’s all about balance, teetering on the line between bogging the reader down with details or leaving the reader with nothing to get a good grasp on.

One thing I’ve noticed in a lot of smut pieces is that, while there is a lot of emphasis on the visuals, other sensory elements seem to fall to the wayside. While it doesn’t hurt to mention a character’s well-defined six-pack, there is more to sex (and any experience, really) than just the visuals. Taking time to incorporate scents, such as the musky stench that clings to a cheap motel room or the crisp scent of a character’s cologne, can really enhance the reader’s experience and help bring the moment to life. The same holds true for other sensory elements such as sounds, sensations, and flavors.

Avoid Awkward Phrasing

Though this is also a matter of personal preference, one thing that can really yank a reader out of an intimate moment is laughable or awkward terms. Though, like beauty, awkwardness is really in the eye of the beholder, there are certain terms that get a bad rap for their awkwardness, such as the terms “length” and “member” to describe a male’s genitalia and “heat” and “sex” to describe female genitalia. That being said, that does not mean that these terms cannot be used in an effective way, depending on the phrasing and the writer’s personal style. It’s really just another instance where the writer’s judgment has to come into place.

A good method of finding out if something is phrased awkwardly is to reread the line aloud (or in your head, if you’re not alone). If the wording makes you laugh or cringe, that’s probably a sign that it will elicit the same reaction from readers.

Another instance where awkward phrasing can come into play is in dirty talk. At times, a lot of the dirty talk I’ve come across in numerous stories on a wide array of websites comes across as forced, stiff, unrealistic, or not true to the character that they’ve established. It really depends on the characters that you’ve established as a writer and staying true to their personalities. If the characters involved in the sexual encounter you’re trying to portray aren’t the type you could visualize talking explicitly to each other, it’s probably a good idea to leave out the dirty talk. There’s no unspoken rule that a sex scene has to include dirty talk in order to be considered “hot.”

Often times, what makes a particular phrase or term sound off is not that term in itself, but because the term or phrase does not mesh well with the tone that the writer has already established. For example, if I were writing a passionate, more romantic piece, and I threw in the p-word in the narration, it would stick out like a sore thumb. On the other hand, if the tone I had established had been more animalistic, that term would be fitting.

In conclusion, much like writing in general, there is no specific list of dos and don’ts when it comes to writing sex in stories. Every writer’s style is different, and no one should feel compelled to follow a specific formula in his or her own writing. As a reader and a writer of smut, this is simply a compilation of different elements I have noticed consistently in various pieces that stood out in my mind. As with any form of writing, it is important to use your own judgment.

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